The residents of New Zealand are regarded as people who cherish their unique culture and are passionate about the sport of Rugby.
I have prepared a list of insults that are best suitable for a Kiwi which would help you earn or maintain your position as the boss in a word banter with a kiwi.
From making fun of their accent to their love for a kiwi bird, these expressions will surely give you hints on how to get on a Kiwi’s last nerve.
Let’s keep it rolling!
List of 20 Best Insults For a Kiwi
- I heard Kiwis are born with an innate talent for finding the best dairy for a good flat white.
- Do you ever get tired of being mistaken for the world’s friendliest flightless bird?
- Your accent is so charming; I bet even your pet sheep can’t resist a good yarn session.
- The only deserts Kiwis are good at is a pavlova; don’t you get sick of it?
- Is it true that Kiwis have a built-in compass for locating the most picturesque hiking trails?
- Your rugby passion is extreme. No wonder every Kiwi’s ribs are never complete.
- Do you have to always use Kiwi slang? Sometimes I feel like I need a translator.
- Your ability to stay calm during a haka performance is impressive. You can handle anything calmly.
- Your favorite accessory must be jandals. Are they the key to a Kiwi’s heart, or just a comfortable footwear choice?
- I tried to mimic your ‘sweet as’ attitude, but I realized that you’re an ass, sweetie.
- Is it true that Kiwis have a secret recipe for turning any meal into a BBQ feast?
- Your sheep-to-human ratio is astounding. Do you count them before sleeping, or is that just a stereotype?
- Why does a Kiwi accent sound like a sheep going through labor?
- I heard Kiwis have a sixth sense for predicting weather changes. Is it a skill passed down through generations?
- Your ability to figure out roundabouts is like poetry in motion. I feel like I need a Kiwi driver’s ed lesson.
- Is it true that Kiwis have a secret recipe for making the fluffiest ANZAC biscuits?
- If you love sheeps so much then I am sure there won’t be a black sheep in the family.
- Your ability to switch effortlessly between English and te reo Māori is like how my neighbor ran from your hideous cat, Very quickly.
- Only a Kiwi knows what a Kiwi is thinking, it’s similar.
- Just like rugby, you’re dirty, rough and insignificant; it’s ikiwiadible.
I heard Kiwis are born with an innate talent for finding the best dairy for a good flat white.
A good flat white is a type of coffee beverage that originated from New Zealand.
Being born with an innate talent for finding the best diary for a good flat white ridicules Kiwis love for coffee in a funny way.
- I heard Kiwis are born with the talent for making coffee, what happened to you?
- Did you learn how to make this coffee or is it an innate talent?
Do you ever get tired of being mistaken for the world’s friendliest flightless bird?
The world’s friendliest flightless bird refers to the Kiwi bird. This is the bird that symbolizes the people and the nation of New Zealand.
This expression would be insulting to a kiwi because it’s practically referring to them as a Kiwi bird itself.
Your accent is so charming; I bet even your pet sheep can’t resist a good yarn session.
This line of insult sarcastically praises the fact that New Zealanders (Kiwis) have pet sheep due to the country’s significant sheep farming industry.
The right use of comic tone matters when expressing a line like this.
- Your sheeps must find your accent charming.
- I love your pet sheep’s desire for your accent.
The only dessert Kiwis are good at is a pavlova; don’t you get sick of it?
A pavlova is a popular dessert in New Zealand which could be a clever tool to use against a Kiwi.
This line shows just how sickening it could be if there’s no variety in a person’s culinary skill which could upset a Kiwi.
- What are we having for dessert, please don’t say Pavlov.
- I don’t need Pavlov anymore from you, Kiwi.
Is it true that Kiwis have a built-in compass for locating the most picturesque hiking trails?
New Zealand has a reputation for having a beautiful landscape which could be insulted when addressing a kiwi.
‘A built-in compass’ is a symbol that exaggerates a Kiwi’s ability to find a good hiking spot.
- You’re so good at finding a picturesque hiking trail.
- Everywhere must be a hiking trail in New Zealand.
Your rugby passion is extreme. No wonder every Kiwi’s ribs are never complete.
The enthusiasm for rugby in New Zealand is impeccable. However this line throws shade at the physicality involved with rugby as a sport.
A Kiwi’s rib being incomplete is an overstatement to poke fun at their connection with the sport.
- Your passion for rugby is a little overboard, I hope you guys don’t break your ribs one day.
- Must every kiwi be in love with rugby.
Do you have to always use Kiwi slang? Sometimes I feel like I need a translator.
Slang usage is peculiar to every region including New Zealand.
Sometimes it could be annoying how your friend or colleague at work makes use of Kiwi slang in every sentence they make. A need for a translator is a funny jab at a Kiwi.
- I need to get a translator because of your overuse of Kiwi slang.
- Kiwi slang should be used amongst your people and not in my office.
Your ability to stay calm during a haka performance is impressive. You can handle anything calmly.
A haka performance is a traditional Māori war dance often performed before rugby matches. A kiwi being calm during these events would surely stay calm even if the world is being attacked by bees.
This is a good line that you could use at work for your kiwi coworkers.
- You’re so calm, even a haka performance is yoga for you.
- You make me feel crazy for freaking out over a haka performance.
Your favorite accessory must be jandals. Are they the key to a Kiwi’s heart, or just a comfortable footwear choice?
It playfully associates jandals (flip-flops) with being a favored accessory or even the “key to a Kiwi’s heart.” It’s a brutal shade at Kiwi’s obsession with this footwear choice.
Comic tones are essential instruments when delivering this expression to a kiwi.
- Your favorite accessory must be jandals, you wear it on everything.
- Do you really love jandals or is it because you’re a kiwi.
I tried to mimic your ‘sweet as’ attitude, but I realized that you’re an ass, sweetie.
This statement appears to use a play on words, referring to the Kiwi slang “sweet as” while also expressing dissatisfaction.
The use of “sweet as” is meant to evoke a positive tone, combining it with the term “ass” introduces a potentially negative element.
It could be interpreted as a mild insult by suggesting a contrast between the expected positive attitude and an unexpected negative perception.
- I thought you were sweet ass, sweet as.
- I love your sweet ass behavior.
Is it true that Kiwis have a secret recipe for turning any meal into a BBQ feast?
This statement targets the country’s fondness for outdoor grilling by saying that kiwis could turn any meal to a barbecue feast.
This line would prove itself useful when you’re in the midst of your friends at work.
- Give me tips on how to turn a cake into a BBQ.
- Please could you give me tips on how to turn every meal into a BBQ.
Your sheep-to-human ratio is astounding. Do you count them before sleeping?
Kiwi’s are known to be sheep keepers and farmers which is a stereotype to make fun at.
Sheep- to-human ratio is a nice touch of jab to a kiwi which would make their blood boil excessively.
Why does a Kiwi accent sound like a sheep going through labor?
Comparing a Kiwi accent to the very animal that kiwi care so much about is a brutal insult indeed.
It’s a hilarious manner of mocking their unique accent which could get under their skin.
- You sound like a sheep in labor.
- Do Kiwis constantly try to impersonate a sheep in labor?
I heard Kiwis have a sixth sense for predicting weather changes. Is it a skill passed down through generations?
Having a sixth sense of predicting weather changes is an hilarious insult that could have an effect on a kiwi.
This could figuratively mean that kiwis are unpredictable people and might need to change that attitude.
- I heard Kiwis have a sixth sense for predicting weather changes. Is it a lie?
- Predicting weather changes must be a treasure passed down from many generations.
Your ability to figure out roundabouts is like poetry in motion. I feel like I need a Kiwi driver’s ed lesson.
New Zealand is a country with busy roads and bad traffic which could be an opening to get them good when insulting them.
Using the word ‘poetry in motion’ is a funny way of implying that they enjoy being in traffic jams and chaotic situations.
- Your happiest moment must be in traffic jams.
- Being in traffic must be so relaxing for you right?
Is it true that Kiwis have a secret recipe for making the fluffiest ANZAC biscuits?
Whenever a kiwi hears the word ANZAC they probably go nuts over it considering how much it’s being produced in New Zealand.
With a comical tone while giving this hot blow of insult to a kiwi, you will surely sound sarcastic.
- ‘I love ANZAC biscuits’ Kiwi’s never stop talking about it.
- ANZAC biscuits is like BTS in Korea.
If you love sheeps so much then I am sure there won’t be a black sheep in the family.
Being creative is a great asset when it comes to insulting a Kiwi.
If they’re so inlove with sheeps then all sheeps must be adorable including the black sheep in the family. This is a funny concept of exaggerating Kiwis love for sheep.
- Even the black sheep in your family is as white as snow.
- Not all sheeps are cute and harmless, but a Kiwi would not understand that.
Your ability to switch effortlessly between English and te reo Māori is like how my neighbor ran from your hideous cat, Very quickly.
Te reo Māori is a native language spoken by the people of New Zealand. It wouldn’t be surprising how a kiwi would easily code switch from English to their native language.
The real jab comes in the comparison with how ugly a person’s pet looks which is attached to being a Kiwi.
- I don’t know which one switches faster, your code switching skill or your dog’s teeth.
- I can’t speak your native language, not everyone is a te reo Māori genius.
Only a Kiwi knows what a Kiwi is thinking, it’s similar.
A kiwi bird is a bird with remarkable qualities like being the bird that lays the largest eggs for its size and its calmness.
For a person from New Zealand (kiwi) to think like a Kiwi bird is an insulting way of saying they aren’t intellectually sound.
- Even the kiwi bird is smarter than you, Derick.
- Please do not annoy me with your kiwi way of reasoning.
Just like rugby, you’re dirty, rough and insignificant; it’s ikiwiadible.
The brilliant use of play on words makes the expression exceptional. Going after rugby and comparing it to the person’s behavior as dirty, rough and insignificant not only bruises their ego, but the entire Kiwi clan’s.
For added advice, you might want to duck after this punchline because some objects might hit you.
- You’re the most dirty and insignificant person I have ever met, no wonder you love rugby.
- I don’t want to believe that it’s watching rugby too much that is making you such an aggressive person.