Having beards has always been regarded as masculinity such that the males who don’t have beards or don’t sprout beards at an early stage of adolescence are bullied, and identified as a baby boy or a girl.
Thus, Beards are serious business for men, but that doesn’t mean bearded men can’t be passed down for a roast.
After all, you will agree with me that beards are just big patches of hair that hang off your face, and nothing more.
With that said, if you have a friend, colleague, partner, or frenemy who has a beard and you wish to roast them, then you made the right choice by coming here.
In this article, I have compiled the 20 best and funniest beard jokes, sarcasm, one-liners, and puns to roast someone with a beard.
Go ahead and enjoy the humor and sarcasm found in these top 20 best funny beard roasts below!
Here are 20 Funny Roasts for Someone With a Beard
- Your beard is like a forest – untamed, full of wild creatures, and desperately in need of a trim.
- If your beard had a resume, it would be listed under “Failed Attempts at Looking Manly.”
- Beards men and being two-faced
- Your beard is like your jokes – patchy and lacking in substance.
- I see you’re going for the rugged look. How’s that working out for you, lumberjack?
- Your beard is proof that not all ideas are good ideas.
- Your beard is the only thing that’s more inconsistent than your life choices.
- Your beard is the only thing that’s more consistent in your life
- Your beard is like a crop circle – nobody understands it, and it’s probably aliens’ way of messing with us.
- Does your beard have a name, or should we just call it “Struggle Scruff”?
- I’ve seen better facial hair on a prepubescent teenager.
- Nice beard. Is it a tribute to all the food you’re saving for later?
- Are you growing a beard or trying to recreate the Amazon rainforest on your face?
- Your beard is the only thing that’s more confused than your life direction.
- Your beard is like a maze – unfortunately, there’s no treasure at the end.
- You don’t look a “Sean” with that beard, I might understand “Jamal”
- Your beard is like a desert – barren, desolate, and in need of hydration.
- Your innocence died the moment you started sprouting those beards.
- With this many beards, you should consider braiding it
- If your beard had a sound, it would be a disappointed sigh.
1. Your beard is like a forest – untamed, full of wild creatures, and desperately in need of a trim.
It is just the beginning of the roast game with your friends and one of them feels highly of himself because of his goatee. Go sharp and fast on him like lightning with this roast.
This classic roast is capable of burning your opponent and drawing a reaction from him. But don’t be afraid of not coming up with other great roasts. Remember, I have prepared more classic burners for you.
So smile, touch your friend’s beards, and say;
- Do you call this beards? Well, all I see is a forest – untamed, full of wild creatures, and desperately in need of a trim.
2. If your beard had a resume, it would be listed under “Failed Attempts at Looking Manly.”
I bet you had one point to nil with the previous roast. So keep the standard high with this savage expression. Use this to roast your friend whom you have known to have stunted beards in years.
You can even go ahead to call him one of those beard slangs that signifies stunted growth
For instance:
- Mr. Stubby, it appears you are allergic to manliness.
- Right under your chin is a signpost that says “Failed attempts at looking manly”
3. Beards men and being two-faced
This great one-liner is the best to use if you want to roast your friend who is looking different from the appearance you are familiar with ever since they started keeping full beards.
Roast your friend with this great one-liner especially if he is someone who has a double personality.
Go soft and in a subtle way, spill your roast:
- Nice beard – did you grow it out to hide the fact that you still can’t grow a personality?
Trust me, it will be difficult for your friend to think of a comeback because you have rendered him speechless with this roast.
4. Your beard is like your jokes – patchy and lacking in substance.
Do you have a friend who sucks at cracking jokes, and also has beards? Double win for you if you use this witty statement to roast him.
With this roast, you are indirectly saying how boring they are and how scanty their beards are.
Make it hit harder by delivering your roast like this:
- Even if your beards were used for a clown show, it still wouldn’t put anyone in a good mood because they are as surly as your jokes.
5. I see you’re going for the rugged look. How’s that working out for you, lumberjack?
Use these humorous lines to roast your friend who is tired of being a soft person and feels like beards will give him that fierce look.
Use this roast to stylishly tell them they are wasting their time trying to achieve a nasty look with beards. This roast also makes use of a direct comparison to create a more hilarious effect.
Deliver your roast this way:
- Even with those beards, you still look like a ten-year-old.
6. Your beard is proof that not all ideas are good ideas.
You want to tell your colleague how horrible they look with their beards but you don’t wish to say it literally?
Then this sarcastic expression is the best to smartly roast your colleague with beards and evoke chuckles from your other colleagues at your place of work.
Be sure to deliver your roast in this light-hearted manner:
- Your beard is an illustration of bad ideas.
- With your beards, you look like a failed painting.
7. Your beard is the only thing that’s more inconsistent than your life choices.
Use this classic one-liner to roast someone you know who has an uneven or patchy beard. This roast suggests the inconsistency in the growth of their beards.
The humor lies in the comparison between the irregularity of the beard and the notion that the individual’s life choices are similarly inconsistent or unpredictable.
- Your beards and your decisions have something in common and it is that both lack a stable and reliable pattern.
8. Your beard is the only thing that’s more consistent in your life
This roast is a sequel to the previous roast (no. 7). Use the sarcasm-filled statement to roast your friend who lacks consistency in everything.
It is even more interesting if such a friend has never had a long relationship.
Playfully roast your friend like this:
- If you had put the same energy you put into growing your beards into your relationships, you wouldn’t be falling out of them the moment you step into them.
9. Your beard is like a crop circle – nobody understands it, and it’s probably aliens’ way of messing with us
This is a humor-filled roast and you can use it to roast someone who has a weird beard. By weird beards, I mean beards that have outgrown their roots and places difficulty in tracing where the beards start from.
This roast uses a playful analogy comparing the person’s beard to a crop circle, which is a mysterious and often intricate pattern found in fields.
So figuratively tell your friend their beards are confusing with this roast:
- Your beard is like a crop circle. It will take the effort of extraterrestrial beings to find the intricate path around it.
10. Does your beard have a name, or should we just call it “Struggle Scruff”?
Beards have different slang, they call it and one of them is “Scruff ” which means thin beards. The humor of this roast lies in its creativity.
Do you want to roast your friend who has thin beards and slow-growing beards but doesn’t want to do it plainly? Then this roast is for you to showcase your creativity in roast.
Point at your someone with beards and say;
- I didn’t get your name, should I just call you “Mr. Struggle Scruff”
Smooth! Isn’t it? I can hear people making funny sounds with their mouths.
11. I’ve seen better facial hair on a prepubescent teenager
Do you have an annoying elder brother who loves to piss you off? Then use this roast to put him in his place. This roast is capable of making your brother red in the face. To make it more profound, call him brother then say;
- Brother Jude, I have seen better facial hair on a Barbie doll.
Remember, a Barbie doll has no beards so you’re implying that your brother’s beard is as good as being bald.
12. Nice beard. Is it a tribute to all the food you’re saving for later?
Use this light-hearted roast laced with ironical expression to tease your friend who has a long and thick beard.
By this, you humorously suggest that the person’s beard is so dense or long that it could serve as a storage space for leftover food crumbs.
Funnily deliver your roasts like this:
- Hey buddy, we can’t find the leftover pizza. Oh! You already have it saved in between your beard.
13. Are you growing a beard or trying to recreate the Amazon rainforest on your face?
Here’s another subtle thing to say to someone who has an overgrown beard. An overgrown beard can be a disturbing sight for one so the next time such a person shows up with his overgrown beard, roast him like this:
- You have a whole Amazon rainforest dwelling in your face.
- How much focus do you put in keeping this inconvenience on?
14. Your beard is the only thing that’s more confused than your life direction
Another way to go hard and sharp on someone who has a confused beard and a confused life, without saying.
- Your beards is as confused as you appear in thoughts.
15. Your beard is like a maze – unfortunately, there’s no treasure at the end.
How do you say keeping excess beards is like a piece of shit without saying?
Use this roast! When you say this roast, just be prepared for a comeback from your friend.
- Your beard is like a riddle- unfortunately, there is no reward at the end.
16. You don’t look a “Sean” with that beard, I might understand “Jamal”
Another humorous line to roast your friend with the overgrown beard. The junior lies in the comparison of looking more like an Iranian citizen- Jamal than an American- Sean.
- With that beard, you look like the guy who started the Jihad war.
17. Your beard is like a desert – barren, desolate, and in need of hydration
Use this savage-filled roast to roast your friend who has a sparse beard. This roast is more suitable when you are in a roast game with a guy. This roast is capable of drawing laughter from the guys.
Deliver your roast like this:
- Your beard is like a desert in desperate need of water.
18. Your innocence died the moment you started sprouting those beards
Playfully tease your closest buddy who is already sprouting a beard with this light-hearted roast. But ensure before you carry out your roast, that they understand it is only for fun.
- Poor you! You’re already looking 45 with these beards.
19. With this many beards, you should consider braiding it
“With this many beards, you should consider braiding” It is another thing to say to someone who has long and excess beards.
By this, you are indirectly telling them that their beards are competing with the hair on their head and therefore they might consider making it too.
- Beard abundance – ever thought about a beard braid extravaganza?
- So many beards, it’s practically begging for a braiding festival!
20. If your beard had a sound, it would be a disappointed sigh
Finally, roast someone completely with a beard with this last epic roast. Saying if their beards had a sound, it would be a disappointed sigh is another hilarious thing to say to roast someone with a beard.
Moreover, all these are just creative ways to say their beards look unattractive.
- If your beard had a sound, it would be a disappointed sigh.
Footnote
Roasts should always be polite and enjoyable. Also, making your subject smile and laugh should be your ultimate goal.
Lastly, refrain from using disparaging language to avoid upsetting someone.