It’s no secret that jealousy can bring out the worst in people. Jealous people are not the kind of people to keep close.
They might look harmless physically but with jealousy running through their blood, they can harm you with envy.
However, while jealous people can be dangerous, it can also be the source of some pretty hilarious jokes.
So if you know someone who’s a little too prone to the green-eyed monster, here are 20 funny roasts that will have them laughing – or crying – in no time.
The list consists of witty lines, sarcasm, puns, and deep humor that can be used to spite a jealous person.
Ready to taunt a jealous person? Let’s get started!
Here are 20 Funny Roasts for a Jealous Person
- If jealousy burned calories, you’d be a supermodel by now.
- Are you made of jealousy? Because you’re green with envy.
- If jealousy were an apparel, it would be your favorite.
- I’m sorry, did my success trigger your jealousy alarm?
- I see you’re wearing your jealousy goggles today.
- Jealousy looks good on no one, darling. Try a different outfit.
- Don’t mind me, just here being fabulous while you marinate in jealousy.
- Jealousy is a full-time job for you, huh? Must be exhausting.
- Looks like someone skipped the jealousy management class.
- You do need a divine intervention, I see you can’t handle it on your own
- Jealousy is so last season, darling. Try upgrading to confidence.
- You are so focused on the life you can’t afford that you can’t hear your reality screaming at you.
- I don’t mean to make you jealous, but I’m pretty amazing.
- Jealousy is a wasted emotion, my friend. Use it for something productive.
- Jealousy is like a bad haircut on you.
- I’m sorry you’re not me but don’t worry, no one else is either.
- Jealousy is a sign of weakness, good you let the whole world know you’re weak.
- Being jealous of my car won’t get you one. Go have some money.
- If you had focused more on yourself than me, you would realize I’m as stupid as you are.
- You keep staring at my success like it owes you money. Sorry, it doesn’t do loans.
1. If jealousy burned calories, you’d be a supermodel by now.
Here is a witty statement to roast a jealous person. This statement quantifies the high level of jealousy such a person possesses and uses a creative analogy to throw shades at the person.
It is a lighthearted roast that can be used if such a person who is envious of you isn’t toxic about it.
- You have a fat burner in you, it is called “Jealousy weight loss tea”
- If I were to measure the amount of jealousy in you, you would only be a tiny section of your body while jealousy occupies a lot of mass in your body.
2. Are you made of jealousy? Because you’re green with envy.
Jealous people have an air of negativity around them that you can almost feel the hate they carry 1000 km away.
If you are caught up in an unpleasant situation with a jealous person, the roast above can be used to chase their bad energy away from you.
Saying this roast and walking away from them is like purging your soul from their bad energy. So when next you are bundled with a jealous person, give them a piece of your opinion using this roast.
- You reek of jealousy. I can barely breathe under the toxicity you fill the room with.
- Your jealousy even has a stronger scent than the perfume you wear. It is spreading like wildfire.
3. If jealousy were an apparel, it would be your favorite.
Here is a figurative expression to roast someone who is consumed with jealousy.
Some people are so consumed with jealousy that like a flat tire, it is the first thing you notice when they fill the room with their presence.
Use this creative statement above to roast someone whose envy has eaten deep in them.
- If jealousy were colors, you would be appearing in all shades of it.
- If jealousy were woven into clothes, you would be the one with the most purchases.
4. I’m sorry, did my success trigger your jealousy alarm?
Okay, so you know someone is bitter and jealous of everything you do, including your achievements, make them know you don’t care about how they feel and you are even on the go to make them more jealous using this sarcastic comment to roast them.
This comment is capable of making them even more fried in the heat of your new accomplishment. Saying sorry is an intentional and scornful way of ridiculing them to stupor.
- If I’m asked what motivates me to do more, I will tell them I like seeing you eaten in hatred of me doing bigger things.
- Did my heat of success brush you? Well, I’m gonna increase the heat. I want you burnt.
5. I see you’re wearing your jealousy goggles today.
If someone is eyeing you with resentment, well it is their problem that they are bitter. it doesn’t change you and you shouldn’t feel bothered by how they feel.
Go ahead to show how unbothered and excited you are that some bitter people spend the whole day thinking about you, using this funny roast.
Treating them with less seriousness will even hurt a jealous person more.
- I see you came up with a 3D version to project your jealousy. Well, be sure to entertain me to the fullest.
- It is a shame that jealousy is spread over your face like make-up.
6. Jealousy looks good on no one, darling. Try a different outfit.
A good piece of advice cum roast in case the jealous person in question is already losing themselves to envy.
The roast above is also sarcasm that implies that you do not take their display of jealousy to heart and that they are the only ones affected by it.
It also positions you as the bigger person when you portray indifference to what a jealous person does.
On the flip side, they will be so hurt that you don’t care about how they feel; a creative way to say “Stop wasting your time hating on people who don’t know of your existence”.
- Jealous? Welcome to the list of 15236741 people that don’t exist in my world.
7. Don’t mind me, just here being fabulous while you marinate in jealousy.
If someone expresses deep hatred for being yourself or being at your best, give them a savage response using this roast.
Increase the burns they feel inwards by telling them you derive pleasure in seeing them drown in hate.
This is a psychopathic response that will scorch a jealous person to ashes.
8. Jealousy is a full-time job for you, huh? Must be exhausting.
If all your colleague can do best is to give out hate speech and try to demean you with hurtful words then show them you are a bigger person using this roast.
This roast depicts how useless they are not in plain words but in a creative way.
Truth be told, people who are envious of others don’t have better things to do with their time other than spend it hating and wishing to have other people’s lives.
Use this roast to highlight their unresourceful and unproductive living.
- I see why you can’t get a real job in reality, you already have one standing in the way which is hating on people.
9. Looks like someone skipped the jealousy management class.
Here is a classic burner for an overly jealous person who isn’t even ashamed to show that they are jealous.
Some jealous people are like that, they are toxic, unapologetic, and proud envious beings. You don’t need to spend the whole 24 hours with them before you get to know they are consumed by hate.
If you have any person that fits in the description of this kind of jealousy, then this roast is suitable for them.
- If you had applied your financial management skills to your envies, you would have been a better and more optimistic person by now.
10. You do need divine intervention, I see you can’t handle it on your own.
This is for a jealous person who can’t restrain themselves from spreading hate wherever they are. Saying that it is a spiritual problem is a sarcastic way to step on them in such a way that it will weaken them.
- Your level of jealousy is beyond the physical, you need Christ in your life.
11. Jealousy is so last season, darling. Try upgrading to confidence.
Telling a jealous person that they should up their jealous game is a snarky way to get at them.
I bet they won’t be able to heal from the wound because their pride has just been washed down by this snarky response.
Also, it portrays you as a tough-skinned person and someone with a high emotional IQ that can’t be reduced to the crappy act of a jealous person.
- A pity that jealousy is all you have got. Try more mature tactics like being bold about how you feel.
12. You are so focused on the life you can’t afford that you can’t hear your reality screaming at you.
Another way to roast a jealous person is to use these savage lines on them. Most suitable when you are in a roast fight with them.
This roast describes the characteristics of a jealous person. Jealous people are not content with their life or what they have.
They always covet other people’s lifestyles. Highlighting their bad attitude will surely take them in a momentarily sad mood.
- Quit living the illusion of thinking being jealous of me will make you have my life, instead focus on your crumbling life.
13. I don’t mean to make you jealous, but I’m pretty amazing.
Acting like you don’t want to intentionally do what will spike their envy is another strategic way to roast a jealous person and forcefully cease the display of hate.
This is a roast you can use to control a jealous person’s display of hatred.
- Oh does my fabulous self make you jealous? Don’t worry, I will try to increase the hate by being more fabulous.
14. Jealousy is a wasted emotion, my friend. Use it for something productive.
Another truth to throw at a jealous person especially if they don’t have a life for themselves.
By this, you are implying that their life needs proper attention rather than using it on unproductive things like hating on others.
- You need that energy to fix your life rather than consuming it on envy.
15. Jealousy is like a bad haircut on you.
Saying jealousy is like a bad haircut on a jealous person is another effective way to get at a jealous person. The roast used a hilarious comparison to debase a jealous person.
This roast will certainly have a stinging effect on them.
- Jealousy looks like a bad haircut on you- POV; you look like shit.
16. I’m sorry you’re not me but don’t worry, no one else is either.
Look directly at a jealous person and tell them that no matter how they try to be you they can’t be you and watch them even consumed with more hatred.
Jealous people need a punchline to sense them back to their hideouts, and this one-liner will do just that.
17. Jealousy is a sign of weakness, good you let the whole world know you’re weak.
Make them know that being envious is tantamount to being weak, using this punchline.
A self-confident person knows their worth and won’t be envious of other people’s achievements, which is what the roast above explains.
18. Being jealous of my car won’t get you one. Go have some money.
If your neighbor is green with envy because you just purchased a car, spite them with this snarky comment.
This roast suggests that no matter how much they envy your car, it can’t get them theirs nor can it take yours from you.
Deliver this roast and watch your neighbor duck his head in shame.
- You know you can’t get a car with envy. Go make some money, bro.
19. If you had focused more on yourself than me, you would realize I’m as stupid as you are.
Here is a hilarious roast for your friend who thinks you are better than them. With this roast, you are implying that they are wasting their time envying you because you are no way better than them.
It is also a strategy to keep them far away from you.
20. You keep staring at my success as it owes you money. Sorry, it doesn’t do loans.
“You keep staring at my success like it owes you money. Sorry, it doesn’t do loans” is another humorous thing to use to poke fun at a jealous person.
The roast employs personification to make jest of jealous people. Jealous people get lost in idling around, wanting other people’s lives, and by this, they need a jolting from their delusions.
Use this roast to wake them up from their wistful thinking and help them to embrace reality.
- Take a break from envying my accomplishments. It has not in any way offended you.