How do you roast a lacrosse player? Do you make fun of their skills? Appearance? Or anything that comes to your head about them?
Well, unlike other sports, lacrosse players have probably heard the worst of verbal humiliation. So if you’re going to get them riled up with anything you say, it has to be really sassy.
As a coach myself, I have some funny lacrosse jokes on my clipboard, which I use to start or finish each practice. It gets my players in a fun mood.
But in addition to these my favorite punchlines, I have gathered some of the best short roasts for lacrosse players that you can use for parents, lacrosse coaches, gym teachers, lacrosse fans, and anyone who enjoys lacrosse.
List of the Best 20 Roasts You Can Tell a Lacrosse Player
Some of these lines can be used for children, especially the “knock-knock” ones, but some are only appropriate to be used for adult players, such as the “dirty jokes.”
I have categorized the best roast punchlines for lacrosse players into three: general one-liners, knock-knock roasts, and dirty jokes for these players.
Roasts for Lacrosse Players One Liners
1. Apparently, Lacrosse doesn’t require any athletic talent
“Apparently, Lacrosse doesn’t require any athletic talent” is one of the famous one-liners that fans use to diss their opponent player. You can always use it to roast any lacrosse player you know.
It simply means that you’re downplaying whatever value or attachment they may have committed to the game and that you don’t really care how good they are. It’s a cunny way to kill a player’s morale.
Using this line is also an indirect way to talk down on their physique. That is, for someone of their build to be a lacrosse player, it means the sport doesn’t require much athleticism. You can even say this idea in different ways:
- It seems like Lacrosse doesn’t need much athleticism.
- Looks like Lacrosse doesn’t demand athletic skills.
2. Your stick skills are impressive, but your ego is even more bigger.
If you don’t want to attack the lacrosse player’s skills or appearance, you can roast them by attacking their character.
Thus, “Your stick skills are impressive, but your ego is even bigger” sounds like an intelligent way to roast a lacrosse player.
It will work well for a player who thinks highly of themself such that they want others to see them as the best in the team.
Instead of lamely calling them proud or arrogant, you can use this quite humourous roast punchline to put them in their place. You can say it in alternative ways, such as:
- You’re really good with the stick, but your ego’s even bigger.
- Your stick skills are top-notch, but your ego overshadows them.
3. You made the team’s motto change from ‘Winning isn’t everything’ to ‘At least try not to embarrass us.’
You can associate them as the cause of their team’s failure. If the player is a member of the opposing lacrosse squad and they are losing an ongoing match, you can yell out this roast line at them.
This is the kind of roast that will get others laughing but will seriously pain the one you’re saying it to.
Do you know how it feels when people say you’re the cause of the team’s downfall or loss? That’s how this one will make them feel.
This shorter version can stay in your memory longer if you don’t want to write it down somewhere.
- Now our motto is ‘Try not to embarrass us,’ thanks to you.
4. Your shot accuracy is as reliable as a broken clock
I have heard the phrase “Your shot accuracy is as reliable as a broken clock” from many lacrosse fans when they watch players who are not satisfied with their performance.
I particularly like how this line sounds in the mouths of Northan Americans because they are the champions of lacrosse, so the verbal arsenal is abundant.
Use this classic line as an indirect way to make fun of their shooting skills.
Here are other ways you can say this same line to capture the person’s plight deeply:
- Your shots are like a broken clock—never on target.
5. You run like you’re trying to avoid doing chores.
When you tell a lacrosse player that they run as though they’re avoiding doing chores, you make fun of their speed.
Speed is essential to every lacrosse player, so saying they are slow, in an amusing way, is sure to irk them.
More importantly, how you deliver this roast line matters, too.
You can’t say it to a player that is genuinely performing. So consider the situation. Still, when told in the proper condition, this is a total burn for the lacrosse player.
6. Are you allergic to defense or just allergic to hard work?
Another way you can roast a lacrosse player is to tell them, “Are you allergic to defense or just allergic to hard work?”
With this line, you’re teasing them about two essential things in the sport: defense and hard work.
In lacrosse, being good at defense and working hard is really important.
So, asking if they’re “allergic” to defense or just to hard work implies that they are avoiding playing defense because they’re lazy.
- Do you break out in hives when it comes to playing defense, or is it just a severe aversion to breaking a sweat?
- Are you immune to defense, or is putting in the effort just too much of a rash decision for you?
7. Your stick looks like it’s compensating for something.
When you joke about the size or appearance of the lacrosse player’s stick, it’s an avenue to roast them.
With this in mind, I believe saying, “ Your stick looks like it’s compensating for something,” is a total burn to them.
It’s a funny way to tease them about their equipment. And then the funny part is telling them there’s no need to show off.
- Is your stick making up for something small?
- Looks like your stick is trying to be the star of the show.
8. I see you’re good at handling balls, but can you handle a proper pass?
Roasting athletic people doesn’t have to be always boring. If you want to do a play with words while roasting a lacrosse player, you can say, “I see you’re good at handling balls, but can you handle a proper pass?”
What I like about this roast is that it starts by complimenting the player’s skill at handling the ball, but then it subtly questions their ability to catch a good pass.
If you don’t want to sound too harsh with the roast, you could say:
- Nice ball skills! But can you catch a pass?
- You’re good with balls, but what about passes?
9. I bet even the goalie could outrun you
This roast works well because it jokes about the player being slow. In lacrosse, speed is essential for outrunning opponents.
By saying even the goalie, who doesn’t move around as much, could run faster, it’s like teasing the player for being slower than expected. It’s a funny way to poke fun at their speed in the game.
- I bet the goalie could beat you in a race!
- Even the goalie’s faster than you!
10. Your shooting accuracy is as consistent as British weather
You can compare the player’s shooting accuracy to the unpredictable weather in Britain.
Every player knows that in lacrosse, hitting the target when shooting is as essential as sunlight to humanity.
So when you tell them their accuracy is like British weather, it’s a total roasting on their inconsistency.
Lacrosse Jokes: Dirty Roasts
11. Do they put you in goal? Because there’s no way balls are ever going near your face.
If you want a nasty line to say to a lacrosse player, you can tell them, “There’s no way balls are ever going near your face.”
You can see what you did there with the play on words with “balls,” which would subconsciously mean scrotum. I see it being said to many female lacrosse players in all good fun.
But be careful not to say it to someone sensitive to such jokes.
12. You look like you’ve taken more than a few cross-checks to the face
“You look like you’ve taken more than a few cross-checks to the face” is a roast about the lacrosse player’s appearance.
It can either mean they’ve been roughed up a lot in the game or the room.
Of course, lacrosse can be rough, with players getting hit often. But this line is dirty because you can use it to mean the other type of hit on the face (read: receiving head).
- It looks like you’ve been smashed in the face a lot.
- You’ve taken some serious hits, huh?
13. The lacrosse stick is the only stick you will be holding for a long time
Do you dig the entendre on the word “stick”? That’s what this roast is all about.
It’s another way to tell the lacrosse player they won’t have a romantic life for a while and will only be holding their lacrosse stick and not the penis.
Of course, it’s not a nice thing to say, but when they call for the roast, give it to them respectfully.
14. Lacrosse balls are the only ones you will see till you hit College.
Another nasty way you can roast a lacrosse player is to tell her, “ Lacrosse balls are the only ones you will see till you hit College.”
It means they won’t have any romantic experiences until college because they’re too focused on playing.
15. Lacrosse is the only time you get to play with a stick and balls.
This roast is making fun of the player for playing with a stick and balls, which is what you do in lacrosse with the equipment.
But it also hints at something more naughty, which is playing with male private parts.
Knock-knock roasts for lacrosse players
16. Knock, knock = Uriah
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball.
17. Knock knock = Pass
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Pass.
Pass who?
Exactly, you should learn how to pass the ball.
18. Knock knock = Stick
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Stick.
Stick who?
Stick to something other than running circles around the field.
19. Knock knock = Shot
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Shot.
Shot who?
Shot wide, just like your aim.
20. Knock knock = Catch
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Catch.
Catch who?
Catch the ball for once, will you?
You can see that the inspiration is endless. You just have to pick a concept, usually about the defects of the lacrosse player, and then make a knock-knock joke out of it. Apart from all the above-listed, you can even say:
Knock knock > Who’s there? > Practice > Practice who? > Practice makes perfect, but I guess you haven’t heard of it.
Or
Knock knock > Who’s there? > Win > Win who? > Exactly, you wouldn’t know because you’re always on the losing side.
The ideas are endless for roasting a lacrosse player.
I hope you found this one helpful.