20 Hilarious Roasts For Man U Fans

Hilarious Roasts For Man U Fans

If you know your friend is a Man U fan and you share a friendly rivalry, a playful roast can add fun to the conversation.

We’ve seen the worst punchlines suffer brutalising comebacks from Man U loyalists.

This time, I’ve gone beyond conveniently comparing them with Liverpool. I have dedicated time to come up with twenty truly sassy lines you can use to roast any Man U. 

Table of Contents

List Of 20 Hilarious Roasts For Man U Fans

Even when watching a game between Man U and another team, friendly banter can add excitement to the experience, and these lines can help you achieve that

1. “Are you a Manchester United fan? I didn’t realise antique collections were so popular.”

 Hilarious Roasts For Man U Fans

Compare the team to old stuff people collect. It’s a playful jab that suggests their team is outdated or not as excellent as they think. 

For a true Manchester United fan, their team is like a superhero, not some old relic. So, be ready for them to defend their team passionately when you drop a line like that!

  • “Oh, you’re into Manchester United? I thought antique collecting was making a comeback.”

2. “Why do Manchester United fans make terrible detectives? Because they can’t seem to find the back of the net!”

The roast is saying that your team has trouble scoring goals, comparing it to detectives who can’t find something.

It’s like teasing you about your team’s struggles on the field. It’s a witty way of teasing them about their team’s challenges in a way that would make any fan cringe a bit.

  • “Why are Manchester United fans bad at hide and seek? Because their team can’t seem to find the goal!”
  • “Ever wonder why Manchester United fans wouldn’t make good treasure hunters? Because their team struggles to locate the back of the net!

3. “Manchester United is due for a name change to ‘Expectation FC.'”

Manchester United has an incredible history of winning big and being a powerhouse in football. But lately, they might not be doing as well as fans hope. 

It’s a funny way of pointing out that the team might be going through a bit of a rough patch. 

So, if you say this to a Man U fan, they might laugh, but deep down, it’s a gentle roast about the team not reaching its usual glory.

  • “I heard Man U is thinking of renaming to ‘Almost FC’—you know, because they’re always almost winning, but not quite!”

4. “Man U fan? It must be exhausting living in past glory days.”

This tease hits them where it hurts – their love for the team. You’re basically saying that instead of enjoying the current games and victories, they’re stuck reminiscing glories. It’s like saying they’re more into reruns than the live-action.

  • “Do Man U fans ever get tired of hitting rewind? Watching their glory days must feel like having a favourite song stuck on repeat!

5. “The most interesting thing to happen at Old Trafford last year was a bomb threat'”

Old Trafford is where legends are made, goals are celebrated, and dreams come alive. But to reduce it to a bomb threat?

That’s like taking a masterpiece and scribbling on it with a crayon. That’s why that line would seriously tick off a Man U fan.

  • The highlight at Old Trafford last year was practically a bomb threat.” 

6. “What do you think about a charity for Man U named ‘Aid for the Trophyless.’?”

Remind them that Manchester United, a historically successful football club, hasn’t been winning many trophies lately. The term “Trophyless” implies a lack of recent victories, and the idea of a “charity” for fans adds a humorous touch as if they need to help cope with their team’s recent struggles.

  • Thinking of starting a support group for Manchester United fans – it’s called ‘Cheer-up for the Trophy Cabinet.'”
  • “Contemplating a charity for Man U fans – ‘Assistance for the Trophy-challenged’ has a nice ring, don’t you think?”

7. “Manchester United must be good gardeners since they always cultivate dreams of a title.”

Dig that United fans are good at nurturing dreams of winning, even though those dreams often don’t come true. This teases them about the continuous cycle of hoping for success and then facing letdowns. 

It’s like saying they’re better at growing expectations than actual victories. 

The line is a mix of humour and a gentle roast, making them laugh while also making them feel the sting of the reality that their dreams of a title often remain just dreams.

  • Why are Man U fans great gardeners? They grow title dreams that never bloom.”
  • “Man Utd fans excel at gardening—specialising in cultivating dreams of victory that rarely flower.”

8. “Manchester United’s defence is like a chocolate teapot – melts under pressure.”

Compare Man U’s defence to a chocolate teapot.  This comparison is like playfully saying their defence is as effective as a teapot made of chocolate, which, as you can guess, would melt when things get too hot. 

It’s a way of suggesting that when the going gets tough, the defence of Manchester United tends to crumble.

It’s a clever and amusing way of pointing out a weakness in the team. Instead of saying it bluntly, it uses a funny comparison that paints a vivid and not-so-flattering picture. 

  • “Man U’s defence is like a paper umbrella in a storm – folds under pressure!”

9. “Man U defence so tight, I couldn’t find an opening to make a joke about them.”

This kind of joke might irritate a Man U fan because it turns an attempt at teasing into unintentional praise. So, it’s a sneaky and playful way of giving credit to their team while trying to be funny.

10. “Man U and tea bags are similar because they both stay in the cup for way too long.”

Manchester United has a history of being a top team, winning numerous championships. The joke implies that their recent performance hasn’t lived up to this glorious past. 

The roast cheekily suggests that their period of not being at the top is lasting longer than expected, just like a tea bag overstaying in a cup.

11.  Did you hear that Manchester United doesn’t have a website? They can’t string three Ws together.

In web addresses, you often see “www” at the beginning. So, the roast is saying that Manchester United can’t manage to have three “W”s (wins) in a row, even in a website address. It’s a playful way of teasing the team’s performance. 

  • Did you know Man U tried to create a website? Sadly, they couldn’t link three Ws together – I guess winning isn’t just tough in games but also in web addresses for them!

12. “Man U fans never play hide and seek because good luck hiding when you’re always living in Liverpool’s shadow.”

Remind them that United fans can’t hide because Liverpool’s success forever overshadows them. 

For a passionate Manchester United supporter, it stings a bit because it’s a cheeky reminder of their team’s recent struggles compared to Liverpool.

  • Why don’t Man U fans play hide and seek? You can’t hide when Liverpool’s success is the elephant in the room

13. “Man U fans favourite magic trick has to be making titles disappear.'”

Take this clever jab at Manchester United’s recent struggles in winning the Premier League title. It’s like saying they’re so good at a magic trick that they’ve made the championship vanish from their trophy cabinet.

  • I asked a Manchester United fan for their favourite magic trick. They replied, ‘Making the trophy disappear – just like our title hopes.”
  • I once asked a Man U fan about their top magic trick. Their answer? ‘Watch our team disappear from the title race!

14. “Why did the Manchester United fan bring a ladder to the match? To watch their team’s performance on a higher level.”

 Hilarious Roasts For Man U Fans

Paint the idea that the fan needs a ladder to see the team’s “performance on a higher level.” The roast lies in the cheeky suggestion that, by bringing a ladder, the fan believes they can witness a performance that’s on a “higher level” – implying that the team’s current performance is less than impressive.

  • Why did the Manchester United fan take a ladder to the game? I think a higher view might make their team’s performance look a bit more impressive!

15. “If a Man U fan’s autobiography is in the bookstore, you’d find it in the fiction section.”

For a devoted Manchester United fan, this would be like someone saying their team’s history and the emotions they’ve invested in it are just fiction – like saying Harry Potter and the Red Devils’ unforgettable victories are equally make-believe. 

16. “I asked a Manchester United fan how many titles they’ve won recently. They said, ‘Let me check the history books.'”

Poke fun at the idea that their glory days are more in the past than the present. It’s a witty jab that tickles the funny bone and makes the fan reflect on the team’s current standing compared to its historical greatness.

  • I asked a Man U fan how many recent titles they’ve bagged. Their reply? ‘Hold up, let me dust off the history books.

17. “Why don’t Manchester United fans use bookmarks? Because the only thing worth bookmarking is their last title, ages ago.”

 Hilarious Roasts For Man U Fans

Tell them the only thing worth bookmarking for a Manchester United fan is their last title, and it’s been a while since they won a big trophy. 

Saying it’s “ages ago” pokes fun at the fact that the team hasn’t been as successful recently.

  • “Why are there no bookmarks for Man U fans? The last title feels like a historical artefact!”
  • “Man U fans skip bookmarks – only got one for their ancient last title!”

18. “Do you know how Man U and a puppy are alike? Eventually, the puppy stops whining.”

Drop this classic line to remind Manchester United fans that they are known for being vocal and passionate, sometimes complaining when their team doesn’t do well.

It’s a light-hearted tease, acknowledging the ups and downs of being a football fan and suggesting that the “whining” (complaining) from a Man U fan might stick around longer than expected.

  • “Why are Manchester United fans like puppies? Well, puppies grow out of whining, but some fans never stop!”

19. “I heard Manchester United is launching a new fragrance – it’s called ‘Eau de Mediocrity.'”

Diss the team’s current situation, making the fans realise that supporting their team might not be as glamorous as it used to be. Use the idea of a fragrance to playfully suggest that things aren’t smelling quite as sweet for the team lately.

  • “Did you catch wind of this? Manchester United has a new fragrance out – they’re calling it ‘Blah de Victory.'”

20. “I told a Manchester United fan that patience is a virtue. They said, ‘So is winning, but we’re still waiting.'”

The roast comes from poking fun at the fact that Manchester United hasn’t been as successful as they’d like in recent times, despite the fan’s enduring support. 

It’s a playful way of acknowledging the team’s struggles and expressing the fan’s desire for some long-awaited victories.

  • “Told a Man U fan to be patient like a saint. They shot back, ‘Winning’s a saint too, but it seems it’s on a really long vacation.'”
  • “Said patience is key to a Man U fan. They replied, ‘Winning’s a key too, but ours must be in the lost and found.'”


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