At one point in our lives, we all have come across toxic people, associated with them, and been friends with them before but along the line, we break free from their plagues because nothing good comes out of having a relationship with them.
Toxic people are narcissistic, manipulative, abusive, and socio-pathic.
If you find yourself needing to respond to a toxic person, then this article is for you. I have garnered clever and light-hearted comebacks to use for a toxic person.
Here are 20 Funny Roasts for a Toxic Person
- Your negativity is like a black hole – sucking joy out of every conversation.
- I didn’t realize I needed a hazmat suit for this conversation.
- Your negativity is setting new records – I didn’t know complaining could be an Olympic sport.
- I thought I’d encountered all the energy vampires, but you’ve truly outdone yourself.
- Your attitude is like a bad Yelp review – no one asked for it, and it’s ruining the experience.
- Is your negativity a new cologne, or do you just naturally repel happiness?
- I didn’t realize we were auditioning for a role in a soap opera – your drama level is impressive.
- I thought I was immune to toxic people, but then I met you – the supervillain of good vibes.
- Are you the human version of a rain cloud or just a part-time pessimist?
- I didn’t know there was a stand-up comedy night for negativity – you should consider a career change.
- If attitude were currency, you’d be a millionaire in negativity.
- Your negativity is like a fine wine – it gets worse with time.
- Your pessimism is so contagious; even my plant started wilting.
- If life were a movie, you’d be the villain with a tragic backstory – the person nobody roots for.
- I didn’t know they made a ‘Misery and Complaining’ mixtape – did you get the deluxe edition?
- I see your negativity has upgraded to the VIP section – exclusive and hard to ignore.
- Is your goal to break records in how many smiles you can turn into frowns?
- If complaining were an Olympic sport, you’d be a gold medalist with a world record.
- Are you allergic to positivity, or is spreading negativity just your superpower?
- Your negativity is like a broken record – it keeps playing the same sad tune.
1. Your negativity is like a black hole – sucking joy out of every conversation.
Give a toxic person a taste of their own poison with these classic lines of similes.
A toxic person complains about everything at a social gathering, gives constant negative remarks about colleagues’ ideas at work, and criticizes others without offering constructive feedback.
By comparing their negativity to a black hole conveys the idea that their toxic behavior has a draining effect on the overall atmosphere.
So next time you want to cut off a toxic person, deliver your roast in this manner:
- Your negativity is like an abyss– sucking good vibes out of every conversation.
2. I didn’t realize I needed a hazmat suit for this conversation.
Humorously, telling a toxic person you need a hazmat suit before having a conversation with them implies that their toxicity is so potent that it requires protective gear to be safe.
Trust me, this roast is good enough to get under the skin of a toxic person.
- There is no way I’m having a conversation with you without my Spartan armour.
3. Your negativity is setting new records – I didn’t know complaining could be an Olympic sport.
If you know of a toxic person who complains about everything, including toxic issues and refuses to see the positive side of anything, then you consider roasting them with this punchline.
Playfully framing their negativity as an accomplishment highlights the absurdity of their constant complaining.
- If you were paid for every time you complained, you should be a millionaire in dollars by now
4. I thought I’d encountered all the energy vampires, but you’ve truly outdone yourself.
You may want to roast that toxic person who does nothing better than sapping out your energy anytime you hang out with them.
Describing them as an “energy vampire” suggests that they drain positivity from others, emphasizing the impact of their toxic behavior.
- I have met energy-sucking vampires but your potential outsmart them; you must be their leader.
5. Your attitude is like a bad Yelp review – no one asked for it, and it’s ruining the experience.
Politely shun a toxic person who brings unsolicited criticism on others’ choices or actions with this clever roast.
Comparing their attitude to a bad Yelp which is an unwanted review humorously conveys that their negativity is unsolicited and detrimental.
- Your attitude is like a bad Yelp review – everyone’s trying to avoid it, and reading it makes you question your life choices.
6. Is your negativity a new cologne, or do you just naturally repel happiness?
Toxic people are naturally known for negativity and bad vibes. And the best way to roast such a toxic person is to hit on their negative traits.
Suggesting their negativity is like a scent adds a humorous touch to the criticism.
- Your negativity is like body spray, it spreads wherever you go.
7. I didn’t realize we were auditioning for a role in a soap opera – your drama level is impressive.
Toxic people are manipulative and even dramatic!
What better way to roast them than to highlight the exaggerated nature of their actions than implying that every interaction feels like a soap opera episode with unexpected twists and turns.
- Your drama level is so intense; I half-expect a dramatic plot twist and a cliffhanger ending every time we talk.
- Your drama level is so high that even Shakespeare would say, ‘Dude, chill.”
8. I thought I was immune to toxic people, but then I met you – the supervillain of good vibes.
This is a hot jab you can use for a toxic person you have once been in a relationship with. Comparing them to a supervillain exaggerates their negative impact in a light-hearted way.
- You’re like the Dr. Doom of good vibes – always scheming to bring down the positivity in the room.
9. Are you the human version of a rain cloud or just a part-time pessimist?
Another great way to roast a toxic person is to humorously liken their negativity and ability to ruin a good day to a weather phenomenon and a pessimist.
This roast is capable of making a toxic person look for covers because guess what? Your roast is burning their skin!
- Are you the human version of a raincloud, or did you just win the award for ‘Most Likely to Ruin a Sunny Day?
- Are you the human version of a raincloud, or did you just major in pessimism with a minor in gloominess?
10. I didn’t know there was a stand-up comedy night for negativity – you should consider a career change.
If you know of someone whose toxicity traits are beyond comprehension, then these lines of exaggeration are the best to use to roast such a person.
This implies that their negativity is so consistent that it could be a comedy routine or career for them.
- If there was a career in stand-up comedy night for negativity, I bet there’s no better man for the job than you.
11. If attitude were currency, you’d be a millionaire in negativity.
Using humor to emphasize the abundance of their negative attitude in a playful way is another sweet way to roast a toxic person.
Use this line to poke fun at a toxic person by saying your roast like this:
- If attitude were currency, you’d be rolling in negativity – I hope the exchange rate for happiness improves soon.
- Your portfolio lacks diversity in joy and optimism.
12. Your negativity is like a fine wine – it gets worse with time.
If you have an unrepentant toxic person you have known for years, this would be the perfect roast to throw at them.
Roasting them with a playful analogy that suggests their negativity, like wine, intensifies over time, is an all-time roast.
- Your negativity is like a fine wine – the longer I’m around, the more I appreciate the taste of positivity elsewhere.
13. Your pessimism is so contagious; even my plant started wilting.
Part of the toxic traits of a narcissist is being a pessimist. Use this punchline to roast a toxic person in a word banter and watch them at your mercy.
- Your pessimism is so strong; that it could power a generator.
14. If life were a movie, you’d be the villain with a tragic backstory – the person nobody roots for.
Add a touch of humour to the roast with this expression, relating toxic them to a vile villain who gets the sympathy of no one.
This roast hints at their terrible personality and uses distinctive words to capitalize on their bad behavior.
- If life were a movie, you’d be the villain with a tragic backstory- the one that makes people say, ‘I still don’t like them.
15. I didn’t know they made a ‘Misery and Complaining’ mixtape – did you get the deluxe edition?
If you don’t want a toxic person to go away scot-free with their toxicity, then when next you are around them and they start showing their toxicity, roast them mercilessly with this:
- No hard feelings, but if you were a song, you would be a mixture of misery, woes, and complaints.
16. I see your negativity has upgraded to the VIP section – exclusive and hard to ignore
“I see your negativity has upgraded to the VIP section – exclusive and hard to ignore” is another timely roast you can use for a toxic person who is unyielding.
With this, you are humorously phrasing their negativity as if it’s been upgraded to a premium level.
- I notice your negativity has reserved a seat in the executive lounge – it’s like the exclusive, members-only club of bad vibes
- Your negativity seems to have secured a spot in the high-end, hard-to-miss edition of gloominess.
17. Is your goal to break records in how many smiles you can turn into frowns?
Toxic people derive joy in making people sad, gloomy, and scared. Peradventure you see a toxic person trying to ruin your day, cut him off using this roast:
You must be either allergic to joy, or you just enjoy watching it suffer. Either way, you are not wanted here.
18. If complaining were an Olympic sport, you’d be a gold medalist with a world record.
Attributing toxic behavior to an imaginary competition, with a little bit of humorous tone is surely another effective way you can publicly roast a toxic person.
You can make use of this when you’re hanging out with the boys and there happens to be a toxic person amongst you who is trying to ruin the moment with his antisocial syndrome.
- If negativity were an Olympic sport, you’d definitely take home the gold medal
19. Are you allergic to positivity, or is spreading negativity just your superpower?
Using rhetorical questions to roast hits differently and act as a take-home and ponder piece.
By using this rhetorical question, you’re emphasizing their consistent negative attitude and even sarcastically painting it as a unique trait.
Use this roast for your toxic friend who likes to find fault in every positive situation;
- Do you break out in hives when exposed to joy, or is being a negative wizard your chosen profession?
- No wonder you are jobless- you are so busy spreading negativity as your full-time job?
20. Your negativity is like a broken record – it keeps playing the same sad tune.
Finally, if you aim to keep a toxic person away from you, then this roast can help you subtly achieve such a purpose.
By this, you are using the analogy of a broken record to highlight the repetitiveness of their negative remarks, and thus you have gotten to that stage where you can’t keep up with them again.
Deliver your roast like this;
- Your negativity is like a broken record – I keep hearing the same complaints, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s a skip button.
Footnote
To ensure awesome delivery of the roasts listed above, ensure you practice them beforehand. Also, don’t forget to keep things civil, and light-hearted.
Remember, the goal is not to intensify the negativity but to use humor to diffuse tension and encourage a more positive atmosphere.
Always prioritize your well-being and consider more serious approaches if the toxicity persists.