In a world where laughter is the best medicine, there exists a character named William, whose life is a perpetual sitcom. This funny roasts is about him.
From his golf swing resembling a boomerang to his unforgettable karaoke performances, William’s adventures never fail to entertain.
Join us as we delve into the comedic escapades of William through a collection of roasts that showcase the unique personality, questionable skills, and unwavering spirit of someone called William.
Brace yourselves for a journey filled with laughter, absurdity, and the timeless charm of a man who turns every mishap into a punchline. Welcome to The Chronicles of William: A Comedy of Errors.
Dig in.
20 Funny Roasts For Someone Named William
1. The Golf Swing is a boomerang
This roast begins with the William whose hubby is golf. This is sport is popular among the elite and royal. When you hear the name William, royalty comes to mind. And if the William you know loves golf, this roast is for him.
William’s golf swing is like a boomerang—it always comes back, but rarely where he expects it to.
- William’s golf swing is so unique, the caddies take cover when he tees off.
- William’s golf swing is like a mystery novel—full of twists and turns, and nobody knows how it ends.
2. The Forgetful William
Picture an old, rickety man named William. And aristocratic William who uses a cane and removes booger from his nose as he shuffles across the impeccable royal lawn.
William’s memory is so unreliable, he could forget his own birthday if it wasn’t for Facebook reminders.
- William’s memory is like a sieve—full of holes and always leaking important stuff.
- William’s forgetfulness is legendary; he once forgot his own phone number while dialing it.
3. William’s Cooking Adventures
This roast is for a young William. The thing about him is, every dinner comes out charred and uneatable—for you, not him.
Use this roast for a William who sucks at cooking, even coffee making.
William’s cooking skills are so infamous, his smoke alarm doubles as a dinner bell.
- William’s cooking is like a culinary adventure—you never know if it’s going to be a masterpiece or a disaster.
- William’s idea of a well-done steak is a hockey puck with grill marks.
4. William’s Tall Tales
If you know a William who can make the dead wake up with his preposterous tales, this roast is for him.
William’s stories are so exaggerated, they make fisherman’s tales seem like documentaries. In fact, you have to grab a map when he begins.
- William’s storytelling is like a roller coaster—thrilling, but you’re never quite sure where reality ends and fiction begins.
- William’s tales are so tall, they have their own zip code.
5. William’s DIY Disasters
If your dad’s name is William and he’s a handyman, and a man who can’t help storing things, this roast is for him. Use this roast if he never quite succeeds at completing any project
William’s attempts at home improvement could be featured on a comedy show—”The DIY Disasters of William.”
- William’s DIY projects are like watching a sitcom—you laugh, you cringe, and you hope it’ll all turn out okay in the end.
- William’s toolbox is more of a museum piece than a set of functional tools.
6. William’s Navigation Skills
This roast is for that 70 year old William still hanging onto your family tree. He can’t find his way around town without a Google map.
But even then, William often ends up in someone’s backyard, looking lost.
William’s sense of direction is so unreliable, GPS stands for “Generally Provides Suspicion” when he’s driving. He not only stresses his family, but the whole country.
- William’s sense of direction is like a compass in a magnet factory—utterly confused.
- William’s navigation skills are so poor, his GPS has filed for stress leave.
7. William’s Coffee Ritual
Do you have a William in your circle, or your family with the grumpy craze? It is not certain if his grumpiness is coffee related. But what you do know is, he takes coffee to get through his days.
William’s morning coffee routine is sacred—it’s the only thing keeping him from turning into a grumpy bear.
- William’s morning coffee is like a sunrise—it marks the beginning of a new day and brings warmth to his soul.
- William’s coffee addiction is so real, he measures time in coffee spoons.
8. William’s Tech Troubles
This roast is for anyone named William who has trouble using technology. Especially if he was born in the last century, or the one before.
You just know he’s going to swipe his way into secret crevices in his mobile phone and not be able to find his way back out.
William’s relationship with technology is a comedy of errors – if it can malfunction, it will, especially for him.
- William’s tech troubles are like a sitcom rerun—you know the punchline, but it’s still hilarious every time.
- William’s computer skills are so lacking, even the error messages give up in frustration.
9. William’s Pet Adventures
This roast is for any old William you know who owns dogs. Or some other pets. This roast suggests that William’s pets have taken on his quips. Like him, his pets now stare at the moon at night. Or something like that.
William’s pets have personalities as quirky as his own—it’s a circus at his place, and he’s the ringmaster.
- William’s pets are like characters in a sitcom—each one with its own unique quirks and catchphrases.
- William’s dog is so spoiled, it has its own spot on the couch and refuses to budge.
10. William’s Dance Moves
Roast William with this one at the next party if he is known to be a bad dancer.
William’s dance moves are a sight to behold—it’s like watching a baby giraffe trying to salsa. You will get the best result with this roast if you paint a word picture of a giraffe dancing.
- William’s dancing is like a tornado in a teacup—chaotic, yet strangely mesmerizing.
- William’s dance floor presence is so unique, it’s been classified as a new genre: “awkward chic.”
11. William’s Gardening Adventures
Begin this roast by asking your audience if they have seen William in gardening action? This question sets the mood for the hilarious picture you’re about to paint.
Basically, William’s gardening skills are so questionable, his plants have started a support group. He literally molests the plants in his garden with his tools and his boots.
- William’s gardening is like a comedy of errors—the weeds have taken over, and the flowers are staging a revolt.
12. William’s Fashion Sense
This roast attacks William’s fashion. Use this roast if the William in question is a bad dresser. With the right words you can elicit some laughs without embarrassing him.
This roast says William’s fashion choices are as unpredictable as the weather—you never know what he’ll wear next, but it’s sure to be interesting. Try the examples below.
- William’s fashion sense is like a kaleidoscope—colorful, confusing, and constantly changing.
- William’s wardrobe is a mix of styles that shouldn’t be mixed—it’s like a fashion salad with too many ingredients.
13. William’s Karaoke Nights
Use this roast with a tongue in cheek tone. Let the words you use suggest that there’s some irony in your meaning. You’re not suggesting William’s voice is anything like Justin Timberlake’s own.
Neither do you mean it’s bad. He sings off key and is proud about it. That’s likely why everyone enjoys him still.
William’s karaoke performances are just legendary—in the sense that people still talk about them years later.
- William’s karaoke skills are like a roller coaster—full of ups, downs, and unexpected twists.
- William’s rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” is so unique, Freddie Mercury might request a rewrite from beyond the grave.
14. William’s Relationship with Time
Use this roast if William is an old uncle or grandfather. The primary purpose of this roast is to make everyone laugh, not to poke fun at an old man’s disability.
But make sure William’s mind can sometimes be foggy about time. His concept of time is as flexible as a rubber band—it stretches, it snaps, and it’s never quite where you expect it to be. As shown in the examples below.
- William’s punctuality is like a mirage—you think you see it, but it disappears as you get closer.
- William’s watch is more of a decoration than a timepiece—it’s right twice a day, by accident.
15. William’s DIY Haircuts
Begin by questioning why anyone would want to cut their own hair. The roast suggests that William cuts his own hair by himself. And he botches it every time.
His attempts at cutting his own hair are a comedy routine—every snip brings a new surprise.
He could enter a comedy central competition with this DIY thing and win. Use any of the hilarious examples below.
- William’s DIY haircuts are like modern art—abstract, open to interpretation, and usually best appreciated from a distance.
- William’s barber skills are so lacking, even the mannequin heads at the salon look concerned.
16. William’s Workout Regimen
You have to direct everyone’s attention to William’s protruding gut to make this roast funny.
Spread your hands at his prominent belly and show everyone why William has not been able to get rid of the problem. Imagine getting motivational messages for the gym in Morse code.
William’s fitness routine is a balancing act between determination and procrastination—with procrastination often winning. Use this hilarious examples below.
- William’s gym visits are like unicorns—rumored to exist, but rarely seen in the wild.
- William’s exercise routine is so sporadic, his Fitbit sends him motivational messages in Morse code.
17. William’s Cooking Disasters
This roast is for William your married friend whose wife is out of town for months. He is left with his own devices and he’s not managing well.
His kitchen escapades are a testament to the resilience of takeout containers. He burns his food, quenches the flames with the fire extinguisher. Which ruins his food most times.
Use this roast during a night out with William. Make it funnier by using it when William’s wife is back home and you’re recounting all the disasters.
- William’s cooking skills are like a magic show—you never know what’s going to disappear first, the ingredients or the appetite.
- William’s cooking is so legendary, his fire extinguisher has its own fan club.
18. William’s Camping Misadventures
If you camp with William, this roast is your new mood boost when things get boring. William is an awkward guy. He can’t help being so even when he’s packing his camping gear.
William’s camping trips are also like survival reality shows—except the wildlife is more scared of him than he is of them. Use any of these examples below.
- William’s camping gear is more suited for a backyard sleepover than a wilderness expedition.
- William’s idea of roughing it involves room service and a down comforter.
19. William’s Office Antics
In this roast you can make anything up about William’s workplace shenanigans.
You can have fun with this particular roast, tweaking it, adding whatever is necessary to make your audience laugh.
His office pranks are the stuff of legends—his coworkers never know what’s coming next, but they know it’ll be memorable.
- William’s office shenanigans are like a sitcom pilot—full of laughs, misunderstandings, and questionable decisions.
- William’s desk is a treasure trove of office supplies and questionable snacks—it’s like a vending machine with a keyboard.
20. William’s Stand-Up Comedy Dreams
Finally, William can deliver edge-of-your-seat comedy. The only thing it, you could be on the edge of your seat, wincing or smiling.
You just never know which. This roast allows you to make up wild scenarios of William’s comedy mishaps.
William’s dreams of stand-up comedy stardom are fueled by laughter and the occasional heckler. You can make it seem like this is why William has never landed a gig since.
- William’s comedy routines are like a roller coaster—thrilling, terrifying, and sometimes someone throws up.
- William’s jokes are so cheesy, they come with a side of nachos.
Final Thoughts
The roast in this article works just fine for all shades of William. From the quirky one to the introverted jerk.
Everyone would love William after this roast. Or they’d hate him. But one things for sure, they’ll laugh.