Getting people to laugh at jokes is quite challenging, not to mention cracking jokes about something as boring as “History ”, now that’s another level of funny.
Well not to worry, I have prepared 30 History themed, one-liner jokes that you could share with your friends or family members.
By the TIME you’re done with delivering these expressions, your audience is definitely going to wish they could go back in TIME to hear you say it all over again.
If this strikes your interest then let’s get cracking!
List of 30 Jokes to Share
- The History teacher loves his girlfriend because they have History together.
- It’s tough to offend an Historian, they never let go of the past.
- If I was one of the ancient cavemen, I would be so happy that not shaving is a normality.
- Romans are merciless warriors yet a few letters to Romance.
- The hardest thing for an Historian is to move on.
- Going on a date with a History teacher is like attending a war strategy class for world war three.
- History teachers dress like they got their wardrobe during the Victorian period.
- If I need help to wrap a gift I will give it to the mummy because she’s wrapped beautifully well.
- What better way to punish an Historian than to steal his books.
- History books are similar to time traveling, I hope you don’t get stuck in time.
- History teachers know a lot of dates yet have never been on a date.
- If I was born during the old times I would have been a knight that was afraid of the night.
- I have so many dates in my brain that I mixed my birth date with Abraham Lincoln’s.
- Historians wouldn’t understand what blind date means.
- I don’t think real Historians use cell phones, they have birds to help them increase their followers on Instagram.
- Why did the Middle Ages have so many knights? They needed someone to protect the realm of bad jokes!
- Abraham Lincoln and I are both pioneers, he was the first president while I was first to not care.
- Historians can’t be artists because they wouldn’t want to draw conclusions.
- Imagine what a Greek philosopher would say on his first date, let’s keep a platonic relationship.
- Even my bicycle is two-tired from this lecture.
- Historians love grammar, especially the past participles.
- If I was a warrior I would draw my sword with a pencil.
- Historians never hurry up because they never run out of time.
- She divorced her husband because he couldn’t let go of the past.
- Historians are definitely old fashioned with everything.
- As an archaeologist, I decided to dig out the truth.
- What would an Historian be without Abraham Lincoln? Themselves.
- Historians look like Abraham Lincoln’s stunt double.
- He broke up with his girlfriend because their eras were different, Victorian decline Medieval.
- History teachers would love to be a part of your past.
The History teacher loves his girlfriend because they have History together.
This joke plays on the double meaning of “History .” In one sense, it refers to the subject taught by the History teacher.
In another sense, it refers to the shared experiences and time spent together by the History teacher and his girlfriend, which is also referred to as “History .”
So, the joke humorously suggests that the teacher loves his girlfriend because they have a shared past, or “History ,” together.
- I have a lot of History with my girlfriend, not just because I teach her History .
- As a History teacher, I have a lot of History with my friends.
It’s tough to offend an Historian, they never let go of the past.
This joke is a play on the stereotype that Historians are deeply entrenched in the past and often dwell on historical events rather than focusing on the present or the future.
By saying it’s tough to offend an Historian because they never let go of the past, the joke suggests that Historians are so fixated on History that they are less affected by current events or insults.
- I offended an Historian and it went down in History .
- I can’t pick a fight with an Historian, they won’t let go.
If I was one of the ancient cavemen, I would be so happy that not shaving is a normality.
This hilarious expression humorously reflects on the modern trend of not shaving, particularly facial hair, as a cultural norm.
By imagining oneself as an ancient caveman, the joke suggests that if they were alive today, they would appreciate the fact that not shaving is considered normal.
It’s a humorous way of contrasting modern grooming habits with those of ancient times, implying that ancient humans would have embraced the freedom from grooming expectations in contemporary society.
- If I was an ancient caveman, I would be happy that not shaving is stylish.
- Shaving beards to a contemporary man in ancient times must have been a nightmare.
Romans are merciless warriors yet a few letters to Romance.
This one-liner expression is a good History joke as it plays on the wordplay between “Romans,” referring to the ancient people known for their fierce military prowess, and “Romance,” referring to the emotional and passionate aspect of love and relationships.
By contrasting the image of Romans as ruthless warriors with the idea of “Romance,” the joke humorously suggests that despite their reputation for being fierce, even Romans had a softer side when it came to matters of the heart.
- Romans are merciless but they are very close to romance.
- Romance is gentle even if the Romans need it.
The hardest thing for an Historian is to move on.
This joke revolves around the stereotype that Historians are often deeply invested in the past and find it difficult to let go or move on from historical events.
By saying that the hardest thing for an Historian is to move on, it humorously suggests that Historians have a strong attachment to the past and may struggle to focus on the present or future.
- Historians never move on, they are in love with the past.
- The last thing an Historian does is to move on.
Going on a date with a History teacher is like attending a war strategy class for world war three.
It plays on the idea that History teachers, due to their extensive knowledge of past events, may unintentionally turn a casual date into an intense discussion resembling a strategic analysis of warfare.
The comparison highlights the potential for History teachers to bring their passion and expertise to any conversation, even a date, making it feel like a scholarly lecture rather than a romantic outing.
- I went on a date with a History teacher once, I thought I was in world war three class.
- A world war three class is the same as going on a date with a History teacher.
History teachers dress like they got their wardrobe during the Victorian period.
By implying that History teachers dress like they acquired their wardrobe from the Victorian era ( an era known for elaborate fashion, high shoulder pads e.t.c.), the joke suggests that they may have an old-fashioned or outdated sense of style.
It’s a playful jab at the perceived quirks often associated with individuals who are deep in the study of History.
- I think you got your wardrobe in the Victorian era.
- Your wardrobe must have outlived the Victorian era.
If I need help to wrap a gift I will give it to the mummy because she’s wrapped beautifully well.
This joke humorously suggests that if someone needs help wrapping a gift, they would give it to their mother (mummy) because she is skilled at wrapping things beautifully.
The pun cleverly connects the idea of wrapping with the ancient Egyptian practice of mummification, creating a playful twist on the word “mummy” in the context of gift wrapping.
- You’re so good with wrapping mummies, you must have wrapped them.
- I want to wrap up a gift, I need someone that wrapped the mummy.
What better way to punish an Historian than to steal his books.
This joke plays on the assumption that Historians have a strong attachment to their books, which are essential tools for their research and understanding of History .
By suggesting that stealing a Historian’s books would be a form of punishment, the joke humorously exaggerates the significance of books to Historians.
- If you steal a book from a Historian you are surely getting killed.
- It’s the same with murder when you steal an Historian book.
History books are similar to time traveling, I hope you don’t get stuck in time.
A line like this cleverly compares reading History books to time traveling because they allow readers to explore and learn about past events and periods.
By likening History books to time traveling, the joke suggests that readers should be cautious not to get “stuck in time,” implying that they shouldn’t become so engrossed in the past that they neglect the present or fail to move forward.
- History books are the same with time traveling.
- If you’re interested in time traveling, just read a History book.
History teachers know a lot of dates yet have never been on a date.
This joke humorously plays on the idea that History teachers, despite being knowledgeable about historical dates and events, may not have much personal experience with romantic dates.
It suggests that their expertise lies more in remembering historical dates than in going on romantic outings themselves.
- You are very good with dates on the calendar but not an actual date.
- I am shocked that you know a thousand dates but have never been on a date.
If I was born during the old times I would have been a knight that was afraid of the night.
This is a clever use of the words ‘night’ (before sunrise) and ‘knight,’ (a brave warrior).
It means that the individual would have been a knight who was afraid of the night, the joke humorously suggests a contradiction or irony: despite being a courageous knight, they would have been afraid of the darkness of night.
It’s a playful twist on the traditional image of knights as fearless warriors, highlighting the humorous aspect of imagining someone with such a paradoxical fear.
- I would have been the first knight that was afraid of the night if I was born in ancient times.
- I would love to be a knight but I have the night.
I have so many dates in my brain that I mixed my birth date with Abraham Lincoln’s.
A History joke like this could get a crowd laughing hysterically and is also a good line to share.
It’s a light-hearted way of highlighting the extent of the speaker’s historical knowledge while also poking fun at the potential for confusion that comes with having a lot of information stored in one’s memory.
- I accidentally thought my birthday was the same as Abraham Lincoln’s.
- I have so many dates in my brain, it can’t accommodate more dates at the moment.
Historians wouldn’t understand what blind date means.
By suggesting that Historians wouldn’t understand what a blind date means, the joke humorously implies that Historians, being focused on the past and historical events, might not be familiar with modern dating terminology or concepts.
It’s a light-hearted jab at the idea that Historians may be more comfortable with historical dates than contemporary social interactions.
- Historians know a lot of dates but have no idea about a blind date.
- They think that dates should be seen, they wouldn’t understand blind dates.
I don’t think real Historians use cell phones, they have birds to help them increase their followers on Instagram.
By implying that Historians rely on birds, which were used historically for communication, rather than cell phones for social media engagement, the joke humorously exaggerates the idea of Historians being out of touch with contemporary technology.
It’s a playful way of poking fun at the perceived divide between historical study and modern digital culture.
- Historians don’t use phones, they make use of birds as a form of loyalty.
- As a form of loyalty, Historians use only birds to update their status on WhatsApp.
Why did the Middle Ages have so many knights? They needed someone to protect the realm of bad jokes.
This hilarious joke is good to share. It throws in a little tease at Historians not being funny.
By implying that knights were tasked with protecting the realm of bad jokes, the joke humorously combines historical imagery with a modern twist on the concept of protection, adding a playful element to the stereotype of knights as noble defenders.
- Middle ages knights must have been a good help to protect the realm of bad jokes.
- Bad jokes must have been seized by the Knights of the middle era, Mr Historian.
Abraham Lincoln and I are both pioneers, he was the first president while I was first to not care.
By humorously asserting that they were the first to not care, the joke plays on the idea of being a pioneer or trailblazer in an unconventional way.
It’s a lighthearted jab at the notion of historical significance, juxtaposing Lincoln’s monumental achievements with the speaker’s tongue-in-cheek claim to fame.
- Abraham Lincoln is the first president of the United States, I wish I cared about that.
- Do I get to go down in History for being the first not to care about Abraham Lincoln?
Historians can’t be artists because they wouldn’t want to draw conclusions.
This joke cleverly plays on the word “draw” in two different contexts.
In one sense, “draw” refers to the act of creating art, suggesting that Historians wouldn’t want to be artists because they wouldn’t want to draw (create) conclusions.
By combining these two meanings, the joke humorously suggests that Historians wouldn’t want to be artists because they wouldn’t want to draw (create) conclusions, implying that Historians are cautious about making definitive judgments or interpretations based on historical evidence.
- Historians never want to draw any conclusions, that’s why they can’t be artists.
- Being an artist and a History teacher, it’s hard to draw conclusions.
Imagine what a Greek philosopher would say on his first date, let’s keep a platonic relationship.
By imagining what a Greek philosopher might say on a first date, the joke suggests that they would humorously opt for a “Platonic relationship,” referencing Plato’s philosophical ideas rather than expressing romantic interest.
It’s a playful twist on the concept of dating, blending historical philosophy with modern social interactions in a humorous way.
- The Greek philosopher must have only kept platonic relationships.
- The Greek philosopher couldn’t be a baby daddy because he kept a platonic relationship.
Even my bicycle is two-tired from this lecture.
This is a brilliant punchline and an excellent use of play on words of ‘two tyre’ and ‘too tired.’
Perhaps the context could be that the individual is in a boring History class, this joke could make a person laugh. It’s a good History joke to express how most History classes could be viewed as boring.
- My bicycle is too tired from this lecture.
- I am as tyred as my bicycle is because of this lecture.
Historians love grammar, especially the past participles.
By saying that Historians love grammar, especially past participles, the joke humorously suggests that Historians have a particular affinity for discussing events that have already occurred, or in other words, “the past.”
It’s a light-hearted play on words that combines the idea of Historians’ interest in the past with a grammatical term, highlighting their focus on studying historical events.
- Historians love grammar, especially the past participle, they aren’t a fan of the future tense.
- I think people who love History are obsessed with the use of past tense.
If I was a warrior I would draw my sword with a pencil.
This is an hilarious tease to Historians as it plays on the stereotype that they are fond of always writing about historical knowledge especially centered on past warriors and leaders.
A joke like this would be good to use on your friends that are into History.
I wonder how an Historian would draw his sword, perhaps with a pencil.
The only sword that an Historian can draw is perhaps with a pencil
Historians never hurry up because they never run out of time.
This is a funny joke that relates to History that you could share. It plays on the irony that Historians, who often deal with deadlines and historical timelines, are perceived as being unaffected by time constraints due to their comprehensive knowledge of past events.
- The only people that never hurry up are Historians.
- Historians have lived across every time, why should they hurry up?
She divorced her husband because he couldn’t let go of the past.
By saying that someone divorced their husband because he couldn’t let go of the past, the joke humorously suggests that the husband’s preoccupation with historical events or nostalgia interfered with his ability to maintain a present-day relationship.
It’s a creative and funny twist on the idea of letting go of the past in both personal and historical contexts.
- You can’t let go of the past, I shouldn’t have married a Historian.
- Dating an Historian isn’t easy, you have to constantly revisit the past.
Historians are definitely old fashioned with everything.
It’s a playful jab at the stereotype that Historians, who spend much of their time studying ancient civilizations and historical periods, may also exhibit characteristics associated with those times, such as preferring older styles of clothing, communication, or cultural practices.
It’s a lighthearted way of highlighting the connection between Historians’ academic interests and their personal tendencies.
- Historians are old fashioned about everything, they should try something present.
- Your house looks like you bought it in the Victorian era.
As an archaeologist, I decided to dig out the truth.
This is a creative way of using the word “digging’” in a dual meaning form.
By saying they decided to “dig out the truth,” the joke suggests that the speaker, as an archaeologist, is using their expertise in excavation to uncover truths or secrets, not just in the ground but in other contexts as well.
It’s a humorous way of blending the literal and figurative meanings of “digging” in the context of historical investigation.
- An archaeologist like me isn’t afraid of digging out the truth.
- An archaeologist is always good at digging out the truth in diverse ways.
What would an Historian be without Abraham Lincoln? Themselves.
This joke humorously suggests that without Abraham Lincoln, an iconic figure in American History, Historians would just be themselves, implying that Lincoln’s significance is so immense that it defines much of the field of History .
It’s a playful jab at the idea that certain historical figures loom so large in the collective consciousness that they become almost synonymous with the study of History itself.
- Abraham Lincoln would appreciate it if you were more of yourself than him.
- You’re such a clone of Abraham Lincoln, it’s so fake.
Historians look like Abraham Lincoln’s stunt double.
This joke humorously suggests that Historians, due to their interest and involvement in studying historical figures like Abraham Lincoln, often resemble his “stunt double,” implying that they share physical similarities with Lincoln or may even adopt a similar appearance consciously or unconsciously.
- Historians look like Abraham Lincoln’s puked on them.
- Abraham Lincoln would be irritated with how much you look like him.
He broke up with his girlfriend because their eras were different, Victorian decline Medieval.
Saying that someone broke up with their girlfriend because their “eras” were different, the joke humorously suggests that their relationship ended because they were from different historical periods, such as the Victorian era and the Medieval era.
It’s a playful humor on the concept of compatibility, implying that their differences in historical preference or mindset were significant enough to cause a breakup.
- He broke up with his girlfriend because the era wasn’t seeing eye to eye.
- She is in an era that we can’t agree on.
History teachers would love to be a part of your past.
This is a hilarious History joke, especially for History teachers.
It highlights the fact that teachers who often encourage their students to be more for the future, would in contrast be interested in the past, which playfully teases History teacher’s obsession with past events.
A joke like this would be fun to share with your friends or friends that are into History topics.
- I am your History teacher, of course I care about your past.
- Your future is bright but as your History teacher I am interested in your past.