150 Things to Say in a Roast Battle

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

Greetings to all roasters and potential roasters! This article is set to enlighten you on a topic that will surely strike your interest. 

A roast battle is never easy as it could be really embarrassing if you have no punchlines.

If you’re wondering how to nail a roast battle with your friends or perhaps your arch nemesis then you no longer need to worry because you just stumbled upon the right article. 

This article contains 150 things to say in a roast battle that will definitely guarantee you your spot at the top.

Whether it is to make fun of your opponent’s hair, fashion sense or personality these expressions have incorporated that to help you figure out how you could coin yours or simply use the already crafted ones in a clever way.

With the right usage of these sarcastic and hilarious comments, you will have your opponent begging at your feet. 

If you desire the best of the best expressions then continue reading. 

Table of Contents

List of 150 Things to Say in a Roast Battle

No one has actually seen a real dinosaur, it’s almost like your sense of style. 

If your clothes ever get remade I am sure they’ll pray never to be bought by you. They must have had a traumatic experience. 

Could you not stand too close to me, your breath smells like a skunk fart. 

The only place you’re well recognised is the thrift store, I didn’t expect more from a cheap lady like you. 

Whenever I am talking about intelligent people, try not to think you’re one of them. 

It’s called a microphone, not a cucumber, you don’t have to try to eat it. 

The number of your trophies you have is the same with the girls you’ve been with, capital Zero!

Who did you think was going to laugh at your jokes, your mum? 

If the spots on your skin could turn to money, you would be a millionaire. 

I don’t think you prepared for a roast battle, well you can join the crowd and cheer for me as well. 

Your financial status should no longer be called ‘dead broke’ instead it should be ‘ evaporated powder’. 

You’re a very smart man, I bet all the toddlers in the room agree with me. 

No matter how loud you speak, the fact still remains, no one listens to an empty barrel. 

You’re the kind of fool that isn’t aware of his intellectual status, that’s why you keep spitting. 

I am envious of people who don’t have to hear you talk. They are living free from hearing your trash talk. 

Your brain must always be on a vacation for you to be this way. Do you mind calling it to come back, it’s attention is needed. 

I’d call you a donkey, but that would be an insult to hardworking and intelligent animals everywhere. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

Whenever you step into a room, the air becomes polluted instantly. 

You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.

You should be a representative for the Anti-thinkers community. No to being wise! 

You make me feel like you have a tube stuck in your ears. Is it a test tube or a regular tube?

The best decision you’ll ever make is surrendering to me, you know you don’t stand a chance. 

You need an upgrade in your fashion sense, your friends, in fact, your entire life needs an upgrade. 

You’re so broke, you don’t even have a banking app on your phone, do you even have an account? 

Your account balance is looking like the number of a radio station. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

The girls that don’t turn you down are probably in search of a laundry man. 

You must have been the inspiration behind creating Chukky’s look, but he still looks better. 

The only time I hang out with you is If I am trying to avoid a lady. 

You sound like your vocal cords got squashed by a trailer. 

Even failures feel successful next to you. That’s how much of a pathetic failure you are.  

I hope you finally realize how stupid you are, that would be a good day for everyone. 

One of the remedies of Insomnia is to have you start talking about yourself. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

Do you know why losers smile when you’re in the room? They’ve finally seen who they could call a loser. 

After I saw your girlfriend, I finally understood true love, beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder. 

You have such a nice body to cover up your emptiness inside. So pitiful!

I’ve started to fall in love with your absence, it is amazing. May your presence never return. 

If I begin to hang roll with the likes of you, I will be a failure in no time. 

My little sister wanted to learn about different shapes so I told her to look at your teeth. 

Whenever I say I am facing challenges, I mean I am facing you. You’re my challenge. 

The biggest mistake I have ever made is standing right next to me. 

I love how brave you are, you dare to look at yourself in the mirror every day. Incredible!

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

You’re so ugly that after a makeover, you won’t be able to unlock your phone with a face ID.

Whoever told you that you were attractive must have had their eyes eaten by vultures. 

The moment you start to think I am your type, must be the moment I am officially retarded. 

We need to start a fundraiser for people who tragically have to see your face everyday.

There’s peace whenever you decide to shut up, too bad you hate peace. 

Your toothpaste is made from cow dung right? I can tell. 

Don’t blame anyone for not asking you out to prom, blame the nightmare you call face. 

I am fascinated with the shape of your nose, it’s like a fish hook. 

I think you should put an end to the movement of your mouth, it’s hazardous. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

I wouldn’t leave you to supervise my kids, but I could leave them to supervise you, that’s more safe. 

Not even makeup or plastic surgery could make your face look normal. 

I would rather be dead than to spend a day living in your body. 

I don’t know how to say this nicely, but the truth is you’re intellectually incapacitated. 

You make the loudest noise yet say the dumbest things, it’s simply called foolishness. 

If I ever desire my business to crash and burn, I would just hire you. 

I don’t think you have anything you regret more than having such a face. 

The biggest miracle would be not sleeping while you’re talking. I sincerely think that’s impossible. 

I always wonder if you have a brain in your skull, it must be chocolate pudding in there. 

You’re the most lazy unemployed person I have ever met. Get a life already!

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

Have you ever considered a brain transplant? The one you’re using currently is very faulty. 

There’s isn’t anything as depressing as being your friend. 

You’re not a bad person; you’re just not a good one either.

Your thought process is like an overloaded android phone storage. 

Your IQ right now is at a negative one. I am so ashamed for you. 

You’re like a human pop-up ad – annoying and impossible to ignore. 

You are so fat, you need to add butter to the sides of the doorway, for you to be able to come in. 

You’re so dark that if you put on a white t-shirt at night, people are going to think there’s just white t-shirt floating in the air. 

There’s something similar about the crackers you’re eating, you’re both doomed. 

Something is striking about you and it’s not your hideous face. 

I have all the reasons to believe that you’re abnormal. 

I don’t think you have swag if anything, I think you wear rag. 

You are not meant to smile with those colorful teeth of yours. 

You’re just as empty as your promises. 

If I was asked what part of your body you use less, it would say your brain. 

Your hair looks hideous, it’s like wet puppy fur. 

Your body keeps deteriorating inside and out drastically. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

I hope you understand why you are not really loved by anyone. 

I thought your face was the only thing that was plastic, I didn’t know your life was. 

Your nickname must be Disappointment, you’re all about it. 

Everything makes you angry, it must suck living your life. 

Your brain’s Wi-Fi seems to be on the slowest connection – we’re stuck in buffering. Your complexion reminds me of the rainbow, they’re all different colors. 

Your taste bud must have been thrown to the pit, this food tastes horrible. 

Your head is shaped like that of an octopus. 

I tried looking for a solution to your problems, turns out there isn’t any solution. 

If you’re looking for irrelevant information just open your mouth and say something. 

You have high standards when it comes to foolishness, you’re a classy fool. 

 Even if I gave you my entire wealth, you’ll still end up being broke. Money isn’t your thing. 

Guess what I do to all unwanted files on my phone, I delete them, and that’s what I am going to do to you as well. 

 If you audition for the role of a shark in a movie, you’re going to get the part for sure. 

I will not allow your dirty attitude rub off on me, I better stay as far away as I can get. 

You’re so strong, strong that you can lift a cup of water and probably choke on it. 

You’re too sick to be taken out of a psychiatrist’s hospital. That should be your home. 

I don’t know which one’s flatter, my tire or your butt. 

Is toothpaste and a toothbrush mythological to you? It’s very real. 

Your type of laugh is one that could make happy babies cry for their Mummy. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

If I could pay a visit inside of you, I am definitely going to see a lot of cobwebs. 

You’re the kind of liar that could make the dead rise to give you a smack on the head. 

You are the cutest delusional person I have ever met. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

You must find wisdom apohling because you definitely don’t have it. 

 People who are wise will try as much as possible to keep you away. 

The words that can describe your stupidity have not been invented. 

You are a good representative of the bad decisions you’ve made over the years. 

Your admirer must be from outer space because no human could ever find you attractive. 

. Almost everything that crosses paths with you dies as a result of your bad breath. 

You are very supportive of yourself, you say the joke, laugh at the joke, applaud, all by yourself!

You have the nicest clothes but the poorest body to put it on. 

You joke too much, now your entire life looks like a joke. 

Even your biggest accomplishment looks like failure next to my mistakes. 

I don’t agree with people who think you’re dumb, but I agree with people who know you’re dumb

I wish your mouth had a remote control, I would never turn it on. 

There’s a place your face could be fixed, but it’s beyond this world. 

I thought no one would be dumber than you until I met your family members. 

Do you ever make use of your ears? Were they flushed down the toilet?

 Everyday must be Halloween for you, you scare people a lot. 

You must have spent a lot of time in the sun because your brain is completely fried. 

Your entire life savings can’t even afford my wrist watch. 

Are your legs fighting? They seem to be pointing in different directions. 

Taking advantage of you is a disadvantage. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

The best way to get rid of unwanted noise is to get rid of you. 

Your nose looks like molded clay, how hideous! 

Hope you’re learning from me, how to drop roast punchlines? 

Your words are equivalent to lies, no one will ever believe you. 

No matter how tall you are, you’re never going to grow beyond my waist level. 

If you will just keep quiet for a second I would teach you how to win a roast battle. 

I sincerely believe that you need medical attention, a lot of people agree with me. 

You think that you can roast me? I doubt you could roast corn. 

Even my leftover pizza at home has more value than you’ll ever have. 

Stupidity must be your talent, you’ve mastered it quite well. 

Almost every living thing on earth has a higher IQ than you do. 

There are many abstract things in the world, an example is your wealth. 

The kind of lies that you tell people should get you arrested, it’s too much. 

You might be in your thirties but you refuse to allow your brain to think beyond the brain of a teenager. 

 Whenever I look at you I reaffirm my decision not to have kids. 

The devil must be so proud of you, you look so much like him. 

I think you should try getting clothes your own size, you’re not exactly a size 10. 

You make everything look like a sad story at this point. 

Don’t you think you should reduce the amount of makeup on your face, it’s not changing anything. 

Your mirror should be burnt, that thing has reflected a lot of disturbing things.

It is your kind of voice that is perfect for summoning demons at night. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

If you had won that beauty pageant then I would have turned to a fish. 

The biggest lie you’ve ever told is that you have a great personality.

Please have mercy on your boyfriend, it’s bad enough that he kisses you everyday. 

The way you speak about yourself makes me wonder if you have bipolar disorder. 

I thought that being short was your only defect until I checked your account balance, that’s even shorter. 

Imagine being asked out on a date by you, I would doubt my self worth for a second. 

I would rather spend time with an anaconda than with a person like you. 

I am easily irritated by your presence, do you mind evaporating? 

Your t-shirt looks like it was stolen from a clown’s closet. 

Things to Say in a Roast Battle

I am trying hard to hold my breath while you’re talking, I don’t want to die. 


Final Thoughts

A roast battle isn’t one you engage in without being creative; ready to use any elements related to your opponent to serve them some good old diss. Considering the context and the right comic tone will also go a long way in helping you be the best ‘Roast Lord’ you can be. 

With these expressions already listed, I hope you find one that you could put to use or share with your friends preparing for a roast battle.  

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *