Ever attended a retirement party? That day can be one of the best moments to celebrate with colleagues, reminisce on great memories, share jokes, and throw harmless punchlines.
If you’re going to be attending a retirement party soon, you might just need interesting insults for the retiree to make the atmosphere more lovely.
However, if you don’t know how to go about that, this article is for you, so you don’t have to worry.
In this article, I’ll be discussing some harmless jokes for someone at a retirement party.
20 Different Roasts for Someone at a Retirement Party
There are different ways to roast someone at a retirement party: by recalling old memories, remembering funny moments, and creating jokes about their failed attempt at something.
For example, “Congratulations mate, you’re now a full-time husband to your wife,” “Congratulations, Mary, I have always known you’ve longed to do nothing.
Now, it’s the time,” and “Wow! So you worked hard all these years to end up as what, a couch potato?”
Below are 20 funny roasts for someone at a retirement party:
- What do you call someone who loves Mondays? Retired
- I know plenty of jokes about retired people. Sadly, none of them works
- How does a retired person bid farewell at their party? Goodbye, tension, and hi, pension!
- It’s sad you’re leaving, who’ll cover up for me now whenever I’m late?
- Congratulations mate, you’re now a full-time husband to your wife
- Congratulations, Mary, I have always known how you’ve longed to do nothing. Now, it’s the time
- I’m glad you’ll finally stop lying about your age and begin lying around the house
- It’s a good thing for you, Josh. I can’t imagine you running through that door anymore with a badly knotted tie
- Now, you don’t have to worry about running late anymore. You only have your husband to disturb
- I heard that Joshua has decided to take up walking now; from the bedroom to the TV to the couch and back again to the bedroom
- We’re all going to miss your beautiful smile, afternoon treats, and complete incapacity to operate a Zoom app
- We’re always going to miss your ability to kill all the happy vibes by just entering a room
- Now that Collins is retired, he doesn’t have to worry about wearing pants anymore
- Sam has now retired from hearing the boss scream at him and will resume hearing the wife’s shouting. What a wonderful twist!
- Wow! So you worked hard all these years to end up as what, a couch potato?
- I’m really sorry for your loss boss, you no longer have anyone call you boss again
- Now, you can go break that alarm clock as you’ve always wanted
- Now, you’ve got all the time to listen to your wife whining. I hope you remember how to cook too.
- It’s just like being a baby now; no job, no pressure, no pay
- Now, you and a cat have many things in common, only that it sleeps all day while you sleep night and day
What Do You Call Someone Who Loves Mondays? Retired
If you ask an employee what day of the week they dread most, Monday will have the highest mention.
No one enjoys enjoying the weekend and having to wake early to resume Monday’s work. But, of course, with a retiree the case is different.
This line is an interesting roast line to start your roast speech at a retirement party. It’s sure to get everyone in an excited mood.
- No one loves Monday more than a retiree
- Now, Patricia’s best friend is Monday
I Know Plenty of Jokes About Retired People. Sadly, None of Them Works
Another good opening speech at a retirement party you can use to roast a retiree is this great one-liner.
This is a play on words that’ll surely get a good laugh from people present. You can use it to tease the person retiring, without offending anyone.
How Does a Retired Person Bids Farewell at Their Party? Goodbye, Tension, and Hi, Pension!
Yes, one thing a close-to-retiring worker always looks forward to is that time they’ll be free from pressure and start earning their pension.
This joke makes fun of them by reminding them what they have always looked forward to. It’s a great play on words to set the mood at a retirement party.
It’s Sad You’re Leaving, Who’ll Cover up for Me Now Whenever I’m Late?
As I’ve earlier stated, one of the ways you can make fun of someone at a retirement party is by recalling some of the things they did while working.
So, this line here is a sarcastic one that sounds sad. However, it’s a funny way of letting everyone know they usually cover up for you when you’re late. It’s a beautiful way of revealing their secret.
- Now, I can’t come late anymore, there’s no one to save my ass any longer
- I’m sad that I’ll have to wake up early now that you’re leaving
Congratulations Mate, You’re Now a Full-time Husband to Your Wife
“Congratulations mate, you’re now a full-time husband to your wife” is a silly statement you can use to tease a male retiree.
Congratulating them at a retirement party with these words is sure to get everyone in fits of laughter. This statement teases them about leaving their full-time job to become a full-time husband.
- Technically, Mark is leaving a job for another job in the house
- Let me remind you that being a full-time husband is also a job
Congratulations, Mary, I Have Always Known How You’ve Longed to Do Nothing. Now, It’s the Time
Another way you can roast someone at a retirement party is by teasing them for always looking forward to stopping work.
Many retirees have always longed for that moment when they don’t have to do anything serious again. So, this is a perfect line you can use to make fun of them for their longing.
I’m Glad You’ll Finally Stop Lying About Your Age and Begin Lying Around the House
While there are people who look forward to retiring early, there are people who lie about their age to keep them longer in the job.
However, they can’t keep up with that for too long. So, when eventually they retire, the perfect time to call them out is at their retirement party.
And there’s no perfect line that’ll roast them well but this punny statement.
It’s a Good Thing for You, Josh. I Can’t Imagine You Running Through That Door Anymore with a Badly Knotted Tie
Remember I had said you can perfectly roast a retired person by reminding them of some of the things they couldn’t do properly.
If your roastee never properly knotted a tie or came to work with a badly knotted tie on some occasion, a retirement party is the perfect time to call them out.
This statement teases them humorously about their failure. It’ll surely cause a good laugh.
- Now, you don’t have to worry about wearing a tie that never fits you
- Finally, you’ll be free of that prison around your neck
Now, You Don’t Have to Worry About Running Late Anymore. You Only Have Your Husband to Disturb
This roast here is a crazy one-liner for a female retiree.
It calls them out for always coming late to work. Also, reminding them that they only have their husband to disturb is a way of making fun of them for being a disturbance at work.
It’s a smooth way of calling them out for all their wrongs without offending them.
I Heard That Joshua Has Decided to Take Up Walking Now; From the Bedroom to the TV to the Couch and Back Again to the Bedroom
Another funny way to tease someone at retirement is by making fun of the lack of serious activities they’re about to face.
This statement reminds them of the idleness they’re going to face by being home all day. Funnily enough, moving around some particular spaces in the house is how many retired people will live their lives.
We’re All Going to Miss Your Beautiful Smile, Afternoon Treats, and Complete Incapacity to Operate a Zoom App
This is another great line you can use to roast someone at a retirement party.
This is a hilarious statement that first begins with compliments. But, calling them out for their lack of knowledge of the Zoom app is a crazy one-liner they won’t forget in a hurry.
We’re Always Going to Miss Your Ability to Kill All the Happy Vibes by Just Entering a Room
Another thing you can say to insult someone at a retirement party is by calling them out for their lack of socializing.
If they’re the type that finds it hard to engage in fun conversations, the party is the best place to make fun of them for it.
Also, this one-liner is a sarcastic remark that’ll hit hard.
- Now that Susan is leaving, we won’t have anyone interrupt us again when we start our noise
- Oh Susan, who’ll always remind us that fun time is over?
Now That Collins Is Retired, He Doesn’t Have to Worry About Wearing Pants Anymore
Do you have that employee who doesn’t appreciate wearing pants? Their retirement get-together is the perfect time to embarrass them.
This statement will work perfectly to make fun of them and get everyone laughing, as they’d perfectly understand the joke.
- Congratulations Collins, no more pants for you!
- Collins has finally defeated pants
Sam Has Now Retired from Hearing the Boss Scream at Him and Will Resume Hearing the Wife’s Shouting. What a Wonderful twist!
This is another crazy one-liner for a male retiree. Nothing beats having no boss to answer to, or hearing shouts and commands every working day as a retiree.
However, you can remind them that it’s not all that rosy with this roast. So, tell your happy retired male worker that he still has a wife to answer to.
Wow! So You Worked Hard All These Years to End Up as What, a Couch Potato?
This is another hilarious punchline you can use to tease someone at a retirement party.
It makes fun of them and reminds them that they’re going home to spend most of their days on the couch. It’s a crazy thing they wouldn’t want to think about.
- It’s so sad you’ll end up marrying your couch
- Being a couch potato isn’t all that bad, just ensure you’re a cute one
I’m Really Sorry for Your Loss Boss, You no Longer Have Anyone Call You Boss Again
Now, this is a perfect roast line for your boss. If your boss is the one retiring, you can make fun of him by reminding him that he has no one to call him boss anymore.
Moreover, sounding empathetic and describing it as a loss makes it funnier.
Now, You Can Go Break That Alarm Clock as You’ve Always Wanted
Do you know any of your colleagues who don’t like hearing the alarm? Their retirement party is the perfect time to make fun of them.
Tell them they’re now free to break the clock, as they’ve always longed for. I bet they would think about it.
Now, You’ve Got All the Time to Listen to Your Wife Whining. I Hope You Remember How to Cook too
Don’t forget to remind your male retiree that they haven’t completely escaped working.
Tell them that they’ve got their wife waiting for them to listen to all day. It’s a funny way to tease them. Moreover, asking if they can cook makes it more amusing.
- James will have to work on both his listening and cooking skills
- It’s not going to be all that easy. You now have more chores in the house
It’s Just Like Being a Baby Now; No Job, No Pressure, No Pay
This is another funny statement to make to roast a retiree at their party.
It’s a funny way of reminding them what it’s going to be like for them. Not that they don’t know, but hearing you say it is surely going to get to them.
Now, You and a Cat Have Many Things in Common, Only That It Sleeps All Day While You Sleep Night and Day
Comparing a retiree to a cat is one humorous way to roast them at their get-together.
This statement doesn’t just compare them to a cat, it makes a cat look better than them, as it doesn’t sleep as much as they’d be doing as a retiree.
- Now, you’ll become more lazy than a cat, sleeping day and night
- You should pay your cat to look after you while you do nothing but sleep all-day
Final Words
Roasting a retiree is one of the ways to make their retirement party fun and worth remembering. This article has plenty of funny lines you can use to tease them.
Feel free to always refer to them when needed.