The police are your friend. Yet don’t you feel the urge to lash out when you perceive some abnormal conduct from them?
If you sometimes feel like saying something smart to cops without breaking the law, we’ve got you.
This article covers comebacks that will hit home and make cops laugh.
Dig in.
20 Funny Comebacks for Cops
1. Sorry Mr. officer, I didn’t realize I was driving in the Fashion Police zone!
Next time the cops pull you over, give them a smile, don’t be rude. But be ready with this comeback to lighten the mood.
This comeback humorously suggests that the officer is enforcing style rather than traffic laws.
- Is there a problem, officer?
- You were speeding.
- Oh, I thought this was the runway for Fashion Police!
- Do you know why I pulled you over?
- Not sure, was I out of style?
2. Was I speeding or was that just a flash of your blue lights blinding me?
It seems like no matter how law-abiding you may be, the cops will pull you over someday. This comeback here is a clever one that attempts to evade offense.
The comeback playfully questions the accuracy of the officer’s speed detection while acknowledging the presence of their flashing lights.
- Do you know how fast you were going?
- I’m guessing not as fast as your flashy blue lights!
- Do you know why I stopped you?
- I was wondering if you were testing the flash on those lights!
3. I swear, my gas pedal and my brake pedal are like best friends, they never want to be apart!
If you’ve been over speeding, or doing something irregular with the speed dials on your car, the cops will likely stop you. If this happens, this comeback is for such a situation.
This comeback lightens the situation by blaming the car’s pedals rather than the driver.
- You were tailgating the car in front of you.
- Sorry officer, my gas pedal and brake pedal are having a disagreement!
4. I thought I was being followed by someone with a badge, but I see it’s just you.
Sometimes, let the cops believe you agree the police are our friend. In this case, you’ve done something irregular on the road and the cops are onto you.
Don’t evade, use this comeback to make them smile. This comeback jokes about the officer’s presence behind the driver, implying a playful sense of relief.
- You were driving erratically.
- I was just making sure you were paying attention, officer!
- Do you know why I pulled you over?
- I thought I was being chased by someone important, turns out it’s just you!
5. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize ‘Drive-Thru’ meant the speed limit!
This comeback comes in handy for all situations. Use the comeback on the highway and watch the face of the cop go from confused to amused.
This comeback uses a play on words, referring to fast-food drive-thru lanes to humorously explain the driver’s speed.
- Do you know how fast you were going?
- I thought ‘Drive-Thru’ meant I had to hurry!
- You were going over the speed limit.
- I was just trying to get to the drive-thru before it closed, officer!
6. I was speeding because I have a date with a pizza, and it’s getting cold!
It would warm the heart to see a cop smile at you for this excuse. Hopefully, the cop you use this comeback on isn’t having a bad day around the time he stopped you.
This comeback humorously prioritizes the urgency of food delivery over obeying traffic laws.
- You were going 20 miles over the speed limit.
- Sorry officer, but pizza waits for no one!
- Do you know why I pulled you over?
- I have a pizza date, officer, can’t keep it waiting!
7. My car is just allergic to going slow!
We would love to see a cop’s expression when someone tells him the above words. It would be beautiful to see how his face contorts in confusion before it breaks into laughter.
This comeback anthropomorphizes the car, attributing its behavior to an allergy rather than the driver’s actions.
- You were driving recklessly.
- My car has a speed allergy, officer, can’t help it!
- Do you know why I stopped you?
- My car’s allergic to snail speed, officer!
8. I was just trying to outrun the mosquitoes!
If you live in Asia, Africa or some other regions with high dosage of mosquitoes, this comeback is yours. But use it sparingly.
Make sure the cop is likely to get the joke. Or your situation might quickly get precarious.
This comeback humorously exaggerates the reason for speeding by blaming it on insects.
- Do you know how fast you were going?
- Trying to escape the mosquito air force, officer!
9. I must have mistaken the speed limit sign for a suggestion.
This hilarious comeback works even better if you can pull off an ignorant expression. That is, make the cop really believe you believe the speed limit sign is not to be taken seriously.
This comeback lightens the situation by suggesting that the driver misinterpreted the speed limit sign.
- You were driving too fast.
- I thought it was just a friendly suggestion, officer!
10. I was just practicing my NASCAR moves!
Use this funny comeback if you’ve been pulled over for going above the speed limit. If you are driving a sport car, even better. The policeman could be inclined to believe you then.
This comeback humorously compares the driver’s actions to those of professional NASCAR drivers, implying they were simply honing their skills.
- You were swerving all over the road.
- Just trying to perfect my NASCAR moves, officer!
- Do you know why I pulled you over?
- Just getting in some NASCAR practice, officer, you never know when it might come in handy!
11. I was driving so slow, I thought I was in reverse!
It would be best to say this comeback with a smile on your face. It might be best if the cop can see you’re only joking. This comeback is so hilarious it should also annoy the cops. Depending on how fast you were speeding.
This comeback humorously exaggerates the slowness of the driver’s speed, suggesting they were moving in the opposite direction.
- You were going below the speed limit.
- I was driving so slow, I almost thought I was going backward, officer!
- Do you know how slow you were driving?
- I was taking it easy, officer, almost felt like I was in reverse!
12. I was just testing the aerodynamics of my car, officer!
Try this next time a cop stops you: squint at the cop and ask him if he wants to try the car out. If he asks why he would do that, say because he’ll be breaking all the speed limits too if he tried.
There’s just no way you won’t try to break speed limits, not with the aerodynamics in this car. This comeback jests that your high speed was merely an experiment on the car’s aerodynamic capabilities.
- You were going way too fast.
- Just doing some impromptu aerodynamics testing, officer!
13. I was trying to catch up to my self-esteem, it’s been lagging behind lately!
What a comeback this one is. It’s surely going to have a cop rethinking his motivation for his job. It is at once hilarious and thought-provoking.
This comeback humorously implies that your self-esteem needs a boost, and you were speeding to catch up to it.
- You were driving recklessly.
- Just trying to catch up to my self-esteem, officer, it’s been lagging behind!
- Do you know why I pulled you over?
- My self-esteem was lagging behind, had to speed up to catch it, officer!
14. My car thinks it’s a racehorse, always eager to sprint!
You gesture at the steering wheels to say this comeback. You show a genuine surprise at the behavior of your car. You wish it would behave better with time, but for now, it’s just a wannabe racehorse.
This comeback likens the car to a racehorse, playfully attributing its fast driving tendencies to its racing spirit.
- You were speeding excessively.
- Can’t blame my car, officer, it thinks it’s a racehorse!
- Do you know how fast you were going?
- My car’s got a racehorse spirit, officer, can’t rein it in!
15. I was just trying to make up for lost time from sitting in traffic!
You should use this comeback especially if you have recently been in a traffic jam on the highway. If the cop can corroborate this, he’d probably laugh at your excuse for how much sense it makes.
This comeback humorously suggests that your speeding was an attempt to compensate for time lost while stuck in traffic.
- If the cop complains about your speed, say:
- Making up for lost time from traffic, officer!
- Trying to catch up for the lost minutes in traffic, officer!
16. My car’s GPS is set to ‘fastest route’, I just follow its lead!
Once again, blame something else entirely in this comeback. The GPS grew a mind of its own; and what’s a man supposed to do when their GPS is all messed up?
This comeback humorously shifts the blame to the car’s GPS system for choosing the fastest route, which often involves speeding.
- You were driving too fast for this area.
- Blame it on the GPS, officer, it always picks the ‘fastest route’!
- Do you know why I pulled you over?
- Just following the GPS’s orders, officer, it said ‘fastest route’!
17. I was just auditioning for a role in ‘The Fast and the Furious: Traffic Stop Edition’!
We think any cop who knows movies would believe this one before his cop-sense kicks in.
If the cop loves the movie Fast and Furious with Vin Diesel and the car stunts, he’ll probably laugh with you too. This comeback jokingly compares your speeding to a movie audition, adding a touch of humor to the situation.
- You were driving like you’re in a race.
- Auditioning for a movie role, officer, ‘The Fast and the Furious: Traffic Stop Edition’!
- Do you know how fast you were going?
- Practicing for a role, officer, ‘Fast and the Furious: Traffic Stop Edition’!
18. I was chasing after my shadow, officer, it’s been running ahead of me all day!
Say this comeback with some gusto, some expression that shows you believe your own lie. Either of two things will happen: the cop writes you a ticket really fast, or he asks if you’ve been smoking something bad.
Don’t forget to laugh at any of these questions. This comeback playfully suggests that your high speed was an attempt to catch up to their elusive shadow.
- You were going over the speed limit.
- Chasing after my shadow, officer, it’s been racing ahead all day!
- Caught speeding?
- Trying to catch up to my shadow, officer, it’s been leading the way!
19. I was just keeping up with the Kardashians, officer!
This comeback humorously suggests that your speeding was an attempt to keep pace with the famous family, referencing the TV show.
The cop is definitely going to holler in laughter after realizing what you did there.
- You were driving too fast for this area.
- Just trying to keep up with the Kardashians, officer!
- Do you know why I pulled you over?
- Keeping up with the Kardashians, officer, it’s a tough job!
20. I was running late for my procrastinator’s anonymous meeting!
This comeback humorously implies that your tardiness was due to attending a meeting for chronic procrastinators. The cop would probably sympathize with your plea. If not, simply accept your fate.
- You were speeding excessively.
- Late for my procrastinator’s anonymous meeting, officer, got to keep up the tradition!
- Do you know how fast you were going?
- Running late for my procrastinators meeting, officer, always last minute!
Final Thoughts
And there you have the funniest comebacks for cops. Cops are giving their best in the job.
They’re on the streets, in traffic trying to make our lives safer. Putting some smile on their faces with these comebacks is one way to pay them back for all they do for the society.