Step into the rib-cracking world of roasts. This time it’s about someone named noah.
From witty wordplay to clever quips, this collection is sure to bring a smile to your face as we playfully explore the comedic side of life with our friend, Noah.
Get ready for a laughter-filled journey that celebrates the joy of good-natured jests and amusing anecdotes.
Dig in.
20 Funny Roasts for Someone Named Noah
1. Why did Noah become a vet doctor?
This is a reference to the biblical Noah who according to the story built and stored up the animals, saving them from a global flood.
This roast suggests that once genes are passed down, there’s no helping it. In your friend’s case, he would always end up in the veterinary department.
- Did you hear Noah switched to veterinary school, again? I guess there’s no helping what your gene dictates.
- Is Noah visiting someone in vet school?
Nope, he teaches there now. The pets need him again.
2. What’s Noah’s favorite game?
Animal charades! For this roast, ask your audience to cast their minds back to the patriarchal Noah and the ark. Describe the scenario of an animal charade for some laughs.
Show that there’s no way your friend Noah could escape what’s handed down to him through his genes.
- Noah’s ark wasn’t just about surviving the flood; they had game nights too! His favorite was animal charades—imagine a giraffe trying to act inconspicuous!
- If you ever feel like Noah is ignoring you, he’s probably just engrossed in an intense game of animal charades with the elephants in his head.
3. Why did Noah start a gardening club?
He wanted to grow his own “ark”-tichokes! It has to be that or he wanted to improve the air in a packed ark. Use this roast when with someone named Noah who also loves pets.
The humor in this roast is found in the gardening club. The wordplay on artichokes and ark is also hilarious.
- Do you know why Noah started a gardening club?
No, why?
He thinks the constant rain means a world flood is coming. He’s training to begin civilization again, this time we’ll be vegetarians.
- You’ll never guess what Noah’s favorite vegetable is. Yep, it’s the “ark”-tichoke!
4. What would Noah say if his lion pet complained about food?
Quit lion around and be grateful—is what he said. This Noah has a gluttonous pet lion. It sleeps off after meals.
Noah would love to scare his friends with his lion but this animal is worse than Garfield the cat. Also the wordplay is on the word lion; lying around.
- Noah’s pet was complaining about his food, and he just told him, “Quit lion around and be grateful you’re not a fish!”
The reference to fish here goes back to the biblical flood. The lion made it into the ark, but fishes didn’t.
5. Why did Noah become a weatherman?
We all saw it coming. Noah was always going to be a TV weather guy since he spends most of his time searching the skies for rain.
It’s got to have something to do with the first Noah, we think. Use this roast for a weatherman named Noah.
- Why did Noah become a weatherman?
What’d you think, this generation needs its own Noah considering the issue with global warming.
This example references the melting ice caps of Antarctica which scientists say could lead to high sea levels, and floods in coastal cities.
6. Noah, what do you think the first Noah did in his free time?
It’s got to be stand-up comedy. But this present Noah doesn’t know it, even though he seem to have a flare for making people laugh.
To roast Noah, you have to ask the above question. You might add: could this be genetics then that you love comedy too?
- Noah, what do you think the first Noah did in his free time?
I don’t know. Tell me.
Noah had a second career on the ark – stand-up comedy. He figured laughter was the best way to keep everyone afloat!
- When it rained for days, Noah didn’t just build an ark; he built a stage. His comedy nights on the ark were legendary.
7. Have you ever wondered why Noah loves working at the animal shelter?
Some say kindred spirit is responsible for his affinity for pets. According to this roast, it’s because Noah is Noah. The animal shelter reminds Noah of arks. And arks in turn remind Noah of the apocalypse.
- Have you ever wondered why Noah loves working at the animal shelter?
No, why?
Because he’s afraid of the next apocalypse. He wants to keep the animals safe. Might probably build an ark if there’s time.
- Noah was all about order in the animal shelter. He even held “paw”-licy briefings to keep the animals informed.
8. What’s Noah’s favorite musical instrument?
The “ark”-ordion! You can’t make this up but it’s happening. Noah can’t help it. This roast suggests everything reminds him of his forefather named you-know-who.
Noah’s going into any concert with an accordion, even a rave concert.
- Noah had a musical side too. His favorite instrument? The “ark”-ordion. Picture elephants dancing to accordion tunes!
- What’s Noah’s favorite musical instrument?
I don’t know, tell me.
It’s the ark-ordion. It’s how Noah wants it to be pronounced.
9. How does Noah tell it’s going to be a good day?
He sends a dove out check!
But how is this so? Well, again, Noah is just being Noah. The first Noah would do this during his time in the ark, when the earth was still covered with water.
- How does Noah tell it’s going to be a good day?
He sends out a pigeon.
How?
If the dove comes back with a leaf Noah knows it’s all clear on the human front.
10. Why do we have 30 days in a month?
Because a month is enough in an ark full of animals and their shit. This roast is a reference to the flood. It rained for 40 days according to the story.
This roast suggests that we stuck to the 30 days in case another flood occured we wouldn’t need 40 days of it.
- Why do we have 30 days in a month?
Because of Noah, that’s why. That way, we are set with a 30 days flood.
11. What’s Noah’s favorite dance on the?
The “Two-by-Two Step”!
Do you get the joke here? Instead of the normal two-step, Noah favors two-by-two. This roast references how the animals went in the ark in twos.
- Noah’s dance moves are legendary, especially his signature “Two-by-Two Step.” It’s all about keeping pairs in perfect harmony!
- Watch out if you’re going to dance with Noah. He deoes the two-by-two steps.
12. How does Noah encourage teamwork at target where he works?
He organizes “ark”-tivity challenges! This roast suggests that Noah can’t just get the other Noah gene out of his system.
He’s come up with this title for his team tag: ark-tivity. And you have to say the word with him or he’ll recommend you for transfer to a branch in rural Arkansas.
- How does Noah encourage teamwork at target where he works?
Noah believes in teamwork, so he devised “ark”-tivity challenges. The race to the top bunk of the hardware line was an instant classic!
- How does Noah encourage teamwork at target where he works?
Teamwork is crucial at work. Noah’s “ark”-tivity challenges ensured that those who are slow like sloths or fast as cheetahs collaborated seamlessly. ( Do you see what we did with the animals there?)
13. Why did Noah’s cooking skills shine at the cooking competition?
He mastered the art of “ark”-culinary delights—cooking without meat, or oil, only veggies. And why is this so? Imagine the first Noah killing one of the animals he’s trying to protect and eating it.
- Why did Noah’s cooking skills shine at the cooking competition?
Forget survival rations; Noah elevated cuisine to “ark”-culinary delights. His specialty? Watermelon for hippos and sushi for dolphins!
14. How does Noah handle lost items at the post office where he works?
He organizes “ark”-tifact retrieval missions! According to this roast, it’s a huge thing for Noah whenever someone lost an item.
For him, it’s like losing an artefact. And we all know where he got that knack from, don’t we? And oh, he uses animals for this retrievals.
Next ark-tifact retrieval comes up next week, be there!
- How does Noah handle lost items at the post office where he works?
Losing things at the post is inevitable, but Noah has it covered with his “ark”-tifact retrieval missions. Monkeys excelled at finding misplaced bananas.
- How does Noah handle lost items at the post office where he works?
Noah’s organizational skills extended to lost items. “Ark”-tifact retrieval missions saved the day when a parrot’s favorite toy went missing.
15. Why did Noah install a basketball hoop in the park?
To keep the animals in “ark”-tive shape! The doves have to keep their blood flow going, don’t they? In this roast, you can begin with making reference to known parks in the area with a hoop.
And doves. The point here is, Noah’s affinity for animals makes him do dumb things.
- Why did Noah install a basketball hoop in the park?
Noah cares about animals’ fitness, so he installed a basketball hoop for some “ark”-tive exercise. The doves have impressive slam dunks!
16. How does Noah keep track of time?
With a sundial! It has to be the only thing Noah can rely on for time after a dove. Hit this roast by telling your audience the old Noah checked time by sending out his dove. Doves are not allowed where Noah works so he uses a rust colored sundial.
- How does Noah keep track of time?
Timing is everything for him, and Noah has it covered with his “ark”-curate sundial. Even during a flood, he stays punctual!
17. Why did Noah become a paleontologist?
He did because the past keeps on calling through the fossils. Since paleontology is the study of the origin of earth through fossils buried in the earth, it only makes sense that Noah would love it.
Who knows, he just might find that favorite pangolin from the flood time.
- Why did Noah become a paleontologist?
He misses his kindred spirits from the times of yore.
- Why did Noah become a paleontologist?
What better way to reconnect with his friends from the ark.
18. How did Noah become an expert at calming anxious animals at the animal shelter?
He mastered the “Noah”-maste technique! Plus, he’s had some practice through association or genetics, we might add.
Especially when you consider that the first Noah couldn’t have managed the whole 40 days of flood without learning some animal-speak.
- How did Noah become an expert at calming anxious animals at the animal shelter?
Calming anxious animals? Noah was is pro with his “Noah”-maste technique—a blend of soothing words and gentle strokes.
- How did Noah become an expert at calming anxious animals at the animal shelter?
When the shelter gets a bit too hectic, Noah’s “Noah”-maste technique kept the animals cool and collected. Talk about Zen vibes.
19. Why did Noah move out of town to the countryside?
It is just in case he might need to build an ark. Are we expecting another global flood? Maybe we should brace ourselves. Noah has got more than 2000 years of lineage behind him. You just never know.
And right there is how you roast Noah.
- Why did Noah move out of town to the countryside?
You’d have to find out if he’s new place out there is close to the woods. If it is, you have another ark project on the way.
20. How many languages does Noah speak?
Two languages: English and parseltongue. The reference in this roast is simple to understand if you’ve watched the Harry Potter movies.
In the movie Harry Potter speaks parseltongue to serpents and they understand him. To get the serpents into the ark the biblical Noah has to be the first speaker of parseltongue. Simple.
- How many languages does Noah speak?
Why, have you seen him talking to snakes?
- How many languages does Noah speak?
Noah speaks two tongues, English and the one Harry Potter speaks in the movie.
Final Thoughts
As we wrap up our laughter-packed expedition through these 20 funny roasts about Noah, we hope your spirits have been lifted and your chuckle meter hit its peak.
Whether you’re sharing these jokes with friends or simply enjoying a moment of levity, remember, a good laugh is always a great companion.