20 Funny History Teacher Roasts

Funny History Teacher Roasts

The best punchlines to roast your history teacher may not always come to you on the spot at that moment when you need it the most. 

But with this list of the funniest history teacher roasts, you can be ready for whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Whether it’s a rebuttal to your teacher’s remark, something to send the entire class into a frenzy, or simply to make fun of your history teacher, these lines will do the work once you say them.

Table of Contents

List Of 20 Funny History Teacher Roasts

1. “Seems like pyramids exist to store your outdated lecture lessons”

Let your history teacher know that their way of teaching is so out-of-date that it could be preserved in a monumental structure like the pyramids. 

It’s a light-hearted way of poking fun at the idea that your history teacher might be a bit old-fashioned or traditional in their teaching methods. 

The humour comes from the unexpected connection between the pyramids and outdated lecture notes.

2. “History is about learning from the past, but it seems you want to make us living relic of it.”

Use this cheeky line to compare your history teacher’s teaching to a living museum exhibit from that time. The humour comes from the idea that instead of just teaching history, the teacher might unintentionally act like they’re actually from the historical period they’re teaching. 

It’’s a way to have a good-natured laugh with your history teacher about the quirks of the subject they love.

  • Isn’t history about learning from the past, not time-travelingt to the past?

3. “If laughter is the best medicine, your class is a prescription for insomnia.”

Take a playful jab at your history class by comparing history class to a prescription for insomnia, implying that it’s so dull it could put people to sleep. 

It’s a clever way of saying that the class lacks excitement or interest. 

The roast comes from the unexpected contrast between the lively idea of laughter being a great thing and the suggestion that the history class might have the opposite effect – making people so bored that they can’t stay awake.

  • “Your class could cure insomnia better than any sleeping pill.”

4. “I guess you really make history come alive… by being a walking fossil.”

Compare your history teacher to a “walking fossil”, which is a playful way to call someone old, like they’re from a different time.

So, the humour here is that instead of using modern and exciting methods to make history enjoyable, your teacher is so old that they are like a living relic.

5. “Did you major in ancient history because you were around to experience it?”

Funny History Teacher Roasts

Use this classic line to tease your history teacher about being old. It means that they might have personally experienced historical events thousands of years ago.

Of course, it’s not true, but the humour comes from the exaggeration and the unexpected twist in the question. 

  • Did you significant in ancient history because you remember when it happened?”

6. “I’d have said you were there for the original events the way you teaching history seems easy for you”

Use this sarcasm to poke fun at the stereotype that history teachers are really wise and ancient.

The humour comes from the silliness of imagining your teacher as a time-traveller who saw it all. No one likes to be seen as old, so this is a good roast. 

  • “Teaching history must be a breeze for you – you practically wrote the textbooks, right?”

7. “I didn’t know they allowed teachers to bring artefacts to class. Oh wait, that’s just you.”

Compare your history teacher to a historical artefact in a playful way. It’s like you’re surprised that teachers can bring something so old and valuable into the classroom.

Then, you reveal that you’re talking about the teacher. The roast comes from the twist in realising you’re not talking about a regular artefact but your teacher.

  • “Didn’t know relics were allowed in class. Oh, it’s just you, Teach!”
  • “Artifacts in class? Oh, my bad – that’s just our history walking in!”

8. “Is your lesson plan written on a stone tablet? It sure feels like it.”

Compare your teacher’s lesson plan to something ancient, just like the historical stuff they teach about.

The roast is in comparing the lesson plan to something old, like the way people used to write important things on stone tablets in ancient times. 

It’s all in good fun, not meant to be too serious, just a funny way to suggest that maybe it’s time for some modern updates in the way history is taught.

  • “Are we sticking to ancient scrolls for lesson plans, or is there room for a digital upgrade?”

9. “Your class has convinced me that history repeats itself, especially the part where I fall asleep.”

Bring some humour into the critique of the history class. The punchline comes from saying that in your class, the part that repeats is them falling asleep. 

It suggests that the history lessons are so dull or repetitive that you can’t help but doze off regularly. 

By using this line to roast the teacher, you make a playful jab at the class being dull. 

  • “In your history class, the only thing repeating itself is my constant struggle not to fall asleep.”

10. “I bet even Columbus would have a hard time discovering any enthusiasm in your class.”

By saying Columbus would struggle to find enthusiasm, you exaggerate how dull or uninteresting the class is. It’s a humorous way of making fun of the lack of excitement in the classroom. 

Since it’s a history class, using Columbus as a reference makes it contextually relevant. It’s like saying even a famous historical figure would be bored.

  • “Even Columbus would struggle to navigate through the boredom in this class!”
  • “If Columbus attended, he’d probably sail away looking for excitement elsewhere in your history lectures!”

11. “I’m sorry but does the curriculum includes the history of boredom? Because that’s what seem to be going on here” 

Let it be known that this teacher’s class is so dull. Tease your history teacher by saying that they didn’t know the class would include studying the “history of boredom.” 

This suggests that the teacher’s class is so dull that it feels like they’re learning about boredom itself. 

It’s a way of gently presenting that the teacher could make the class more engaging or fun.

  • “Your class has turned studying history into the history of boredom for me.”

12. “If history repeats itself, I hope your teaching style doesn’t.”

People often say, “If history repeats itself,” suggesting that events happen again and again. The roast comes in when this idea is applied to a history teacher’s teaching style.

This is a roast way of suggesting that the teacher should change and improve their teaching methods rather than sticking to the same old things.

  • “If history repeats itself, I just hope your lesson plans don’t.”

13. “Looks to me like you’re a  living history museum exhibit and not a history teacher”

It’s like saying your teacher knows so much about the past that they could be mistaken for a part of history themselves. 

The roast is actually an exaggeration. So, when you use this line, it’s like giving your teacher a friendly tease about being a walking history encyclopedia.

  • Are you a history teacher or a time-traveller? You seem more like a living history exhibit!”
  • “You’re like a walking, talking museum piece, Mr./Ms. [your history teacher’s Name]!”

14.”No one in this class has ever said they found history class so riveting”

Let your history teacher know that students don’t find the subject as interesting as the teacher might think. It’s a sassy way to joke about the common idea that history class can be a bit boring. 

This roast will win support from others if nobody in your class actually finds history exciting.  

  • “History has never been more riveting…said absolutely no one in this class.”
  • “Who knew history could be this thrilling? Oh, wait, still no one in this class ever.”

15. “Did you invent the first history book? Because you seem ancient and out of touch.”

Tease your history teacher by saying they’re so old they could have been there at the beginning of history, and because of that, they might not be up-to-date with current stuff. 

It’s a light-hearted joke that plays on the stereotype of history teachers being experts in ancient things and potentially not as connected to the present. 

  • Are you the author of the first history book? Because you’ve got that ancient charm and a knack for making things feel a bit out of date.”
  • “Did you write the first history book? You’ve got that timeless wisdom, but sometimes it feels like you’re still using a quill and parchment.”

16. “I hear your favourite lesson is the one about the invention of the wheel – you were there, right?”

Exaggerate how much they love teaching about ancient stuff. The wheel is just an essential thing from way back, so it’s funny to imagine the teacher being around when it happened. 

It’s not meant to be mean, just a light and playful way to tease your teacher about their passion for history.

  • “I hear your favourite class is the one where they invented the wheel. Were you the one who took the notes that day?”
  • “The wheel lesson again? You must have been the guest speaker at the invention ceremony, right?”

17. “Your lectures remind us of when students didn’t have the internet to entertain themselves.”

Nowadays, everyone is used to the internet for entertainment; it’s a lighthearted way of saying the class is a blast from the past.

  • “Your classes are like a throwback to the pre-internet age – no Wi-Fi, just pure history.”

18. “I bet even the Sphinx would crack a smile if it had to endure your class.”

Compare your history teacher to the Sphinx, a symbol of mystery with a severe expression.

Saying that even the Sphinx would smile in your teacher’s class suggests that the class is so challenging or funny that even an ancient statue would find it amusing. 

The phrase “crack a smile” means breaking someone’s severe face and adds to the humour. 

The roast is in the clever use of history-related imagery and the idea that your teacher’s class is so unique that even a mythical creature would find it interesting.

  • “Your class is so tough, even the Sphinx would grin.”
  • “If the Sphinx sat in your class, it might crack a smile.”

19. “Do you use a quill pen to grade our papers, or have you upgraded to a feathered dinosaur?”

Throw this punchline at your teacher by mixing old and new things in a silly way. The roast comes from imagining your history teacher doing something really old-fashioned with a quill pen and then taking it to the extreme by suggesting they’ve gone even further back in time by using a dinosaur. 

It’s a playful way to tease your teacher about being really into history.

  • “Quill pens or feathered dinosaurs for grading, Professor? Curious if you’re time-traveling through essays or just taking us back to prehistoric times!”

20. “Your class is so dry, it could turn a rainforest into a desert.”

Make a joke about how boring your history class is. Saying the class could turn a rainforest into a desert is a funny way of saying it’s so dull that it could make even the most vibrant and lively thing (like a rainforest) seem dull and lifeless, like a desert.

The roast compares the extreme differences between a rainforest and a desert and uses that exaggeration to highlight how uninteresting the class is.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *