Teachers are the second closest authority figure after parents. Without them, most of us probably won’t be the best at our careers.
Hey, that doesn’t mean we can’t roast them—with respect. But, like we always say at RoastHow, a roast is a roast. Like rain and tax, we will all pay our dues at RoastHow.
This article is a special one for English teachers. Your favorite English teacher is on the spit, and the embers are red hot.
Dig in.
20 Funny Roasts For Your English Teacher
1. Why did the English teacher break up with the dictionary?
English teachers and dictionaries are a match made in heaven. Or not. In this funny roast, the play is on the relationship between dictionaries and English teachers.
There’s a tome on the desk of every teacher of the language, waiting to be consulted. The humor here is, too many words—as in a relationship—can cause a bitter separation.
- Why did the English teacher break up with his dictionary? Because it had too many words, and he needed some space!
- My English teacher said he’s taking a break from his dictionary. He claims it’s a linguistic separation.
2. How does an English teacher end a fight?
This should be a no-brainer for those initiated in the art of roasts. According to this funny roast, the English teacher ends fights, the same way he ends sentences: with a period or with some other punctuation.
Use this roast at any time with your English teacher. It would be hilarious.
- How does an English teacher end a fight? By using punctuation! They always know when it’s time for a period.
- I saw my English teacher settle an argument with perfect punctuation. It was an exclamation point!
3. What’s an English teacher’s favorite music genre?
Here the humor of this roast plays on the words pun and rock. The English teacher’s favorite music is rock. But there are different types of rock music.
There’s heavy metal. For the teacher, it is pun rock. Because he likes playing on words. You can use this roast in a fun gathering where music is the subject.
- My English teacher has a band that plays pun rock. Their latest hit is called Grammar Jam.
4. Why do English teachers make terrible baseball players?
Visualize the scenario: your English teacher is hitting. When it comes time to hit base he runs but trips.
It’s strange how this happens and when the umpires check, they find a comma sticking out of the pitch where your teacher tripped.
If properly told, this can make for a hilarious story at a cookout.
- Why do English teachers make terrible baseball players? Because they always get caught in a comma and can never make it to the next base.
- Our English teacher tried playing baseball, but he got stuck in a comma between first and second base.
5. What do you call an English teacher who can’t stop making jokes?
Well, if your English teacher is a pro at making jokes, he’s got to have a cache of puns in his repertoire. You’d have to tell this joke in a way that emphasizes the right words.
Tell this roast in a lighthearted manner, especially if the English teacher is in the audience. Also, it becomes even funnier if the English teacher did tell jokes in class.
- What do you call an English teacher who can’t stop making jokes? A pun-dit! They’re experts in wordplay.
- Our English teacher turned into a pun-dit after cracking jokes in class all day. The groans were his audience’s applause.
6. How did the English teacher react to the broken pencil?
There’s a play on the word graphite. As is the custom with roasts and jokes, you have the license to turn words on their heads. In this case graphite is whatever the roast requires it to be.
Graphite is associated with classrooms, pencils and teachers. In this case, graphite is exclamatory.
- How did the English teacher react to the broken pencil? With complete graphite!
- Our English teacher’s pencil snapped in class, and he responded, Well, that’s a complete graphite of the situation!
7. Why did the English teacher bring a tape to class?
The humor of this joke is found in the use of a measuring tape by the teacher. The roast takes a literal meaning into the word tape. You can apply some storytelling here as well.
Begin by showing how the teacher comes through the door, measuring tape in his hand. Describe the facial expressions on the face of the students. Then hit the audience with the punchline.
- Why did the English teacher bring a measuring tape to class? To take the students to a higher level of understanding, of course!
- Our English teacher surprised us today by bringing a tape to class. He said it’s time for an elevated vocabulary lesson.
8. What’s an English teacher’s favorite type of humor?
Who better to use satire than an English teacher? This is a lighthearted roast that focuses on an English teacher’s favorite humor. Satires can be solemn, and they can be humorous too.
As can be seen in the second example, there’s a play on the word pen and pencil. The humor in this roast is mostly found in the way the words are played on during delivery.
- What’s an English teacher’s favorite type of humor? Satire – it’s their way of being funny and clever simultaneously.
- I told my English teacher a joke about a pencil. He responded with a satire about pens. It was write on point!
9. Why did the English teacher bring a red pen to the comedy club?
Here’s a roast for finicky English teachers. Teachers in general have a thing for red pens. The redder the pen, the stickier the results of the correction (see what I did there?).
This is roast on the English teacher for taking his fastidiousness too far. He brings the red pen to a comedy show to correct his students’ grammar mistakes.
- Why did the English teacher bring a red pen to the comedy club? To correct the punchlines, of course!
- Our English teacher attended the comedy club with a red pen. He couldn’t resist correcting the grammar of the jokes.
10. How do English teachers stay cool in class?
If your English teacher is in the audience when you drop this one, he’s definitely going to howl with laughter. This roast is the coolest for graduation day.
All the teachers are sitting in the front rows and your English teacher is getting roasted. Help the audience see the visuals: in class, it’s hot and the teacher asked for the windows to be open to allow the prose to circulate.
- How do English teachers stay cool in class? They open all the windows for proper prose circulation.
- It was so hot in English class that our teacher declared a prose circulation and opened all the windows. We had a breeze of literary genius!
11. Why did the English teacher bring a platform ladder to class?
Another platform ladder joke is injected here. This time, we are reminded of the aim of English teachers: to help students attain the very pinnacle of literature.
But without a platform ladder, how are students supposed to get to that revered top? When delivering this joke, lay out the fundamentals properly: paint the class scenario, the students, and the student that gets up to request for the ladder.
Lastly, show the surprise on the teacher’s face when the platform ladder is requested.
- Why did the English teacher bring a platform ladder to class? To help students reach the high expectations of literature!
- When the teacher asked why I didn’t finish the reading, I said, I needed that platform ladder, the book set the bar too high!
12. What’s an English teacher’s favorite type of music?
And here comes another musical roast for your English teacher. Some love old music, but your English teacher loves period music—like period films.
There’s also a play on the word solid and rock. If you apply some skill in your delivery there’s bound to be laughs from this roast.
- What’s an English teacher’s favorite type of music? Punctuation rock – they love a good period and a solid comma!
- I asked my English teacher what type of music she likes, and she said, anything with good punctuation – it’s the key to harmony!
13. How does an English teacher apologize?
The aim of language is to be as precise as possible. This is where this roast borrows its humor from. Syntax has to be exact, and diction has to be precise.
Imagine that this is how we all speak. Well, this roast says that’s how your English teacher basically speaks when apologizing.
- How does an English teacher apologize? With a carefully crafted I’m sorry, of course!
- My English teacher bumped into me, and she said, I apologize sincerely, using proper syntax and diction.
14. Why did the English teacher always carry a red pen?
Here’s another pen joke. This time the pen does more; it corrects life’s mistakes. Begin this roast as though you have some great wisdom of our time to share.
Then hit your audience with thoughts about your English teacher’s red pen.
- Why did the English teacher always carry a red pen? It was her way of correcting life’s grammatical errors!
- My friend asked the English teacher for advice on relationships, and she handed him a red pen, saying, Start by fixing those punctuation mistakes!
15. What’s an English teacher’s favorite kind of tea?
This makes sense, doesn’t it? The English are particular about their tea. They’d usually make remarks about how a proper tea should be made.
This roast borrows from the lore of tea. We’re playing on tea for humor. A tea without typos, so to speak.
- What’s an English teacher’s favorite kind of tea? Proper tea, because everything else is just a typo!
- I offered my English teacher some herbal tea, and she replied, No, thank you. I prefer a cup of proper-tea, without any spelling errors!
16. How did the English teacher punish the ghost in the library?
This roast evokes the ghostly aura of old libraries. In fact, we’ve had a few movies base their story on the eerieness of libraries.
Come to think of it, libraries contain books. Books are graves of lives lived. You need some storytelling here to make this roast hit a home run.
- How did the English teacher punish the ghost in the library? She made it read The Canterville Ghost as penance!
- The ghost complained about the punishment, and the English teacher said, Well, it’s either that or an eternity of grammar worksheets!
17. Why did the English teacher go to jail?
One of the best puns on this list is here. The humor is in its simplicity. You don’t need much storytelling to get this roast turning and smoking on the spit. There’s wordplay on sentence, pun, and the idea of jail sentences.
- Why did the English teacher go to jail? For excessive use of pun-ishment!
- The students groaned at another pun, and one asked, Are you going to pun jail? The teacher replied, Already been – sentence structure was impeccable!
18. How did the English teacher react when her students told her a joke?
We’re back with the fussy English teacher’s need to correct grammar. Even the grammar in jokes. But isn’t that why we love our English teachers?
They won’t let us go until we get it all right. Life’s advancement depends on these lessons. The thanks the teachers get: a good, funny roast.
- How did the English teacher react when her students told her a joke? She had a good laugh, but then she corrected the punchline’s grammar!
- I told my English teacher a joke, and she laughed, saying, Good one, but the verb tense in the punchline needs adjustment!
19. What’s an English teacher’s favorite exercise?
Your guess is as good as ours: verb-a-cise. That’s the teacher’s favorite exercise. Verbs are action words. The humor is found on the wordplay on verbs.
The joke also plays on the idea of work, exercise, action. Which is what verbs are all about.
- What’s an English teacher’s favorite exercise? The verb-a-cise—working out those action words!
- The teacher said, Let’s start with some verb-a-cise: running through the pages, jumping to conclusions, and lifting heavy metaphors!
20. Why did the English teacher break up with the thesaurus?
Roasts are heavy on context. And this is what this joke is about. You need a little storytelling here.
Lay out the story by making jokes about the thesaurus and your English teacher, their relationship. Let the punchline sink in slowly. Do it with a laugh of your own.
- Why did the English teacher break up with the thesaurus? It couldn’t provide the emotional context she needed!
- The teacher said, I ended it with the thesaurus. It lacked the emotional depth I was looking for, and every conversation felt a bit too wordy!
Final Thoughts
There’s nothing much to add. I pretty much got my diarrhea of the word processor treated.
This list contains funny roast for your English teacher that you are definitely going to get a kick from. User discretion is advised when roasting your teacher, especially if your grades are down.
Or you still need to graduate. Whatever you do, make sure the English teacher laughs. Good luck to you, my friend.