Even the baseball players are complaining that many people don’t insult or roast them correctly.
If you want a roast for baseball players, one-liners like “L,” “Noob,” “Get good,” or “kb abuser” are excellent but not enough to get under their skin.
Newer roast punchlines such as “Your favorite team is the Pink Sox” and “David Ortiz isn’t the only Spanish guy you call “Big Papi” seem to be among the newer roast lines that work perfectly.
But it doesn’t end there.
Read on to learn 20 of the most effective one-liner roasts for baseball players that I’ve heard so far. I will also show you the best ways to apply each of these roasts.
List of the Best 20 Roast Lines to Say to a Baseball Player
1. Did you get into baseball just for the grab ass?
Question their dedication. By asking if they got into baseball for “grab ass,” you’re questioning their commitment to the sport.
It’s like asking if they are really here to play baseball or just for fun. It’s not meant to be taken too seriously, but it still stings a little. There are other ways to put it. Here are some examples:
- Are you here for baseball or just wasting time?
- Did you join baseball to play or just to mess around?
2. If strikeouts were currency, you’d be the wealthiest player in the league.
Tease them and assume they are known for striking out a lot. It’s funny because it’s silly to imagine strikeouts as money, and it’s a playful way to tease them about their performance.
- If every strikeout were a dollar, you’d be a millionaire!
- If strikeouts were gold coins, you’d be swimming in treasure!
3. You look like you have taken a few too many balls to the face…
Make fun of their facial look. Use the idea of the roughness of the sport to make a joke out of them. This roast means you assume they must be tricky because they’ve been hit by balls so many times!
Plus, delivering it with a smile makes it clear that you’re just having fun and not trying to be mean.
- You’ve probably had your fair share of balls to the face, huh?
- Looks like you’re no stranger to taking a few hits, especially in the front!
4. Surprised you can catch the ball with those uneven eyes.
Make fun of their physical facial features. Normally, people say someone has “eyes in the back of their head” to compliment their awareness.
But here, you’re saying his eyes are so uneven that he might not be seeing straight at all. Indeed a way to get a baseball player riled up.
- Can you even see the ball with those wonky eyes?
- How do you catch anything with eyes like that?
5. I’ve seen faster base runners in a retirement home.
Compare their performance to those in retirement homes. Retirement homes are places where older folks live, right? And we usually think of retirees as taking things slow and easy, not sprinting around like athletes.
So, when you compare the baseball player’s speed to retirees, you’re wittingly implying that they’re as slow as someone who’s just enjoying their retirement and not in a rush at all.
- You’re slower than a sloth on a Sunday stroll!
- I’ve seen turtles sprint faster than you!
6. You swing like you’re trying to kill a mosquito with a toothpick.
Tease them about their weak swing. It’s a funny way to roast a baseball player because it’s a silly image, and everyone can relate to the frustration of trying to do something significant with something small and weak.
- Your swing’s as gentle as a kitten batting at a feather.
- You swing like you’re stirring tea with a chopstick.
7. Are you sure you’re a baseball player? Because I’ve seen toddlers with better coordination.
Talk down on their skills by comparing them with those of toddlers. We’ve all seen toddlers stumble around, so it’s easy to get the joke.
And when you say it with a smile, it’s more about having fun than being mean. So, it’s a lighthearted way to poke fun at their coordination on the field, and you can expect them to feel bad about it.
- Are you sure you’re a baseball player? I’ve seen cats with better coordination!
- Do you need a GPS to find your coordination? Toddlers could give you pointers!
8. Your batting average is lower than my IQ on a bad day
There’s nothing as hurtful as when someone tells you that even when they’re not at their brightest, they are still sharper than your batting skills.
This is precisely the position where you put the baseball player by using this roast punchline.
- Your batting average is worse than my math skills on a Monday morning.
- Your batting average is lower than my dance moves after a long nap.
9. I thought only softball was played in the Special Olympics.
Use this classic line to drag them into the stereotype. The stereotype here is that softball is somehow “easier” or less competitive than baseball.
So, with this line, you’re implying that the baseball player’s skills might not measure up to those required in the Special Olympics.
It’s a subtle roast that will hit hard because it challenges the player’s ability as a baseball athlete.
- I didn’t know they had a baseball league in the Special Olympics!
- I guess they let everyone swing for the fences in the Special Olympics, huh?
10. Even the outfield grass grows faster than you run.
Tease them for being slow. Instead of just saying, “You’re slow,” you can use this punchline to compare their speed to grass growing in the outfield.
It’s funny because grass doesn’t move fast, and saying they’re slower than that adds humor.
- You move slower than a snail on the outfield grass.
- Watching you run is like watching paint dry on the outfield grass.
11. I bet you write the name of your sport on your shirt, so you can never forget how to spell it.
Call them illiterate, but do it with a squeeze. When you use this line, you’re teasing them, asking if they really need to wear their sport’s name on their shirt just to remember how to spell it.
Just because they are athletes doesn’t mean they are not sound academically. But the false assumption is what makes it a roast.
- Do you wear your sport’s name on your shirt so you don’t forget how to spell it?
- Do you need your sport’s name on your jersey to remember how to spell it?
12. It’s pretty apparent that you’re the catcher.
Catchers are vital but often less glamorous than other positions. So, by calling them a catcher, you’re implying they’re not the flashy star of the team.
So, it’s not just about their position—it’s about implying they’re not as excellent or skilled as they think they are and that they’re as easy to figure out as 2 + 2. Painful
- You’re the catcher, right?
- Are you the catcher on the team?
13. Your curveball is flatter than a pancake.
Tell them their excellent move is actually really lame and predictable. Baseball players work hard to make their curveballs tricky to hit, so saying it’s as flat as a pancake is a big insult.
It’s basically calling their best pitch boring and easy to hit, which would definitely make them feel pretty annoyed and maybe even a little embarrassed.
- Your curveball is as straight as a ruler.
- Your curveball is as still as a statue.
14. The only thing you’re hitting is the bottom of the batting order.
In baseball, where you bat in the lineup shows how good you are. The best hitters go first, and the not-so-great ones bat last.
So, by saying they’re only good enough to hit at the bottom, you’re basically calling them a weak player.
But it’s not just about skill—it’s about importance too. Batting at the bottom means you’re not seen as a big deal on the team. So, you’re also saying they’re not that important.
- You’re stuck at the back of the lineup, barely making a hit.
- You’re always at the bottom of the batting order, barely swinging.
15. You do your warm-ups in the Black Bullpen
Tell them they’re not good enough to warm up with the rest of the team on the main field.
This line hits hard because it’s basically calling them a second-rate player, implying they’re stuck in a place where they don’t belong.
It’s sure to annoy any baseball player because it questions their ability and puts them down in front of their teammates.
- Looks like you’re still stuck in the warm-up bullpen, huh?
- Welcome to the Black Bull-pen, where dreams go to stretch and never quite make it to the field.
16. I’ve seen better plays in a T-ball game.
Tell them they’re not much better than little kids just starting. You’re literally attacking their expertise and experience, making them feel like they’re not as great as they think.
So, be prepared to watch them squirm a bit because nobody likes feeling like they’re not the best, especially when they take their game seriously.
- You play like a little leaguer out there.
- Even my grandma could make better plays than you.
17. A “switch-hitter” who “plays for both teams”
So, in baseball, a “switch-hitter” is someone who can bat from both the left and right sides of the plate, which is pretty cool.
But when you say they “play for both teams,” you’re roasting them for being indecisive or not sticking to one side.
It’s a joke that suggests they’re not just flexible on the field but also in their personal life, implying they swing both ways romantically.
- Hey, Mr. Versatile! You’re a switch-hitter on and off the field, huh?
- Look at you, playing both sides of the game! Switch-hitter in baseball and life, am I right?
18. Second and third base aren’t the only bags you slide face-first into
Attach their love life with wordplay from baseball sport. You’re saying they’re not just good at running to second and third base on the field but also at getting romantically involved with people.
This is the kind of roast that gets under their skin because it suggests they’re not just being judged on their baseball skills but also their personal life.
- Looks like you’re not just a pro on the field; you’re sliding into more than just bases, huh?
- Hey, watch out! You’re not only diving into second and third base; it seems like you’re diving into relationships, too!
19. The only thing you’re stealing is the fans’ hopes of a win.
Instead of just roasting them about their skills, tell them they are not just stealing bases but also stealing the fans’ hopes of winning.
It’s a clever insult that makes them feel like they’re not just failing themselves but also letting down all the people rooting for them. And that’s a tough pill to swallow for any athlete who takes pride in their game.
- You’re not just striking out; you’re striking out the fans’ hopes.
- You’re not just dropping the ball; you’re dropping the fans’ dreams of winning.
20. It Doesn’t take an umpire to tell that you’re “out.”
Tell them they play so poorly that anyone could see they’re out, even without an umpire’s call. In baseball, referees have the final say.
By suggesting they’re out without the umpire’s judgment, you’re basically saying they’re not even worth the umpire’s time.
- Even a blindfolded fan could see you’re out!
- There’s no need for an umpire; you’re definitely out!