If you have a football player you want to roast, it can be a little tricky coming up with the perfect Punchline that will genuinely make them riled up.
This is because people in this kind of sport have been insulted by so many things, such that what you say to them may not be new.
But after more profound research and actually testing these lines on football players to get their reaction, I’ve gathered 20 of the best lines so far.
List of the Best 20 Roast Lines You Can Say to a Football Player
Your intent may not necessarily be to insult them.
Maybe, in the spirit of sportsmanship, you simply want to make a joke about them and their sport to make them and everyone laugh.
That’s where these roast lines come in.
1. Wearing a jersey doesn’t make chasing balls and tackling boys football.
Use this dirty line to give them a skill diss. Saying “tackling boys” hints they’re not tackling.
It’s a roaat at their skills and ego, which can really tick them off because no one likes to be called gay when they are not.
- Putting on a jersey doesn’t turn playground fun into real football.
- Wearing a jersey isn’t a magic trick for making you a football star.
2. You probably ride more Bench than women of Cincinnati in the early 70s.
Mentioning women and their role in sports history might make them feel insecure about their abilities and masculinity.
It would imply that they spend so much time sitting on the sidelines that they’re like those women who didn’t get to play much back in the 70s.
- You sit on the bench more than you play, like a statue.
- You’re a bench warmer, not a player – like a spare tire on a car.
3. Your coach really should have told you to wear a helmet.
Abuse their facial feature. Tell them their coach failed to teach them properly, which would imply that their gave have been disfigured because they play poorly.
Use this line to remind or assume that they are not playing smart and that even their coach should have known better.
This roast will get them riled up because it suggests they’re not taking the game seriously and that their coach didn’t do a good job guiding them.
- Dude, where’s your helmet? Safety first, man!
- Hey, heads up! Literally, put on a helmet next time, okay?
4. Even through a football helmet, you were able to drive your nose straight up the tight end and break it.
Imply that they have a big nose. Not everyone will find it comfortable when you begin to pick out details of their appearance and make a joke out of it.
This one will really slap on their face since it directly relates to the inconveniences of playing football.
And, if the person indeed has a big nose, this line is because of the total burn you’ve been looking for.
You can even put it this way:
- Your nose could plow through a football helmet and still sack the tight end.
- Even with a helmet on, your nose could flatten a tight end like it’s nothing.
5. I’m pretty sure you are a quarterback because you look like an experienced ball-handler.
Add a bit of cheekiness by hinting at another meaning of “ball handler,” which could be taken as a naughty, dirty joke.
This can make them feel embarrassed and annoyed because it pokes fun at their athleticism and appearance all at once.
By saying they look like a quarterback because they’re good at handling balls, it implies they’re more about the image than actual skill.
- Are you sure you’re a quarterback, or do you just have a look? Because handling balls seems to be your strong suit.
- You’ve got that quarterback vibe, but can you actually play, or is it all about the image? Handling balls is one thing, but scoring touchdowns is another.
6. I think you mean to say you’re only in college because you’re a football player.
Flip the stereotype, especially if they are college football player. Instead of assuming football players aren’t smart, you suggest they’re only in college for football.
Implying they’re only in college for sports makes them question their worth beyond the field.
Deep down, they might worry if there’s truth to what you’re saying, making it more than just a joke. So, when you say this, get ready for a reaction.
- Hey, are you here for touchdowns or textbooks?
- So, football scholarship or academic ambition – which one’s your real game?
7. You look like a player who hasn’t been “unlocked” yet in a video game.
Tell them they’re not good enough to be considered a top player. This would definitely irritate them because athletes take their skills and reputation very seriously.
Plus, comparing them to a video game character suggests their hard work isn’t as impressive as it really is.
So, it’s a sneaky way to make them feel like they’re not as essential or skilled as they think they are as a football player.
- You seem like a football player who’s still on the bench in the game of life.
- You look more like a practice squad member than a star player on the field.
8. Get that headband off and show your receding hairline, LeBron
Even though it’s just a random football player, they might still be sensitive about their appearance.
Imagine if they’re trying to hide a receding hairline with that headband.
By calling it out, you’re hitting a sensitive spot. Even if their hairline is perfect, this roast line will still slap.
And in the heat of the game, emotions are running high. So, even if it’s just a lighthearted jab, it can still get under their skin, especially if they’re already feeling the pressure to perform.
- Hey, take off the headband, and let’s see that hairline!
- Headband off, show us what you’re hiding up there!
9. I thought America was done with the Wayans family
The Wayans family used to be everywhere in comedy, but they’re not as big now.
So, when you bring them up, it’s a sneaky way to hint that maybe the player’s best days are behind them without directly dissing their skills.
And trust me, being on top is everything; suggesting someone’s past their prime really gets under their skin.
- I thought you were yesterday’s news, just like the Wayans.
- I thought you were yesterday’s flavor, like the Wayans family.
10. You’d probably shave 0.2 off your 40-yard dash time if you took the fvcking rocks out of your ears.
Say the player could run faster if they removed the rocks from their ears. In this roast, you’re using strong language because by mentioning the 40-yard dash, it targets their speed, which is crucial in football.
I like this roast because it’s funny, direct, and likely to bother any serious football player.
- Hey, if you ditch those rocks in your ears, you might just shave some time off your run!
- You know, taking those rocks out of your ears might actually help you beat your record!
11. Don’t worry; even bench warmers get a ring
Deep down, the player knows they want to be out there on the field, making a difference and earning that ring with their sweat and effort.
So, a roast line like this will get them upset because it feels like you’re mocking their skills and dreams all at once.
So, expect some frustration if you use this line.
- Hey, don’t sweat it if you’re just chilling on the bench; you’ll still get a shiny ring!
- No worries if you’re keeping the bench warm; you’ll still end up with a championship bling
12. You have no talent except for bending over and handling balls with large groups
With this dirty line, you’re implying they’re good at two things: they have no talent (submissive or weak) and handle balls with large groups (suggesting they’re promiscuous or lack individuality).
This roast not only questions their skills on the field but also hints at something personal related to their masculinity.
- You’re only good at running around with a bunch of guys and bending over for the ball.
- All you know is how to chase balls with a group and bend over when needed
13. 99.9% you will work in McDonalds; 0.01% you will get shot before doing anything worthwhile in life
Put down their hopes for a successful future in football. Tell them the chances of a football player having a successful career outside of the game are extremely low.
By mentioning working at McDonald’s, it means they’ll end up in a regular job instead of something cool or important.
- You’re more likely to serve fries at McDonald’s than score goals on the field.
- You’ve got a better chance of getting shot than making it big after football.
14. Have you ever connected the dots on your face to see if it spells out something better for you to do in life?
Suggest to them that football isn’t their calling. Many of the football player’s insults are always on performance, but in this case, you’re hitting them with something that will leave the person scratching his head, wondering if he’s wasting his time on the field.
It’s a insulting way to make him doubt himself, and it’ll definitely leave him feeling rattled long after the game is over.
- Have you ever thought about doing something more innovative than playing football?
- Do you ever wonder if there’s more to life than just running around on the field?
15. Fluffer isn’t an actual football position.
Imoly their in the team for entertainment purpose. “Fluffer” is a term from adult films, meaning someone who helps actors perform.
So, it’s like they’re saying you’re not tough, just a team member with whom other actual players have pleasure in the dressing room.
It’s bound to get under their skin and make them want to prove you wrong.
- Hey, buddy, there’s no such thing as a ‘Fluffer’ on the field, in case you were wondering!”
- So that you know, ‘Fluffer’ isn’t listed in the playbook – maybe recheck your position!
16. I bet you only want to play for the Packers
Nobody likes being told they’re only good for one thing.
This roast suggests they’re not versatile or ambitious enough to play for any other team. By mentioning the Packers, you’re indirectly saying they’re not good enough for the big leagues, which hurts their ego.
- You’re probably just dreaming of playing for the Packers!
- I bet you only care about getting drafted by the Packers!
17. Are you playing football or trying out for the world’s slowest jogger?
Football is all about being fast and powerful, but when you say they’re moving like they’re jogging slowly, it means they’re not playing the game properly.
So, with a line like this, expect them to feel a bit annoyed or embarrassed because you’re calling out their lack of speed and intensity on the field.
- Are you playing football or taking a stroll?
- Is this football or a race with turtles?
18. I didn’t know they let scarecrows join the team.
Compare them as stiff as a scarecrow in a field! By comparing them to a scarecrow, you’re basically saying they’re not very good at moving around.
It’s a playful insult that drags athletic abilities and their ego.
So, it’s a cheeky way to tease them and maybe even get under their skin a bit.
- I didn’t realize they let statues on the team.
- I thought only trees were allowed to play football
19. The only time you’re ahead of the game is when it’s time to hit the showers.
Point out their lack of skill by jokingly saying that they’re only helpful for keeping clean.
It’s a funny way to tease them about their performance on the field.
- You’re only in the lead when it’s time for a scrub.
- Your shining moment is when it’s time to rinse off.
20. Maybe try out for a new sport, like competitive napping.
Football is all about intense competition, but suggesting “competitive napping” is just silly.
- Maybe you should try a less active sport, like resting.
- Have you ever thought about trying a calmer sport? Like lounging?
Remember, a roast line is as good as you deliver it. You have to get your facial expression and tone checked while telling them some of these lines so that they sink in perfectly.
If any of the roasts for football players have given you inspiration for other punchlines, feel free to share in the comments.