Roasting someone based on their physical characteristics, such as hair color can be hurtful and offensive. However, if you are looking for light-hearted, non-offensive jokes to humor people with blonde hair, you will find them in this article.
In this article, I have compiled a long list of harmless jokes, and puns (wordplay) to tease your sister, friend, or anyone you know who is a blonde.
These insults are light-hearted and playful without being offensive towards the person the jokes are being thrown at. Keep reading!
20 Hilarious Roasts for Someone with Blonde Hair
There are various ways to roast someone with blonde hair and I will be providing you with the lists of ultimate insults, savage comebacks, and one-liner responses that you can use to roast someone with blonde hair.
- Wonder why blondes don’t like making snowmen? Because you can’t figure out where to find ‘blonde’ snow
- Heard you came along with a ladder to the bar because the barman told you the drinks were on the house
- They need someone to work on the gingerbread house. You can apply for a job there
- Shock me, say something intelligent
- You look like a golden retriever
- I don’t need a comedian to lighten my mood. I have one already
- I don’t need to stare at the orange juice bottle for two hours because it says “concentrate”
- I understand you wear so much hairspray so you can catch all the things that go over your head
- You and cow shit have something in common; the older you get, the easier you are to pick up
- Confused? Sorry, you were born that way
- Yes! You are going to have more fun but will you remember it the next day?
- Hide and seek? Goodluck hiding when your hair is brighter than the sun
- I’m out of data, you can now keep me entertained
- You don’t need a flashlight in the dark. You have got your hair to guide the way
- You don’t use keys? Oh yeah! You can’t seem to find the right lock
- Have you learned how to make ice cubes? Never mind you seem to forget the recipes always
- Little one, I can always keep you busy by writing “flip over
“ on both sides of a paper - I saw you tip-toeing past the medicine cabinet, guess you didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
- Lost in thought? You will need a tour guide to navigate your way
- Lifesavers? You will make a bad one because you can’t help but dive into the deep end of the pool… of jokes!
1. Wonder why blondes don’t like making snowmen? Because you can’t figure out where to find ‘blonde’ snow
There is a stereotype that blondes are not as intelligent, even when it comes to simple tasks. You can use this wordplay to roast someone who is a blonde, especially in a scenario where you want to tell that person he or she is dumb but you don’t want to say it outrightly.
Here are some instances of how you can roast a blonde with this expression:
For instance, a blonde is trying to prove he knows more than you, you put him in check by saying this:
- Wonder why blondes don’t like making snowmen? Because you can’t figure out where to find ‘blonde ‘snow.
I bet such a person would be too dumbfounded to talk back because you have finally left such speechless. This expression has a great comeback effect.
2. Heard you came along with a ladder to the bar because the barman told you the drinks were on the house
“Heard you came along with a ladder to the bar because the barman told you the drinks were on the house” is another way to roast a blonde, especially in a word banter with such a person.
It denotes that the person has a lower IQ and can’t comprehend witty statements and thereby their stupidity is unquantifiable.
I can imagine a huge silence that will overpower the atmosphere if you make use of this expression.
Here is a perfect example:
- I can’t afford to waste my energy on you, your IQ is so low that you thought the barman asked you to bring a ladder to the bar when he told you drinks were in the
- I doubt if you get the message yet. Since it seems you are on the move to climb the house to get your drinks
3. They need someone to work on the gingerbread house. You can apply for a job there
Another way to get at someone in blond is to use this classic one-liner with them, “They need someone to work on the gingerbread house. You can apply for a job there”.
Not only are you making fun of the colour of their hair but you are also trying to tell a blonde that he or she isn’t sharpest when it comes to understanding the complex job descriptions.
Here is an instance where you can make use of this description:
For instance, if your not-too-smart colleague at your workplace makes a stupid mistake, you can roast him by saying:
- They need someone to work on the gingerbread house. You can apply for a job there.
By this, you are implying that he isn’t capable of the job demands here and he should try out something less cognitive.
4. Shock me, say something intelligent
You can put a disrespectful blonde in place with this savage one-liner; Shock me, say something intelligent. This is another way to completely roast a blonde in a light-hearted manner.
Below are some examples:
- Sorry, I thought you had something intelligent to say
- My bad for thinking being blonde is being wise.
5. You look like a golden retriever
If you have an annoying little sister who is brainy yet rude, you can roast her by using this expression; “you look like a golden retriever.”
By this, you are trying to indirectly tell her that with her good brains and blonde hair, she looks like a species of dog, a golden retriever.
- Good brains? Yes, thanks for the reminder. You remind me of a golden retriever with your brains
- A golden retriever sure does look prettier than you.
6. I don’t need a comedian to lighten my mood. I have one already
If you want to roast a blonde with the way he or she looks funny and acts silly, “I don’t need a comedian to lighten my mood. I have one already that will make people roll in laughter.
This will hit the target perfectly because trust me no one loves to be called a clown except it is a profession.
Here are some examples:
- You don’t need to crack any jokes, I only need to look at your hair and looks.
- Your head looks like a square pan
7. I don’t need to stare at the orange juice bottle for two hours because it says “concentrate”
“I don’t need to stare at the orange juice bottle for two hours because it said ‘concentrate’ is another savage one-liner to say to someone with blonde hair.
This one-liner pin-points silly and dumbest habits such a person is known to do.
Here are some examples of the usage:
- You are the type of person to squeeze your wet cloth while in a pool
- You are the type of person to bring a ladder to the salon because you want the “high style”.
8. I understand you wear so much hairspray so you can catch all the things that go over your head
If a female blonde is trying to brag about her sophistication, use some of what she calls being sophisticated or glam to plan a comeback attack for her with this one-liner.
With this, one-liner you are implying that she adds so much hairspray not just for styling her hair but to catch witty statements easily because she doesn’t have the IQ for such.
This light-hearted way of teasing someone for not catching onto things easily suggests there is so high and solid due to the hairspray that it can catch things that go over their head, both literally and metaphorically.
- Your fashion sense is as pointless as a round pizza in a square box
- You are more useless than a blade is to a tree cutter
9. You and cow shit have something in common; the older you get, the easier you are to pick up
Step up your savage game with these unique lines that leave such a person roasted or even burnt completely. “You and cow shit have something in common; the older you get, the easier you are to pick up” is a creative way to tell someone with blonde hair that they lack sense or reasoning.
You can use it to playfully tell such individuals that they lack sense.
Here are some examples;
- Your age and your level of intelligence are conversed; the older you get, the more your intelligence diminishes.
- At four years of age, I thought it was being childish. At forty, what excuse do I have for your stupidity? Feigns pity demeanor
10. Confused? Sorry, you were born that way
Roast someone with blonde hair using this one-liner “Confused? Sorry, you were born that way”.
It is a very smart way to make fun of their level of comprehension, and it’s appropriate to use especially when they are clueless about the core things being discussed or what is going on at the moment.
Here are some examples:
- Lost in the riddle of words? You need a blonde navigator to get out
- You should consider “clueless” as an appellation. You have your whole life to be clueless.
11. Yes! You are going to have more fun but will you remember it the next day?
Do you want to playfully poke someone with blonde hair who forgets things a lot? Then “Yes! You are going to have more fun but will you remember it the next day?” is a suitable insult to use.
I almost felt bad slipping such top secrets but then I remembered you wouldn’t recollect I was here at all.
Formatting or clearing data? You should consider one of the options for your 2 GB brain capacity.
12. Hide and seek? Goodluck hiding when your hair is brighter than the sun
“Hide and seek? Good luck hiding when your hair is brighter than the sun” is another classic one-liner to make fun of the absurdness and brightness of someone with blonde hair.
You can playfully say it to spite your blonde friend and to also tease him of his visibility if he says he wishes to join in a game of hide and seek.
It is a playful way to tease your friends when they make their suggestions and expect you to take them seriously.
13. I’m out of data, you can now keep me entertained
Another witty line to roast someone with a blonde who is also very annoying is to use this “I’m out of data, you can now keep me entertained” classic comeback to get back at such a person.
It is suitable when you are busy and the person is trying to make you lose focus.
Here are some instances:
- Your absence brings me so much happiness
- You can now keep me entertained now, like you, I‘m now idle. The only difference is that yours is for a lifetime
14. I don’t need a flashlight in the dark. You have got your hair to guide the way
“You don’t need a flashlight in the dark. You have got your hair to guide the way” is a sleek savage to give when you are in banter with someone who has blonde hair.
The extreme use of exaggeration geared towards such a person will only attract nothing but silence which equals defeat.
15. You don’t use keys? Oh yeah! You can’t seem to find the right lock
Need another witty one-liner to save the day perhaps you are in a roasting competition with someone that has blonde hair.
Try this; “you don’t use keys? Oh yeah! You can’t seem to find the right lock”, and watch some person get red in the face.
However, ensure the person is cool with the tease so you don’t offend them.
16. Have you learned how to make ice cubes? Never mind you seem to forget the recipes always
“Have you learned how to make ice cubes? Never mind you seem to forget the recipes always” is a smooth way to tease someone with blonde hair as it would take a couple of moments for them to realize that you don’t seek an answer from them, rather you are implying they are not smart.
When using this statement be sure you are wearing a smile on your face to make it a light-hearted joke.
17. Little one, I can always keep you busy by writing “flip over “on both sides of a paper”
Use this one-liner to let your counterpart know you are the boss in this game of savagery.
When you want to effectively do that, ensure you focus on the dumbest thing you know of them doing and use it as an instant comeback for them.
Here are some examples;
- You wouldn’t use the elevator because you are so scared of hanging
- The joystick is wet. I don’t need to be told a blonde just made use of it
18. I saw you tip-toeing past the medicine cabinet, guess you didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
“I saw you tip-toeing past the medicine cabinet, guess you didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.” is another thing you can say to roast someone with blonde hair. This statement implies they are senseless beyond doubt.
You can always use it in a roast battle to playfully tell them they lack sense or reasoning.
19. Lost in thought? You will need a tour guide to navigate your way
“Lost in thought? You will need a tour guide to navigate your way” is another humorous way to tease someone with blonde hair for their foolishness.
It’s suitable to use in an instance where they process what you tell them slowly and even comprehend more slowly.
20. Lifesavers? You will make a bad one because you can’t help but dive into the deep end of the pool… of jokes!
Roast someone with blonde hair finally with this finisher “Lifesavers? You will make a bad one because you can’t help but dive into the deep end of the pool… of jokes!” Trust me, this is an iconic one and will strike intensely.
Summary
Roasting someone with blonde hair can be one of the most sensitive things to do so ensure when roasting them, they are consented and super cool with it.
Moreover, don’t forget to always keep it lighthearted and playful when doing so. The article above is a good guide to start with.