Do you wish to get at your short-haired friend in a lighthearted, funny roast? This article is for you. Here we have curated the best jokes for a roast.
They are easy to remember and retell. They come with clever puns and play on ideas and words. They can be used at shindigs, from clambakes to cocktail parties.
They are lighthearted, funny, and harmless, so as to keep things humane.
Now, let’s dig in.
Here are 20 Hilarious Roasts for Someone With Short Hair
1. A short haired keeps it moving smoothly
This roast borrows its foundation from the idea that a short haired person is less likely to “split hairs” over technicalities—because where’s the hair to split, our friend is bald. Funny, right? That’s the idea.
You want to make your audience go, wow, when the punchline hits. And that’s the beauty of a good roast:
- My wife’s short hair makes it easy to get along with her because she keeps it moving, no hair splitting.
2. No bad hair day for Jules
While the whole crew was having a bad day, short haired Jules was smiling in her corner, and we all know why. You get the drift, right? Jules is short haired. This is a play on the saying about having a bad hair day.
This isn’t an issue for a short haired person apparently.
- Bad hair day? Count short haired Jules out.
3. No hair to let down
English speakers would often ask you to let your hair down when they want you to relax. Conversely, the hair is said to be standing on end when someone is scared.
And here is where this roast finds its basis. If a long-haired Jules walks into the room along with long-haired ladies, she’s the only one who doesn’t have to relax.
- Why can’t Jules relax? She is bald, she’s got no hair to let down.
4. Short hair enjoys the beach
You’re going to love this: the short-haired Jules is the only one enjoying her time at the beach because of her short hair.
Every other girl battles the waves, the water, and her hair. So you might find an otherwise cranky Jill looking fabulous at the beach. It’s her shorthair.
- Her short hair makes sure there are no tangles after a swim.
- Have you seen the cranky girl having a good time at the beach? Any idea why? Her short hair, I guess.
5. Short hair is great for front seats.
Have you ever gotten a whiplash from a very long-haired lady in the front seat before? With a short haired woman, that’s not likely to happen. Take your funny roast from this idea.
So, if you ever notice your short-haired friend choosing the front seat of the car, there might be some conspiracy in there somewhere.
- Why did the short-haired person enjoy windy days? Because they didn’t have to worry about hair whipping into their face!
- I want Jules in the front seat. She’s got short hair and no whiplash.
6. Short hair and time
This roast is for short haired spouses. Husbands get in here. Every man knows about waiting for the wifey to get away from the mirror in time for church, a party, or some other social function.
It’s worse if the wifey has long luxuriant hair that needs putting in place. If it’s a short haired wife?
- We are on time. Thanks to my wife’s short hair!
- My wife is always on time. Because her hair is short.
7. Short hair, great camping advantage.
This roast is a potentially explosive one in a camping situation. While camping folks often can’t do much of what they do in their homes. Your bags contain only the essentials.
For women, they leave the bulk of their beauty packs at home. And if you have short hair, even better for you. And here’s where the funny roast comes from.
- Why did the short-haired person enjoy camping? Because they didn’t need to worry about keeping their hair clean in the wilderness!
8. Short hair folks and roller coasters, a match made in heaven.
Roast your short haired friend as you prepare to ride a roller coaster together. Set it up by making them chose between the roller coaster and some other game in the park.
Then when they’ve chosen the roller coaster, you can come in with your roast, thus:
- Why did the short-haired person prefer roller coasters? Because they didn’t have to worry about their hairdo after the ride!
- Short hair Maggie and roller coasters, a match made in heaven.
9. Your hair’s too short to get in.
This roast is great for siblings. It’s based on the saying, “Get in someone’s hair.” Siblings annoy each other for sport. It can be interesting to watch and listen to how the siblings roast each other.
If you have a sibling with short hair, this funny roast comes in when he complains you are getting in his hair. In reference to his short hair, simply say, “You have no hair I can get into!”
- I can’t get in my sister’s hair. She has none.
- I can’t even get in my sister’s hair. You’ll spot me from miles away.
10. Short hairs are DIY accessories
This funny roast can be used anywhere and anytime. In school, in class, just about anywhere. There’s sure to be some laughs from this one when you refer to someone’s short hair as a DIY project.
It’s even better if the person is sitting close to someone with long hair—long hair is factory processed, short hair is short because it’s DIY, made from materials from IKEA.
- Why’s Jules hair so short? It’s from IKEA.
- Jules hair is short because it is DIY.
11. You beat me by Judy’s hair’s breadth.
You’ve heard the saying, “By a hair’s breadth.” So instead of saying, “You beat me by hair’s breadth,”say, “You beat me by Judy’s hair’s breadth.”
Do you get the joke here? Judy’s hair is so short it’s all the shortest any hair can get. Of course, this is a joke and Judy’s hair may not be this short.
- Kelly beat me in that game by Judy’s hair’s breadth.
12. Short hair and math excellence.
This roast rests on exaggerating the advantages of having short hair. If delivered well, you can expect a lot of laughs. Just make sure certain elements of the joke is true: that the short-haired person is a star in math class, and that he or she just got the best grades.
Also, make sure the roast happens in the presence of members of the class. In some ways, this roast throws strays at long-haired members of the class too.
It’s what makes it even funnier.
- Why did Jules ace the math test? She wasn’t dealing with her hair all the time.
- She does well in math because they didn’t have to spend time brushing their hair before the exams!
13. Short hair and summer.
This roast is for the change of season. It’s also an exaggeration of the effects of cold winter on us all.
Somehow those with long hair are able to keep warmer around their necks during winter. In summer, long hair sticks to the neck. And that’s when people with short hair enjoy the advantage.
- Why do short haired people prefer summer days? Because they don’t have to deal with hair sticking to their necks.
- Why do short haired people hate winter? Their neck is exposed.
14. Short hairs need measuring.
This roast survives on exaggeration. It claims that a short haired person carries a ruler around to measure their hair, in desperation for long hair.
It doesn’t matter if the person is not carrying a real ruler in this roast. It can be an innocent fork, or their phone in their hand. For this roast, anything passes for a measuring instrument.
- What’s that in Jules hand? A ruler to measure her hair.
- Is that a kebab stick or a tape? Is it for measuring your short hair?
15. Short hair and the wig industry.
Here’s the team’s favorite roast. It is based on the exaggeration that people with short hair are contributing to the wig industry.
The community of women all over the world actually should be thankful to short haired people for this. If your long haired friend just cut her hair and you want to roast her:
- Where’s Jules’ hair gone? A factory in China that produces wigs.
16. Restaurant kitchens prefer short haired people.
According to this roast, restaurants don’t hire long haired people because of hygiene. Short haired people are in luck then. You can roast your short haired friend by saying, “Jules works in restaurant now.”
And after the applause and congratulations, add, “Oh, the HR there didn’t have a choice. They needed a shorthaired person.”
- Why did the short-haired person become a chef? Because they didn’t want any hair interfering with their cooking!
- Jules works at a restaurant now. They needed a short haired person.
17. Short haired Jules is good. She doesn’t scare easily.
You’ve heard of the saying about when something makes ones hair curl. It means something scared you.
This funny roast suggests that a short haired person doesn’t have enough hair to curl to begin with.
So, if you and short haired person watch a scary movie, be rest assured that they are good.
- That horror story has all our hairs curled. Except Jules. She has short hair.
- Everyone’s hair was curled by the new movie. Everyone except Jules who’s got short hair, by the way.
18. The short haired girl is an extra dude.
This roast draws inspiration from the fact that women generally—and usually—have longer hair than men.
So, if you have a short-haired, annoying girl in your group, this is her funny roast. If you’re are at the bar and everyone’s ordering beer and Jules orders something less alcoholic because she’s a girl, cause an uproar with this roast:
- No, Jules, you’re having a beer. You’re a dude just like us, with that short hair of yours.
- They’re counting the dudes and short-haired Jules is omitted: No, count her in. She’s one of the guys.
19. Short haired girl is never scared in a hairy situation.
You’ve heard the saying about being in a hairy situation, that is, a scary one. The roast here is that short-haired people are hardly ever scared in this kind of situation, for obvious reasons.
The best way to use this roast is in a really scary situation where everyone is scampering, including the short haired person.
- Jules, this is a hairy situation. But that doesn’t apply to you. You’ve got short hair.
- Jules is never scared in a hairy situation. She’s got short hair.
20. Short haired people are bad for the wig industry.
This is a manipulation of roast number 15. It suggests that the more short haired people we have, the worse for wig manufacturers.
Use this roast for someone whose short hair is a natural thing for them. No matter what they do, their hair never seems to grow longer.
- There’s a slump in the wig industry. No thanks to short haired people.
2 Best Places to Roast Someone With Short Hair
Roasts have the best effects when the circumstance is appropriate. For your your roast to be funny, make sure it’s done in the following situations:
1. Parties
Parties bring people of like minds together. At parties, there’s drinks, food and people aren’t expected to take roasts seriously. Make sure your roast subject is expecting it too by either telling them before hand, or simply slip into the routine slowly.
2. At Home
The home provides a safe haven. Families feel safe here. Even friends or relatives who are visiting feel safer and at ease. Make sure the atmosphere is not tense when you begin your roast. Begin with a funny routine to put the person at ease.
Final Thoughts
Roasts can be fun. They can be used to calm a tense situation. Before doing roasts, make sure that you’re open for one. Just in case the other person takes you up the challenge.