Welcome to a laughter-filled journey where we navigate the humorous terrain of friendship’s quirks and quirks alone.
In this collection, we’ve curated 40 uproarious roasts tailored for those fake friends who may need a gentle nudge or a hearty laugh.
So, buckle up for a comedic expedition through the realm of faux camaraderie, because sometimes, the best way to deal with insincerity is with a good old-fashioned chuckle.
Dig in.
40 savage roasts for fake friends to expose them
1. Why did the fake friend come into the bar with a ladder?
He did because he heard the drinks were on the house, but needed a boost to reach them. And because he’s greedy.
- I saw my greedy fake friend at the bar with a ladder. I guess they’re trying to climb up the social ladder, literally.
- Asked my fake friend why they had a ladder at the pub. They said they were just raising the bar. Bar of greed.
2. How do fake friends greet each other?
They exchange air kisses, just like their promises. Reminds you of the biblical Judas.
- Met my fake friend today. We exchanged air kisses, just like the ones they give to their commitments.
- Greeted my fake friend with air kisses. Figured it was appropriate since their loyalty is up in the air.
3. Why did the fake friend become an astronaut?
To explore space, the final frontier of sincerity. Hopefully, he’ll find something.
- Found out my fake friend became an astronaut. I guess space is the only place vast enough for her lies.
- Asked my fake friend about his new career as an astronaut. He said he’s just ‘orbiting’ around the truth.
4. What did the fake friend say when asked for advice?
He said: fake it till you make it.
What a douche.
- Asked my fake friend for advice. She said: Just fake it till you make it. Classic.
- Wondering why my fake friend is giving life advice. Oh right, it’s fake it till you make it.
5. Why did the fake friend open a bakery?
He wanted to specialize in selling turnovers. Hopefully, he’ll turnover someday. But at this pace, we doubt it.
- Heard my fake friend opened a bakery. Must be because they’re an expert at turning relationships around. Like loafs in the oven.
- Visited the fake friend’s bakery. They said: We excel in selling turnovers, both in business and friendships.
6. How does a fake friend answer the phone?
Good to hear from me!
The selfishness is appalling.
- Phone rang, and my fake friend answered with: ‘Good to hear from me!’ Well, at least they’re honest about their priorities.
7. Why did the fake friend start a gardening club?
Because they’re experts at planting seeds of doubt. Better keep them off the soil of your heart.
- Joined my fake friend’s gardening club. Turns out they’re just really good at planting seeds of doubt.
- Asked my fake friend about their new gardening venture. They said: I’ve always been skilled at cultivating suspicion.
8. What’s a fake friend’s favorite type of music?
Backstabber jazz.
And that’s what he listens to all day.
- Caught my fake friend listening to backstabber jazz. Didn’t even know that was a genre!
- Wondered about my fake friend’s taste in music. Turns out they’re all about that backstabber jazz rhythm.
9. Why did the fake friend become a chef?
To perfect the art of flipping. Such an inconsistent fellow, that one.
- Found out my fake friend is now a chef. Probably perfecting the art of flipping, just like he does with friendships.
- Visited the restaurant run by my fake friend. Their specialty? Flipping, both pancakes and allegiances.
10. What’s a fake friend’s favorite board game?
Betrayal at the House of Friends. They need practice on betrayal. The games help a lot.
- Played board games with my fake friend. Unsurprisingly, their favorite is ‘Betrayal at the House of Friends.’
- Asked my fake friend about game night. He said: I love playing Betrayal at the House of Friends. It’s my kind of game!
11. Why did the fake friend enroll in a dance class?
To master the art of two-faced twirls. You never know what hand such a friend is going to deal you next. Watch your feet. She might be stepping on them.
- Spotted my fake friend at a dance class. Apparently, they’re perfecting the two-faced twirl. Surprising no one.
- Asked my fake friend about their newfound dance skills. They said: I’ve got the moves for navigating friendships.
12. How does a fake friend prepare for a storm?
By stocking up on umbrellas to shield themselves from responsibilities. That one has everything but lacks accountability.
- Found my fake friend hoarding umbrellas. Turns out, they’re preparing for a storm of responsibilities.”
- Asked my fake friend about their umbrella collection. They said, ‘Gotta stay dry when responsibilities come pouring down.'”
13. Why did the fake friend get a job at the zoo?
To learn how to mimic loyalty by observing chameleons. Someone needs to tell the chameleon to watch out for that one.
- Visited my fake friend at the zoo. They’re studying chameleons for their next lesson in loyalty mimicry.
- Asked my fake friend about their zoo job. They said, ‘I’m just here to learn from the masters of blending in.’
14. What’s a fake friend’s favorite winter activity?
Ice-skating on thin promises. This one will hit that fake fake who’s fond of going back on their words. You are exposed! Skating on thin ice!
- Caught my fake friend on the ice rink. Turns out, they’re a pro at gliding on thin promises.”
- Asked my fake friend about their winter plans. They said, ‘I’ll be ice-skating on promises, just like every season.’
15. Why did the fake friend start a podcast?
To share their expertise in backtracking. Isn’t that what they do? It’s so easy for them to backtrack. As easy as running the record back just before we get to the part where the truth hurts.
- Tuned into my fake friend’s podcast. It’s all about the art of backtracking, a skill they’ve mastered in friendships.
- Asked my fake friend about their new podcast. They said, ‘It’s all about reversing course, just like I do in friendships.’
16. How does a fake friend order coffee?
With a shot of deceit and a sprinkle of insincerity. And a smirk to drink it with. What are you having coffee with a fake friend for anyway?
- Went for coffee with my fake friend. They ordered, ‘One cup of lies, please, with a side of insincerity.'”
- Asked my fake friend about their coffee preferences. They said, ‘I like it with a dash of deceit, just like my friendships.'”
17. Why did the fake friend become a referee?
To practice blowing whistles without commitment. This fake friend takes whistle blowing to a disloyal level. Run when you hear the whistle.
- Found out my fake friend is now a referee. Perfect job for someone who excels at blowing whistles without committing.
- Asked my fake friend about their referee gig. They said, ‘I’m an expert at making calls without sticking to them.’
18. What’s a fake friend’s favorite movie genre?
Betrayal Comedies. You can hear the evil cackle echo on the walls as you walk away. They feed on negative feelings and pain.
- Movie night with my fake friend means watching betrayal comedies. They find humor in the kind of twists they pull in friendships.
- Asked my fake friend about their movie preferences. They said, ‘I love a good betrayal comedy. It’s relatable.’
19. Why did the fake friend become a gardener?
To practice weeding out sincerity from their relationships. They don’t come to sow friendship. They are like creeping weeds that choke the life out of your group.
- Visited my fake friend’s garden. They said, ‘I’m just honing my skills at weeding out sincerity.’
- Asked my fake friend about their gardening hobby. They said, ‘It’s all about cultivating superficial connections.’
20. What’s a fake friend’s favorite workout routine?
Jumping to conclusions and lifting gossip. Mind what you say in front of these ones. They’re big on gossip. It’s how they build muscle.
- Spotted my fake friend at the gym. Their workout routine involves jumping to conclusions and lifting heavy gossip.
- Asked my fake friend about their fitness regimen. They said, ‘I stay in shape by jumping to conclusions and lifting the weight of juicy gossip.’
21. Why did the fake friend start a band?
To master the art of playing both sides of the friendship riff. He or she can’t be trusted to be impartial. They stir up jealousy and fights.
- Caught my fake friend jamming in a band. Apparently, they’re a virtuoso at playing both sides of the friendship riff.
- Asked my fake friend about their musical talents. They said, ‘I’m great at harmonizing, especially when it comes to two-faced tunes.’
22. What’s a fake friend’s favorite dessert?
Layered cake of insincerity. They will sweet talk their way through anything. Only for you to end up with the short end of the bargain.
- Shared dessert with my fake friend. Their favorite? A layered cake of insincerity, just like our conversations.
- Asked my fake friend about their sweet tooth. They said, ‘I prefer desserts with layers, just like my friendships.’
23. Why did the fake friend become a magician?
They wanted to perfect the disappearing act when you need them most. They can spot those important moments when you need a shoulder to lean on. Their pockets are full of excuses for not being there.
- Attended my fake friend’s magic show. Their specialty? The disappearing act, especially when you need them.
- Asked my fake friend about their interest in magic. They said, ‘I’ve mastered disappearing acts, just like in friendships.’
24. How does a fake friend play hide and seek?
They hide behind excuses and seek attention elsewhere. And there is always an excuse here and there to hide behind. Once they hide, forget it, the game is over. You can’t find them.
- Played hide and seek with my fake friend. They hid behind excuses and sought attention somewhere else.
- Asked my fake friend if they wanted to play hide and seek. They said, ‘I’ve been a pro at hiding behind excuses for years.’
25. What’s a fake friend’s favorite board game?
Risk: The Game of Shifting Alliances. These ones are friends only for a season. The good season. You’re on your own on rainy days.
- Game night with my fake friend involves playing ‘Risk: The Game of Shifting Alliances.’ Seems fitting.”
- Asked my fake friend about their board game preferences. They said, ‘I love a good game of Risk, keeps everyone on their toes.'”
26. Why did the fake friend become a weather forecaster?
Predicting storms of drama and cloudy commitments. This friend is so negative he only sees dark clouds. There’s a question for every answer you give.
- Learned my fake friend is now a weather forecaster. Apparently, they’re great at predicting storms of drama and cloudy commitments.”
- Asked my fake friend about their new career. They said, ‘I’m just forecasting the weather of my friendships.’
27. How does a fake friend take a selfie?
With the perfect angle to crop out sincerity. And if you are the sincere one, best believe you’re getting cropped out. Everywhere around a fake friend is a no-sincerity zone.
- Saw my fake friend taking a selfie. They had the perfect angle to crop out any hint of sincerity.
- Asked my fake friend about their selfie technique. They said, ‘It’s all about cropping out the unnecessary, just like in friendships.’
28. Why did the fake friend become a tour guide?
Leading people in circles without a genuine destination. And it’s a deliberate act of malice. Even when there’s a map showing the destination a fake friend just wants to see you miserably lost.
- Discovered my fake friend is a tour guide now. They’re experts at leading people in circles without a genuine destination.
- Asked my fake friend about their tour guide gig. They said, ‘I excel at taking people on journeys that lead nowhere.’
29. What’s a fake friend’s favorite dance move?
The backstab boogie. He even has a costume for this dance: a clown mask and oversized jacket and pants. The fake friend doesn’t care if he looks fake though.
- Spotted my fake friend on the dance floor. They were busting out the backstab boogie like a pro.
- Asked my fake friend about their dance moves. They said, ‘I’ve got the backstab boogie down to an art.’
30. Why did the fake friend become a traffic cop?
To direct traffic of gossip and to steer clear of commitments. He’s not trying to protect anyone.
- Learned my fake friend is now a traffic cop. They’re skilled at directing the traffic of gossip while steering clear of commitments.
- Asked my fake friend about their job as a traffic cop. They said, ‘I’m excellent at managing the flow, both in traffic and friendships.’
31. Why did the fake friend take up painting?
To master the art of covering up their true colors. They have a mask on for every occasion and everyone they meet. The thing is, all the masks are the same: deceitful.
- Caught my fake friend with a paintbrush. Turns out, they’re a pro at covering up their true colors, literally.
- Asked my fake friend about their newfound interest in painting. They said, ‘I’ve always been great at adding layers, especially to friendships.’
32. How does a fake friend celebrate birthdays?
By blowing out candles and wishing for more gullible friends. The candles are friends they’re trying to discard. Fake friends love gullible folks.
- Attended my fake friend’s birthday party. They blew out candles and probably wished for a fresh batch of gullible friends.
- Asked my fake friend about their birthday plans. They said, ‘I’m just here for the candles and wishes, like in friendships.’
33. Why did the fake friend become a librarian?
Perfecting the art of shelving promises and checking out of commitments. The books in the library even have more integrity than this sort of friend. This friend’s presence in the library is an insult to the books.
- Found out my fake friend is a librarian. They’re experts at shelving promises and checking out of commitments.
- Asked my fake friend about their career choice. They said, ‘I excel at organizing, especially when it comes to commitments.’
34. How does a fake friend take a vacation?
By going on a trip and leaving sincerity at home. We checked and found sincerity trapped in the fake friend’s house. The fellow was looking out the window, sadness on his face.
- Heard my fake friend is on vacation. Probably left sincerity at home, as usual.
- Asked my fake friend about their vacation plans. They said, ‘I’m taking a break from sincerity, just like in friendships.’
35. What’s a fake friend’s favorite genre of literature?
Fictional friendships and non-committal novels. A person can not get faker than this. And they take pride in being fake.
- Visited the bookstore with my fake friend. They headed straight to the section on fictional friendships and non-committal novels.
- Asked my fake friend about their reading preferences. They said, ‘I love stories where friendships are just as fictional as my own.’
36. Why did the fake friend start a fashion blog?
To showcase the latest trends in turning backs and walking away. It’s a lifestyle blog. The articles on turning backs and walking away are long form and well written.
- Checked out my fake friend’s fashion blog. It’s all about the latest trends in turning backs and walking away gracefully.
- Asked my fake friend about their blogging venture. They said, ‘Fashion is all about making an exit, just like in friendships.’
37. How does a fake friend navigate a maze?
It’s by finding the exit without ever getting too close to the center. It’s not you, it’s the fake friend. They are not good with people.
- Played a maze game with my fake friend. They found the exit without ever getting close to the center. Impressive.
- Asked my fake friend about their maze strategy. They said, ‘I’m all about finding the way out without getting too involved, just like in friendships.’
38. What’s a fake friend’s favorite song?
Hit the Road, Jack (of Commitment). They’re never in for the long term. You’d be making a terrible mistake by investing in their loyalty.
- Heard my fake friend humming ‘Hit the Road, Jack (of Commitment)’ as they walked away from responsibilities.
- Asked my fake friend about their favorite song. They said, ‘Anything that encourages hitting the road, just like in friendships.’
39. Why did the fake friend become a tour guide?
To lead people through a maze of half-truths and scenic routes of insincerity. They do this by gaslighting and manipulation.
- Discovered my fake friend is a tour guide now. They’re great at leading people through a maze of half-truths and scenic routes of insincerity.
- Asked my fake friend about their tour guide gig. They said, ‘I guide people through the scenic routes of friendships, avoiding the real path.’
40. What’s a fake friend’s favorite type of soup?
Pho-get about loyalty, it’s all about the broth of betrayal. You’re never going to get anything good out of friendship with them.
- Joined my fake friend for soup. Their favorite? Pho-get about loyalty, it’s all about the broth of betrayal.
- Asked my fake friend about their soup preferences. They said, ‘I like a good bowl of pho-get about loyalty, just like in friendships.’
Final Thoughts
As we wrap up this hilarious exploration of roasts for fake friends, remember that laughter has a unique way of lightening the load.
While these jests may not mend broken friendships, they certainly offer a lighthearted perspective on the complexities of human connections.
Whether you’ve shared these jokes with genuine pals or secretly chuckled to yourself, let humor be the glue that binds you to the authenticity of true friendship.
After all, in the grand comedy of life, sincerity always steals the show. Until next time, keep laughing and keeping it real!