Many things could excite Michigan fans when they look back on the last few years, but this list I’m about to share with you isn’t one of them.
After interacting with a large portion of the University of Michigan fan base, I realised that trashing the football program means bringing up a kicker for a fight.
If you’re looking to piss off a Michigan fan in a light-hearted way, here are some killer punchlines to use.
List 20 Best Roasts For Michigan Fans
1. “How do you make University of Michigan cookies? Put them in a big bowl and Beat them for three hours.”
Use this classic line to remind them their team is as easy to handle as cookie dough. It’s a sly way of dissing their beloved Wolverines.
The joke implies that their team is a piece of cake for opponents, just like making cookies should be.
So, if they’re rocking the Michigan gear, this joke is a teasing reminder that their team might be taking a beating.
- “Your team crumbles easier than these cookies in the oven.”
- “Your team’s recipe for success is simpler than making these treats.”
2. ‘When’s the last time you beat the Buckeyes?’
Make the Michigan fan squirm a bit with this question. See, Ohio State is Michigan’s arch-enemy in football, and the Wolverines haven’t had the best luck against them lately.
So, when you bring up their last victory, it’s like reminding them of a sore spot, a wound that hasn’t quite healed.
It’s not just a question; it’s a playful jab that taps into years of competition, bitter losses, and a burning desire to come out on top.
- “When was the last time your Wolverines outplayed the Buckeyes? Bet that’s a tough memory!”
- “Hey, any recent victories against the Buckeyes for your Wolverines? I might need a history lesson!”
3. “Is ‘Go Blue’ a cheer or just a description of Michigan’s mood after another loss?”
When you can’t attack the coach, unless his name is Rich Rodriguez or Brady Hoke, you go for the fans.
“Go Blue” is the sacred slogan for Michigan fans, something they shout with pride.
By suggesting it might be a sad description after a loss, you’re basically saying they’re cheering for their misery—ouch.
- “Do Michigan fans shout ‘Go Blue’ to cheer up or just accept another loss?”
4. “Do they serve ice cream at Michigan games? Because the football is always melting.”
Tell them the team isn’t doing so great, but in a sassy way. The punchline, “Because the football is always melting,” suggests that the football team is like ice cream in the sun—falling apart and not holding up well.
It would mean th team can’t handle the heat of the game, and their performance is melting away, just like ice cream would.
- “Is ice cream on the menu at Michigan games? ‘Cause their football seems to be turning into a puddle out there.”
- “Hey, do they sell ice cream at the Michigan matches? Because their football game is like a summer sundae – it’s always melting away!”
5. “Y’all are good at turning high expectations into low scores.”
Point out the team’s knack for falling short of the enormous expectations. This line basically says that Michigan fans always get their hopes up, expecting a fantastic performance, but somehow, the team ends up with not-so-great scores.
- “Michigan’s football team is like a magician turning excitement into low scores.”
6. “I didn’t realise ‘Wolverines’ was a reference to the number of times they win a national title in a century.”
Make it sound like they’re the perennial losers in a century-long competition, and everyone else has been racking up titles while they’ve been struggling to keep up.
It’s a cheeky way to roast them about their team’s supposed lacklustre performance throughout the years. So, be ready for some defensive comebacks if you use that line!
- “Didn’t realise ‘Wolverines’ stood for the number of times they hit the jackpot in a century of championships. Oops!
7. “Michigan’s idea of a playoff run is booking a trip to the College Football Hall of Fame.”
Tell them they are better off sightseeing history than making it. Imagine being a fan with high hopes, only to be reminded that success feels about as distant as a vacation destination. It’s a witty dig that might make a Michigan fan cringe.
- “Michigan’s playoff strategy is more tourist guide than championship playbook.”
8. “Do they give out participation trophies for making it to bowl games with Michigan’s track record?”
Compare their achievements to a participation trophy. It’s a sly way of teasing them about their team’s near misses and falling short of the championship glory they’re so hungry for.
- “Do they hand out ribbons for just showing up to bowl games in Michigan’s playbook?”
- “Is there a ‘Nice Try’ medal for making it to bowl games with Michigan’s history?”
9. “I bet even Michigan’s marching band knows how to play the sad trombone after a loss.”
Imagine you’re at a Michigan football game, and the team just lost. Fans are already upset.
Now, think about the marching band playing the sad trombone sound, the one you hear in cartoons when something goes wrong.
It’s like a musical symbol of defeat. It’s a cheeky way of saying, “Ouch, even the music knows your team is having a rough time.”
- “If Michigan’s team falters, their marching band might swap fight songs for a round of sad trombone melodies.”
10. “Michigan’s fight song is more successful than their actual fights on the field.”
No doubt this is simply a playful dig, but it hits hard because Michigan fans are fiercely proud of their football team.
Suggesting that they’re better at making noise with their instruments than scoring touchdowns implies their team isn’t doing so well.
- “Your fight song deserves more cheers than your touchdowns.”
11. “Why doesn’t Michigan have a trophy room? Oh, right, lack of trophies.”
Take a dig at Michigan’s recent lack of significant football victories. It’s not just a tease; it’s a way of saying, “Your team hasn’t won much lately.”
For fans who live and breathe Wolverines football, it’s a bit of a verbal slap, highlighting the team’s struggle to bring home the big trophies.
- “Hey, did Michigan misplace their trophies, or is the collection just on the smaller side?”
- “Why is there no trophy room at Michigan? Oh, right, they’re still hunting for enough big wins to fill it up.”
12. “I thought ‘Big Blue’ referred to the sadness level of Michigan fans after another season without a national title.”
Target the fans’ hopes and dreams. It’s sure to ruffle some feathers in the Wolverine nation.
They take their team seriously, and suggesting perpetual sadness is attached to “Big Blue” is a surefire way to get under their skin.
- “Big Blue” is just code for the perpetual disappointment they feel after each season without a national championship.
13. “Michigan’s football strategy: Hail Mary, full of grace, please score a touchdown in this space.”
Use this poetic roast to ruffle some feathers. The “in this space” part implies that even if they get close to scoring, they might not quite make it over the finish line.
It’s a witty way of saying, “Your team’s strategy might need a bit of divine intervention to succeed!”
- “Michigan’s playbook: Pray for a miracle, toss the ball, hope it lands in the endzone, fingers crossed for a touchdown zone.”
- “Michigan’s game plan: Cross your fingers, throw a long shot, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll see a touchdown on the scoreboard spot.”
14. “Y’all remind me of the library – not much excitement.”
Compare the football team to a library to imply it’s boring. The remark about “no national championships” is a direct hit on their quest for the big win.
15. “Michigan holds the record for the most heart attacks caused by missed field goals.”
Imagine someone saying your favourite team isn’t just losing; they’re making it an art form.
That’s bound to hit a nerve and leave fans feeling a bit roasted! Michigan fans take a lot of pride in their football history, and this line implies they’re not living up to their usual standards.
- “Heard Michigan’s new playbook is all about turning heartbreaks into a high-scoring game with missed field goals. Bold strategy!”
- “I guess Michigan’s game plan is to set a record in making fans clutch their hearts every time a field goal is missed. Talk about aiming for the unexpected!”
16. “What’s the difference between the Big House and a cactus? The cactus has its pricks on the outside!”
“Big House” refers to Michigan Stadium, their huge football arena. The joke here is comparing it to a cactus.
The punchline is that a cactus has its thorns outside, visible to everyone. So, the quip is saying that Michigan’s football struggles and challenges are as noticeable as the thorns on a cactus.
- “Why is Michigan like a cactus? Because the Big House has its football troubles out in the open, just like a cactus with its pricks showing!”
17. “Who else are so good at handling dissapointment than the Michigan fans.”
Call them a pro at dealing with letdowns – as if supporting Michigan is a crash course in staying upbeat despite heartbreak.
- “Michigan fans could turn heartbreak into an art form – they’re practically the Picasso of disappointment!”
- “If handling letdowns was an Olympic sport, Michigan fans would be the gold medalists. They’ve mastered the art of cheering through thick and thin!”
18. “What does the University of Michigan and marijuana have in common? They Both get smoked in bowls.”
Use these play-on-words to say Michigan’s sports teams get “smoked” or defeated in bowl games, especially in college football.
For a passionate fan, this is like saying their teams often lose in important games, which can be a sore point.
- “Why are Michigan teams like a bowl of snacks? Because they both get smoked in big bowls!”
- “What’s the link between Michigan sports and cereal? They both end up getting smoked in bowls!”
19. “Do you know why Michigan’s football field is so green? It’s the only thing they consistently dominate in – turf maintenance.”
First, you gree with the beautiful green field but slyly suggest that Michigan’s dominance might be limited to taking care of the grass rather than winning football games.
It’s a witty way of poking fun at the team’s performance while giving credit to the lush field.
The fan might feel a mix of pride for the well-kept turf and a twinge of frustration about the team’s fortunes.
- “Ever wonder why Michigan’s field is greener than their win column? They ace turf care, not touchdowns!”
- “Hey, your field looks great, but maybe your team’s success is mainly in keeping the turf nice and tidy.”
20. “Is ‘Go Blue’ the strategy? Because ‘Go Wins’ isn’t working.”
Point out that their team’s slogan is just a cover-up for a lack of victories. Prepare for some serious eye rolls and passionate defences of the Wolverines if you drop a line like that!
- “Is ‘Go Blue’ the plan? ‘Cause ‘Go Wins’ seems on vacation.”
- “Is ‘Go Blue’ the tactic? ‘Cause ‘Go Wins’ is MIA.”