20 Funny Roasts for a Habs Fan

Funny Roasts for a Habs Fan

When I want to roast a Habs fan, all I say is, “I have a joke to tell, but it might be too dark, humourous and enjoyable for the Habs front office to deal with.” 

It works every time because I’m referring to PK Subban, who is dark, humorous (etc.) and was traded away. After all, the management didn’t see him as a good fit for the team.

Habs fans have received roasting even from celebrities. Remember when Justin Bieber, a few months ago, pissed off a few Habs fans while performing in Montreal? Yeah.

Like many of us, he has never been shy about letting people know that he’s a Leafs fan through and through. 

But it doesn’t end there. There are other fantastic punchlines you can use on a Montreal Canadiens fandom to piss them off in a lighthearted manner. 

Learn more in this article. 

Table of Contents

List of 20 Funny Roasts for a Habs Fan

1. “Why do Habs fans make terrible detectives? Because they can never find the back of the net!”

Take a subtle jab at the team’s struggle to score goals. The roast comes from the twist on the detective idea; they’re supposed to find things, but the joke suggests Habs fans can’t find the net where they score goals. 

So, to a passionate Habs fan, this kind of joke would playfully mock their team’s difficulty in scoring, poking fun at a sensitive spot. 

  • Hey, they might need glasses to see their goals better.

2. “Habs simply means ‘Hey. Another. Bad. Season’”

Tease them about something they’re susceptible to. Remind them they always have a tough time. In the world of sports fandom, where emotions run high, this kind of comment can be a bit like poking a beehive. 

So, the phrase becomes a clever, if cheeky, way to playfully roast a Habs fan about their team’s performance.

  •  “The Habs? More like ‘Hope Another Better Season.'”
  •  “Habs, the abbreviation for ‘Hopefully A Brighter Season.’ Am I right?”

3. “Hab’s mascot is transforming into a magician. And just like that, their playoff hopes disappear!”

Poke at the frustration and disappointment that Habs fans might feel about their team’s playoff performances. This roast is a playful tease about the Canadiens often facing difficulties in the playoffs. 

The magician mascot symbolises the team’s knack for making their playoff dreams vanish, and the “Poof!” the part adds a funny, magical twist to it.

  • “Heard the Habs are getting a magician mascot. Watch closely – poof! There go their playoff hopes!”
  • “Guess what? The Habs’ new mascot is a magician. Abracadabra and their playoff chances disappear in a puff of smoke!”

4. “What can I say about the Habs that haven’t already been said about Afghanistan?”

Compare the Montreal Canadiens to Afghanistan. It’s like dissing a five-star meal by comparing it to something completely unrelated and hostile.

The Montreal Canadiens are like a beloved masterpiece in the hockey world, and saying they’re as worn out as talking about a troubled country is a significant insult. 

It’s a low blow that hits right in the fan pride.

  • Talking about them is like talking about a rock in Afghanistan—been there, done that.”
  •  “The Habs are so last season, it’s like talking about Afghanistan – everyone’s heard it before.”

5. “In the last year, they went from the Habs to the Hahahahabs.”

Funny Roasts for a Habs Fan

“Hahahahabs” sounds like laughter, and it’s making fun of the team. It’s like turning something extraordinary into something people mock. 

For a superfan, it’s like having someone laugh at their favourite thing in the world. So, the line is a way of saying, “Hey, your team isn’t cool anymore; it’s a joke.” And that can really sting for a fan who loves their team.

  • “Last year, the Habs turned into the Hahahaha-ds!”

6. “The Canadiens are like a bad date – promising a lot but delivering disappointment by the end of the night!”

Liken the hockey game to a date that starts full of promise but ends up being a letdown.

The analogy suggests that cheering for the Canadiens is akin to going on a date that doesn’t live up to your expectations – a playful way of teasing fans by highlighting the team’s occasional disappointments.

7. “If the Habs were a vegetable, they’d be a choke-artichoke.”

Hint that the Canadiens have a knack for messing up in crucial situations. Now, here comes the fun part – “choke-artichoke” is a play on words.

Instead of just saying “choke,” it cleverly adds “artichoke,” a vegetable. 

So, it means the Canadiens are experts in the art of choking, and if they were a vegetable, they’d be an artichoke.

For a devoted Habs fan, it’s like telling them their team has a unique talent for coming up short when it matters most. 

  • “Comparing the Habs to veggies, they’d be a choke carrot – a bit too orange in the face of pressure!”

8. “I asked a Canadiens fan how many Stanley Cups they’ve won recently. They said, ‘Let me check the history books.'”

The Montreal Canadiens have a rich history with lots of Stanley Cup wins, but in recent years, they haven’t been as successful. 

So, mentioning the history books is like saying, “Your team used to be awesome, but what about now?”

  • Their team hasn’t been winning much lately, and they’d rather talk about the glory days.

9. “Their logo looks like a toilet seat”

Make a joke about the C in their logo. And when you think about it, teams with logo that includes ‘B’ looks like a sideways ass. So I guess the Habs and Bruins were destined for each other. 

Anyway, the painful part of this punchline is that it only reveals more how nice and easy it is to shit on the team. 

  • Calling their logo a toilet seat is like telling a Habs fan their favourite jersey is just bathroom decor—ouch!

10. “Why are the Canadiens like eternal optimists? Because just like Cinderella, they’re always wishing for a magical season!”

Point out that the Canadiens haven’t been winning championships recently. Imagine you’re telling your friend their favourite sports team is a bit like a fairy-tale character who hasn’t entirely found their happy ending yet. 

It’s all funny, but sports fans can be very passionate, so they might playfully argue back!

  • “Comparing the Habs to Cinderella? Yep, both banking on magic for that dream season, but hey, it’s all in good puck-ish fun!”

11. “I teased a Habs fan with a joke about their team; they missed it, just like the Habs miss scoring on power plays!”

Make a joke about their team’s weak point. The roast in the mark comes from the fact that the fan might not find it funny because it hits on a sensitive topic – their team’s not-so-great power play performance. 

  • “Shared a laugh with a Habs fan using a team joke; flew right by them, just like the Habs’ power play tactics!”

12. “Zamboni could break through Hab’s defence”

Call their team’s defence like a flimsy barrier, so fragile that even a Zamboni, which is just a machine used to clean the ice, could quickly get past it. 

You’re comparing the defence to a delicate sandcastle that collapses at the slightest touch.

It’s a lighthearted but pointed way of teasing about the team’s defensive skills, and it might sting a bit because everyone wants to believe their team is rock-solid.

  • “The Canadiens’ defence is as tough as a snowflake in July – even a Zamboni could breeze through.”

13. “Habs fast losses reminds me of Pittsburgh in the 90s”

Hint that the Canadiens are doing so poorly that fans are leaving in droves. Nobody likes being associated with a losing team. 

Second, it compares them to the Pittsburgh Penguins in the late ’90s, a time when Pittsburgh was doing terribly and not very popular.

So, you’re roasting them on their team not only losing but is also as unpopular as can be.

  • “Montreal’s fanbase is disappearing faster than a magician’s rabbit!”

14. “I asked Siri how many Cups the Habs snagged lately, and she said, ‘Sorry, I don’t count that low.’ Ouch, even the robot’s throwing shade!”

Funny Roasts for a Habs Fan

Use this class line to play down their achievements. It’s a witty way of poking fun at the team’s recent performance, implying they’re not doing as well as they’d like. So, if you’re a Habs fan, it might hit the nerve. 

15. “Habs can’t hold onto a record!”

In hockey, “holding onto a record” is a play on words. Usually, it means keeping a good track record of wins. But in your joke, it suggests they can’t physically hold onto a DJ record, like a vinyl disc. 

This is a playful dig, insinuating that they’re not skilled at being DJs. It’s more like their team is better off in trouble (penalty box) than trying something new.

  • “Why aren’t Habs good at DJing? Because they can’t keep a beat!”
  • “Ever wonder why Canadiens don’t make great DJs? They can’t seem to spin a record without dropping it!”

16. “In a poker game, a Habs fan would fold faster than their team in the playoffs!”

Funny Roasts for a Habs Fan

“Folding” means giving up in poker, and you’re saying your friend gave up quickly, just like the Habs supposedly do in the playoffs. 

For a Habs fan, this hurts because it’s not just about losing at poker; it’s a dig at their favourite hockey team.

The comment suggests that not only did they lose fast in the card game, but it also reminded them of the Habs’ struggles in the hockey playoffs.

  • “Invited a Habs supporter to poker – they gave up quicker than the Canadiens in playoffs!”

17. “What’s a Canadiens fan’s favourite exercise? Jumping to conclusions about their team’s success!”

Canadiens fans get excited too quickly, thinking their team will win, but sometimes things don’t go as expected.

So, use this line to poke fun at the fans for being optimistic only to see their team face challenges.

It’s funny, but to a devoted Canadiens fan, it might feel like a little slap to their pride because it points out that their excitement sometimes doesn’t match the actual results of the games. 

  • “Why do Canadiens fans love cardio? Because they’re pros at jumping to conclusions about their team’s success!”
  • “What’s a Canadiens fan’s favourite sport? Olympic-level is jumping to conclusions about their team winning!”

18. “I asked a Habs fan for their favourite playoff memory. They said, ‘I’ll have to get back to you on that.'”

I know that this roast sounds like you’re saying, “Your team has so many awesome moments that it’s hard to choose.”

But here’s the kicker – it’s not a compliment. It’s sarcasm. They can’t remember the last time they had a satisfactory gameplay. 

19. “What’s the Canadiens’ favourite app? Tinder – because they’re always swiping left on playoff success!”

Tease them about their team’s struggle to do well in the playoffs recently. Well, think of Tinder as a dating app where you swipe left to reject someone.

The joke suggests that the Canadiens are constantly saying “no” to playoff victories as if they’re unlucky in love.

  • “Why do the Canadiens love Tinder? Because, just like on the app, they keep swiping left on playoff wins!”
  • “The Canadiens’ go-to app? Tinder! They’re pros at swiping left, especially when it comes to playoff success.”

20. “Why kick a team when they’re already down?” 

Tell them their team is a burnt dinner. You’re not just making fun of the team; you’re saying they’re a disaster that’s not even worth making fun of. 

It’s a double whammy that hits their love for the game and team pride. Ouch, right? Well, he who is down fear no fall. 

  • “Why bother teasing a team that’s already messed things up?


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