Let’s shred that annoying person who has an answer for every subject under the sun.
You must have someone like that around you. Or even in your circle. He or she won’t stop talking, a Mr. Know-it-all.
There you are, gazing glumly at the person, struggling with the urge to shut them up. But you can’t because, well, you don’t have the words.
I’m here to your rescue. In this article, we explore 20 funny roasts to shut people who think they’re smart up.
We are using everything we know about know-it-all people. And we’re not pulling the punches.
Each roast begins with a theme that allows you to tweak the subject matter to your taste.
Dig in.
20 Funny Roasts for Someone Who Thinks They’re Smart
1. For The Know-It-All’s Whose IQs Are Better Than GPS
The guy who thinks he’s the smartest probably also things Google earth is dumb too.
If you’re on a camping trip with this dude, and his trying to wade through the wilderness without consulting with his group, roast him. Below are examples of what to say to him. Or her.
- Why did Brad, the self-proclaimed genius refuse to use GPS?
Because he believes his IQ is the ultimate navigation system.
2. The Smart Person Literally Brings A Ladder To The Library
This is a roast for the college know-it-all; the student who thinks he or she is smarter than the books in thw college library.
The best scenario to use this roast is in the library. The moment when the person smart talks about a book, tell everyone Brad practically came to the library with a ladder.
- Why did the smarty-pants bring a ladder to the library?
Because he wanted to reach the higher levels of understanding by literally climbing the shelves.
3. The Brainy Barber
The person who thinks they’re smart will hear this roast and not get it at first. At least not until the end when they realize the roast is not about literal hair.
This roast also exposes the person for the half wit they may be. Deliver this roast with a smile, in a cool, nonchalant tone. Also this roast is for the know-it-all who loves cutting people off mid sentence.
Just tell the person he ought to pick barbing up as a profession.
- Why did the person who thinks they’re brilliant become a barber?
Because he wanted to give everyone ‘smart cuts’—even if it meant just trimming the ends of their sentences.
4. The Intellectual Waiter
If Mr. Know-it-all is showing off again at the dinner table, at the restaurant or anywhere else there is food, shut them up with this roast. Even better if the person is known as a self professed brainiac.
Recommend that they become a waiter. That would give them the opportunity to serve more people wisdom. This roast is also a veiled insult, good for every occasion.
- Why did the self-proclaimed brainiac work as a waiter?
Because she believed she could serve up wisdom along with the soup of the day.
5. Einstein’s Apprentice
If this Mr. Know-it-all is in science class with you, this roast is for him or her. Few people are smarter than Einstein. Perhaps your friend believes he or she is one of this elite group of smart people.
This roast makes mockery of their claim. It is a funny, sarcastic suggestion for the person to walk into a patent office, patent something, let’s see.
- Why did the wannabe genius apply for a job at the patent office?
Because he thought he could outsmart Einstein and revolutionize theoretical physics.
6. The Overqualified Janitor
Yeah, why don’t you become a janitor, mop the mess out of people’s minds since you’re that smart.
This is how you roast the guy who thinks they’re better than everyone, including the janitor who seems learned by the way.
It’s one roast you use to teach a know-it-all a life’s lesson. Deliver this roast with a smug expression too. Give the person a taste of their medicine.
- Why did the supposed brainiac take a job as a janitor?
Because he believed he could clean up the messes in people’s minds while sweeping the floors.
7. The Philosophical Plumber
If the Mr. Know-it-all is the type of guy who thinks people are the cause of all their troubles, this roast is for them.
Ask them if they’ll do better in the other person’s shoes. Further suggest they become a plumber, seeing as they could fix every problem that way.
- Why did the so-called genius become a plumber?
Because she thought she could fix everyone’s problems by just tightening a few screws and flushing out the nonsense.
8. The Wise Toothpaste Squeezer
This funny roast is for the sibling who thinks they know it all. Especially the one who calls themselves a genius for doing even the mundane things correctly.
Wait for the moment when this know-it-all sibling is about to use the toothpaste before—with a smug expression on your face—dropping this roast.
- Why did the self-proclaimed genius meticulously squeeze toothpaste from the bottom?
Because he believed even the smallest tasks required superior intellect and precision.
9. The Sudoku Strategist
If the person who thinks they’re smart is an avid player of games like sudoku or chess, this funny roast is for them. You can begin this roast by calling the person, a sudoku strategist.
Refer to the intense expression on the person’s face as he tries to figure out the game. Then follow up with the example below.
- Why did the know-it-all spend hours solving Sudoku puzzles?
Because he thought mastering number patterns would somehow unlock the secrets of the universe.
10. The DIY Genius
This is another domestically inspired funny roast. This is for the sibling or cousin who thinks they’re are smarter than a plumber. Use this roast in a real plumbing disaster situation.
Standing behind this know-it-all as he tinkers unsuccessfully with the plumbing, follow up with example below.
- Why did the person who thinks they’re smart refuse to call a plumber when their sink was clogged?
Because she was convinced she could engineer a solution using nothing but duct tape, chewing gum, and their vast intellect.
11. The Quantum Chef
This roast is for the know-it-all who becomes a chef. Use this roast during a toast to their new career path. Apply as much humor as you can so you don’t come off as a hater.
A funny way to begin is calling the person a quantum chef. When the laughs end the questions will come. You can conclude the roast with the example below.
- Why did the self-proclaimed genius become a chef?
Because she believed she could create dishes so complex, they’d defy the laws of culinary physics.
12. The Literary Lifeguard
This is a funny roast for every occasion. But if the Mr. Know-it-all in question is a real lifeguard, so be it.
Most of it is a clever use of words and puns without a direct reference to water or the ocean. But the self-proclaimed genius lifeguard will get the hint and laugh.
Lifeguards usually patrol the shallow end of the beach. Whereas, swimmers are in the depths of water.
Since this person thinks they’re smarter than everyone, we can imagine the expression on his face as he patrols the edge of the water.
- Why did the supposed brainiac become a lifeguard?
Because he thought he could rescue people from the depths of ignorance while patrolling the shallow end.
13. The Savant’s Garage
For this roast, admit to the Mr. Know-it-all that he is probably a savant. Hopefully, if he is as smart as he claims, he has ears for sarcasm.
Also this roast suggests that this person is only smart in his garage. This is because he’d rather be seen displaying this smartness rather than being actually smart.
And oh, he organizes his garage like a sudoku. To give the whole activity a semblance of intelligence.
- Why did the savant spend hours organizing his garage like a sudoku?
Because he believes if he could solve number puzzles, he could crack the code to a perfectly organized life.
14. The Rocket Scientist’s Pencil
In this roast we are reminded that the person who thinks he is smarter is often deluded. Everything he thinks he is, is in his head alone. Nothing in reality represents his own self image.
As pictured in this roast, he or she is foolish at best. As foolish as someone who thinks an eraser will undo their mistakes.
- Why did the wannabe genius use a pencil instead of a pen?
Because she thought the eraser represented her ability to undo any mistake, even in rocket science.
15. The Master Debater
This funny roast is a further attempt to expose the wannabe smart guy for who he really is, in a funny way, of course. This funny roast suggests that the person wastes everyone’s time with fruitless debates.
He enjoys showing off his so called intelligence debating over pizza toppings, not serious things like global warming or the rising cost of rent.
- Why did the self-proclaimed genius challenge everyone to debates?
Because he believes verbal sparring is the ultimate test of intellect, even if he was just arguing over pizza toppings.
16. The Scholarly Salesperson
This roast is recommended for the know-it-all who you think should be using his talent in sales but isn’t.
It would be a disaster if this person did sales. And if the person is already in sales, this roast exposes why they took the job.
- Why did the supposed brainiac work in sales?
Because he believed with his superior logic and persuasive skills he could convince customers to buy anything.
17. The Mathematical Musician
If you know anyone who thinks they’re are the smartest alive, and they play an instrument, this roast is for them. You are allowed to get cute and smart with words here.
The point of this roast is, this person carries his or her know-it-all attitude even into his piano playing. This person plays only for an audience of geniuses too—a nonexistent audience, by the way.
- Why did the person who thinks they’re smart learn to play the piano?
Because he believed he could find the perfect harmony between numbers and notes, composing symphonies that only geniuses could understand.
18. The Tech Guru’s Bushy Hair
He is so smart and his head is full of so much brain matter. Yet, this brain matter could evaporate into the air if his hair wasn’t covering.
So the more hair, the better for him. This roast is funnier if the person in question really do need the services of a barber.
- Why did the self-proclaimed tech guru never gets a hair cut?
Because he believes his hair protects his byte-sized intelligence from evaporating away.
19. The Astrophysical Athlete
If the person who thinks they’re smartest also loves jogging, this roast is for them. The roast connects running with being smart and you can actually tweak this anyhow you want it.
For example, if someone asks where Brad is, you can say: he’s out jogging, every step taking him closer to the mysteries of the world.
- Why did the supposed brainiac take up jogging?
Because they believed running marathons would help them understand the mysteries of the universe, one stride at a time.
20. The Quantum Mechanic’s Toolbox
And if the person is a mechanic, or some repairman, this roast is for them. Like the one before it, the humor is in the words you use.
If he uses a toolbox on his job, then that toolbox must house the solution to mankind’s problems.
- Why did the self-proclaimed genius carry around a toolbox everywhere?
Because he believes he could fix not only mechanical problems but also the fabric of space-time itself, one wrench turn at a time.
Final Thoughts
This roasts has been written so that you can tweak them to your taste. As you may have noticed, it is all in the words you use. Keep in mind that roasts can be delivered respectfully.
This funny roasts are for anyone who thinks they’re smart. The trick is in admitting they are smart, but making them seem dumb.