Gone are the days where you can piss off a Real Madrid fan by simply downplaying Cristiano Ronaldo’s astonishing performances or calling them ‘madridiots.’
If you want to roast a real Madrid fan today and give them no hope for a comeback in the conversation, you need to look beyond the stars of the team or the already famous punchlines out there.
With each season of La Liga and UEFA Champions League passing, I realised that irritating a Real Madrid fan is so easy.
Here are some of the sassy punchlines that have been successful in roasting Real Madrid fans. I’ve also included examples of how you can apply them.
List of 20 Funny Roasts to Say to a Real Madrid Fan
1. “Eder’s slide tackles aren’t as dusty as your trophy titles.”
This playful comment not only pokes fun at the trophies but also hints that the fan’s loyalty might be a bit rough around the edges, inspired by Eder’s intense playing style.
It’s a light-hearted way to get under their skin and make them reflect on the state of their team’s success and their dedication as a fan.
- “Does your trophy display need a dusting, like Eder’s’ tackles leave the field?”
2. “Do Real Madrid fans watch highlights in reverse to see their team scoring?”
Make a joke that their team isn’t scoring exciting goals. For a Real Madrid fan who loves their team’s history of winning and fantastic plays, it’s like saying, “Your team isn’t scoring much, so you have to find a funny way to enjoy the few goals they do make.”
It’s a light-hearted roast, but it can hit a nerve.
So, be ready for some passionate defending and maybe a few upset emojis if you say this to a Real Madrid supporter!
- “Does watching Real Madrid highlights in rewind make it seem like they score more often?”
3. “One would think they get bonus points for hitting the post.”
Ridicule how their team might be more focused on hitting the post than actually scoring goals. It’s implying that instead of putting the ball in the back of the net, Real Madrid players are so skilled that they get extra points for hitting the goalposts.
- “Do Real Madrid players get extra points for giving the goalposts a high-five?”
4. “Real Madrid’s defence is so leaky, even your excuses can’t plug the holes.”
Tell them their defence is terrible, and no matter how much fans try to explain or defend it, the issues are still glaring.
Soccer fans take pride in their team’s strengths, and saying their defence is “leaky” is a big insult. It’s like saying they can’t stop the other team from scoring.
- “Real Madrid’s defence is like a sieve; even excuses can’t patch it up!”
- “Your team’s defence is leakier than a faucet, and not even your best excuses can turn it off!”
5. “Do they give out trophies for best excuses? Real Madrid would clean up!”
Real Madrid is a powerhouse in football with a rich history of winning trophies. So, this comment is a cheeky way of saying, “Hey, even when Real Madrid doesn’t win, they’re so good at making excuses that they’d win a trophy for it.”
It’s not a mean roasting, but it’s designed to make them laugh while also gently teasing their team.
- “Imagine a trophy for making excuses – Real Madrid would have a whole collection!”
6. “Real Madrid fans have more conspiracy theories than goals this season.”
Gloat on the team not scoring as many goals as usual, hitting the fan where it hurts the most. The other exciting part of this line is saying Real Madrid fans are busy with conspiracy theories, implying that they’re making excuses for their team’s not-so-great season.
It’s a playful roast, but it definitely stings if the person is a passionate Real Madrid supporter.
7. “Is being a Real Madrid fan listed as a risky investment?”
Tell them all the time, energy, and emotions they put into supporting the band might not be worth it. For many Real Madrid fans, supporting their soccer team is not just about watching games; it’s a deep emotional connection.
People take their sports teams seriously, so questioning their dedication in this way can be a lighthearted but effective way to tease them.
- “Is being a Real Madrid fan like playing the lottery with emotions?”
8. “Is ‘Real’ short for ‘Really struggling’ this season?”
Drop this line to slyly suggest that instead of being the fantastic team everyone knows, maybe this season Real Madrid is having a tough time – like they’re not as excellent as usual.
It’s a clever comment that pokes fun at the idea that Real Madrid might be struggling, and for a fan, it’s like someone took a playful shot at their beloved team.
It’s not an annoying punchline, but it’s meant to get under their skin a bit.
- “Is ‘Real’ short for ‘Really taking a beating’ lately?”
- “Is ‘Real’ just code for ‘Really having a hard time’ this season?”
9. “Is ‘Almost Winning’ the new motto of Real Madrid?”
Real Madrid fans see their club as the best of the best.
So, suggesting that they’re now all about ‘almost winning’ implies that they’ve somehow lost their touch, like a superhero missing the mark on saving the day.
It’s not just poking fun; it’s like saying their team is now satisfied with being second best.
For a Real Madrid fan, this remark hits deep.
- “Is ‘Almost Winning’ their new thing?”
- “Is ‘Almost Winning’ their motto now?”
10. “Are Real Madrid fans allergic to domestic trophies?”
The dig here is playful but clever. It’s teasing Real Madrid supporters by suggesting they might not care much about winning national championships (like La Liga) because they’re so fixated on conquering Europe.
This jibe will make them feel a bit defensive about their team’s priorities.
- “Are Real Madrid fans on a diet that excludes domestic trophies?”
11. “I heard Real Madrid’s transfer strategy involves a magic eight ball.”
Use this line as a teasing way of suggesting that the club, known for its glamorous and successful transfers, might be resorting to a bit of magic or luck rather than strategic thinking.
It means you’re implying that the club’s transfer decisions might be more of a gamble than a carefully calculated strategy.
- “I heard Real Madrid picks their new players by spinning a roulette wheel!”
- “Is it true Real Madrid decides transfers with rock-paper-scissors?”
12. “I’ve seen better comebacks in a PowerPoint presentation.”
Compare the excitement of a thrilling soccer match to something as dull as an office slideshow. Real Madrid fans love the drama and excitement of their team making incredible comebacks.
So this line is a cheeky way of teasing them, making their favourite team’s achievements sound as unimpressive as a dull office task.
- “I’ve seen more excitement in a bedtime story than in Real Madrid’s comebacks.”
13. “Is Real Madrid’s strategy to bore the opponents to death?”
Tell them their strategy is boring. It’s not just a criticism; it’s like saying their team is a total snooze-fest.
Real Madrid is known for its dazzling moments, and saying they’re dull is like telling a gamer their favourite game is as fun as staring at a wall.
To them, calling Real Madrid boring is like saying pizza is tasteless – they won’t let it slide without a lively argument!
- “Is your team’s game plan to make everyone yawn?”
14. “Real Madrid’s attack is like a bad Tinder date – lots of buildup, no finish.”
Tease the fans about their unfulfilled expectations during a game. Calling Real Madrid’s attack a “bad Tinder date” is like saying their matches are filled with thrilling moments but end in frustration, much like a date that promises a lot but leaves you wanting more.
It’s a playful way of poking fun at the team’s performance.
- Real Madrid’s attack is like a story with a great beginning but a disappointing ending – all build-up, no grand finale.
- Watching Real Madrid play is like having a delicious meal without dessert – lots of flavour at first, but it leaves you craving that sweet finish.
15. “I didn’t know Real Madrid had a youth academy for referees.”
Hint: Real Madrid has an unfair advantage in matches. It’s a lighthearted way of teasing them about their team’s success and the occasional controversies that surround their games due to referee decisions.
16. “The only team where their players use Google Maps to find the goalpost”
Passionate fans will see this line as a tease because it suggests that, just for a moment, Antonio, Dani, Nacho, and even Alaba might not be as flawless as they seem.
It’s not meant to be mean; it’s more like a friendly joke, making fun of the idea that Real Madrid players are always perfect and never make mistakes.
- “Do Real Madrid players need GPS to score goals?”
- “Imagine Real Madrid stars using Google Maps to spot the goal. Lost much?”
17. “Real Madrid fans must have shares in tissue companies with all those tears.”
It’s not just about the wins and losses; it’s about the emotional rollercoaster that comes with being a fan.
Use this remark to playfully suggest that Real Madrid supporters go through so many emotions that they’re keeping the tissue industry in business.
It’s a hilarious roast, but it might sting a bit for someone who takes their team loyalty very seriously.
- “Do Real Madrid fans own shares in tissue companies? Their emotions could be a market all on their own!”
18. “Not even the VAR can tell why Real Madrid play like amateurs.”
The use of “amateurs” suggests a level of play that’s way below what’s expected from a top-tier team like Real Madrid.
So, it’s a clever and indirect way of pointing out a disappointing performance and poking fun at the idea that even advanced technology can’t make sense of it.
For a devoted Real Madrid fan, it’s like a playful dig at their team’s reputation, suggesting that the performance was so off-kilter that even the usually reliable VAR is left scratching its virtual head.
- “Even the tech wizards at VAR are shrugging at Real Madrid’s sudden amateur hour on the field.”
- “When Real Madrid plays like rookies, even VAR is left puzzled, wondering what soccer universe it stumbled into.”
19. “Is ‘winning the Champions League’ on Real Madrid’s bucket list?”
Asking this question isn’t just poking fun; it’s like playfully saying their team’s biggest ambition is just a minor thing.
And that, my friend, is a surefire way to ruffle the feathers of any devoted Real Madrid supporter.
20. “I’ve seen faster recoveries than Real Madrid’s attempts at a comeback.”
Mock their comeback legacy. You’re basically saying their current attempts are so pathetic that they make even the slowest recoveries look like Usain Bolt on his morning jog.
That’s like questioning a lion’s roar or a peacock’s feathers – it attacks their core identity.
- “Real Madrid’s comeback? More like a snail trying to outrun a salt shaker.”
- “Even my grandma’s arthritis recovers faster than Real Madrid’s attack.”