This article has the best sarcasm, witty statements, and insults to make a rude doctor burn with anger, read along to learn how to put a rude doctor in his place, in case anyone decides to come at you.
Here are 20 ways to insult a rude doctor
- With a mouth like that, you have taken more souls than you can save.
- You look like the exact disease, you are trying to save people from.
- You look like you are tired of saving a life, you should visit the psychiatric
- Are you the doctor around here, you look underpaid
- You look so desperate I had to tell mothers to keep eyes on their babies
- I am sure you didn’t say a word before you got the job, your mouth would have got you disqualified.
- Whenever you open that mouth I doubt how you got the certificate
- You talk too much to be a doctor, a stand-up comedian would have been better
- I had to peep in the morgue and concluded the only thing that would take me there was your mouth.
- You shouldn’t be the one saving life here, you are a walking zombie.
- Can’t stay all day listening to your crap. I had rather slipped comfortably into a coma.
- I would be shocked one day if you could say something intelligent and fit your profession.
- Anytime I want to get mad I come here, then you bring out the best insult in me.
- Your doctor is the only one I know to overdose on stupid pills.
- If I were to slap you, that would be considered animal abuse.
- Your mouth is the only thing working, your brain took the day off.
- Despite not being a proctologist, I can spot an asshole when I see one.
- Anytime you are not available or away on leave, sense and Wisdom prefer to do overtime here.
- After all is said, all I can say is if being foolish was a profession you would excel in it.
- You are the only doctor I know with legible handwriting and an exhaust pipe for mouth.
1. With a mouth like that, you have taken more souls than you can save.
Doctors are meant to be professionally calm and understanding, patients sometimes can be annoying based on the nature of their illness, or so many certain reasons why patients might be cranky.
It is expected of the doctor to correct them with patience and not with a foul mouth or decide to be rude.
Insult a rude doctor, who lacks patience and has a foul mouth this way:
- You have such horrible bedside manners, and that is why patients leave with more illnesses than when they arrived.
2. You look like the exact disease, you are trying to save people from.
Rude doctors can be so annoying and sometimes, you would prefer to be sick than meet one.
A rude doctor is going to give you an unnecessary headache, and stress, and also make you mad, the same way as any ailment would.
If there were drugs for your ailment, the only cure for such a doctor is this insult.
- The virus you pretend to cure is not as infectious as your lack of empathy.
3. You look like you are tired of saving a life, you should visit the psychiatrist’s hospital.
Doctors who can’t handle stress are the worst type to meet, when you are in pain and you need someone to talk to, they add extra pain that feels worse than the one you came with.
They lack understanding and calming words, all they have is just painkillers and love being paid.
Insult a raging doctor this way:
- There is nothing a medical degree can do, to cure the underlying condition of your lack of manners.
4. Are you the doctor around here, you look underpaid.
This is a direct, stinging insult for a short-tempered doctor, who has been putting a finger in everyone’s pie.
This is the perfect statement to describe his irritating attitude, the same way he looks.
Deliver more insults in this manner:
- If you are being paid for every time you pass rude comments to patients, you will be in league with Elon Musk.
5. You look so desperate I had to tell mothers to keep eyes on their babies
Doctors with bad attitudes always make you feel insecure, because they seem like someone who could do bad things.
This statement is to draw a speechless reaction from them. It is not like they are capable of stealing babies, but we can’t let them eat their cake and have it.
- I would have preferred a nap in the morgue than feel safe, around a walking epidemic like you.
6. I am sure you didn’t say a word before you got the job, your mouth would have got you disqualified.
Doctors with foul mouths can be so annoying and make you think about how they became professionals, with mouths like that and never got disqualified.
Being a doctor is more than just having a certificate, it is mostly about treating other people’s pain as yours, and understanding why they can be cranky and bitter.
Insult your doctor who has a big mouth in this manner:
- You must have gotten by without taking the medical school course “How to Treat Humans with Respect.”
7. Whenever you open that mouth I doubt how you got the certificate.
There is always a rising doubt or feeling a rude doctor could have been fake, graduated but not as a doctor, maybe he studied criminology and the pay wasn’t enough then he decided to be a doctor.
Everything about him doesn’t fit that profession as a doctor except his certificate.
Deliver this insult to put a leash on a rude doctor:
- Unfortunately, a course on fundamental human decency was absent from your medical degree.
8. You talk too much to be a doctor, a stand-up comedian would have been better.
Met a few professional doctors with calm and understanding attitudes, who listened more than talked, and had reassuring words you would be fine, that is what a doctor seems like.
Not a walking joke in a lab suit, who thinks he is an insulting challenge, and if he did, he just got paired with the wrong person he is about to be obliterated.
Deliver your insult in this manner:
- Your bedside manner serves as a wonderful reminder of why people would rather receive healing crystals, than your medical guidance.
9. I had to peep in the morgue and concluded the only thing that would take me there was your mouth.
Some patients are super sensitive, and every little negative word weighs them down.
They know how bad their ailments could be but all they need is positive, reassuring words because already they are psychologically affected.
Insult your doctor with a cold attitude this way:
- Your personality is as icy and clinical as an operating room—is that a medical diagnosis?
10. You shouldn’t be the one saving life here, you are a walking zombie
Some doctors lack human feeling and empathy, with a cold attitude toward everything.
They dish out painful remarks, and words like they are robots and don’t feel sorry for anyone, they appear dull, moody, and cold.
Today you came prepared, and won’t mind him running his mouth, because he will be taught a lesson.
Deliver your insult this way:
- Your condescending demeanor is a dead giveaway that you ought to think about changing careers, maybe becoming a reclusive recluse.
11. Can’t stay all day listening to your crap. I had rather slipped comfortably into a coma.
This insult is a silencer to a doctor who talks more than working, is mostly grumpy, and won’t listen to how you feel, instead concludes for you, which is mostly wrong and annoying, and gets furious because he thought he has more experience in everything.
Motivate him to be calm, next time you meet with this insult :
- Your rudeness is like a shot that stings forever but has no medical use.
12. I would be shocked one day if you could say something intelligent and fit your profession.
Having a certificate, or being employed as a doctor doesn’t make you extremely intelligent. Doctors don’t stop listening and reading to stay ahead of their patients, that way they can relate when a patient comes in with a different ailment, and it won’t be a shock.
Most doctors just assume all cases look different but have a similar approach, and feel wronged when the patient feels they are not in line with their explanation.
- Am sure anytime you say something intelligent once or twice a year, you celebrate it because It is a shocking experience for you.
13. Anytime I want to get mad I come here, then you bring out the best insult in me.
Not everyone loves to stay in a hospital environment. The smell, the sight of blood, and the worries of facing rude doctors and nurses who seem tired of saving lives can be stressful.
But since you don’t plan on changing your hospital soon, you must be prepared to dish out insults that will keep them mute and obedient till you leave.
Dish out hot insult, to ascertain your dominance this way:
- The person who gave you this job has a plan to start a coffin business afterward. With your attitude, there will be more corps than patients in a few weeks.
14. Your doctor is the only one I know to overdose on stupid pills.
Sometimes doctors go too far and overstep their boundaries, and you have to remind them they get paid because you fall sick.
And without the patients, some of them will be on the street saving nothing but themselves. After thanking the government they should thank the patient.
- You should stop taking expired morphine, soon you will feel no pain but become the pain in all our asses.
15. If I were to slap you, that would be considered animal abuse.
This is just the perfect insult to a doctor who is always tense and seems tired of the job, but you weren’t the one who gave him the job so he should deal with it.
This is like adding salt to a wound, I hope he likes it because he deserves every sting.
- You are a rare human species, I am sure the government kept you here because your kind is endangered and facing extinction.
16. Your mouth is the only thing working, your brain took the day off.
When rude doctors get angry they tend to say too much and only keep quiet, if they are faced with their match.
This is a challenge you have been waiting for, with this statement there is no comeback, especially when delivered in the hall and not the doctor’s office.
- It is evident from your rudeness that your emotional intelligence is seriously lacking.
17. Despite not being a proctologist, I can spot an asshole when I see one.
Most rude doctors are a pain in the butt, you can try as much to ignore them, but they will still serve you their hot sauce someday.
Ignoring won’t save your neck when all you need to do is prepare and be the time bomb that explodes before the countdown is over.
Deliver your insult this way:
- If your first name is Kent the tour middle name must be “Asshole.”
18. Anytime you are not available or away on leave, sense and Wisdom prefer to do overtime here.
The hospital feels safer when the rude doctor is not around, especially if you have kept him in his place once, do expect a comeback, and you need to prepare because it won’t be long before the peace that has reigned for too long, decides to give space for little violence.
Deliver your insult this way, in case of a possible comeback:
- Regretfully, your self-importance and demeanor seem to occupy more space than your medical knowledge.
19. After all is said, all I can say is if being foolish was a profession you would excel in it.
This is the perfect insult to break and cause silence, it is a structured insult laced with dark humor, it is the end to all anything called peace between you and the rude doctor.
There might never be a comeback, but this definitely will shake him to his core.
Deliver your insult this way:
- If foolishness was hiring, I couldn’t think of a more suitable candidate than you.
20. You are the only doctor I know with legible handwriting and an exhaust pipe for mouth.
Most doctors don’t have legible handwriting, they write in such a way that you don’t understand what has been written, including the prescriptions.
So, a doctor with legible handwriting got the wrong job, and having a bad mouth is a compliment to him. So let’s burn him with this insult immediately after he oversteps his boundaries.
- If your mouth was replaced with your asshole, it will still be difficult to hold this much bullshit in.