20 Funny Roasts for a German

Funny Roasts for a German

If you wish to roast a German, there are certain things you need to know about them. One, Germans have strong ethics and a culture of efficiency. They are also very serious and no-nonsense people.

Another stereotype about the Germans is that they are very punctual and don’t like to be late. These are a few of the serious facts about the Germans.

However, the ones that catch my fancy are the fun facts about them. Germans love drinking beer. I can’t emphasize the love Germany has for beers.

They really love it. And oh, asparagus. The white vegetables. Germans can sell their grandmothers for a bowl of asparagus…

Now that you have an idea of the unique lifestyle of our German brothers, I will be dishing out 20 funny roasts for a German.

You don’t need to be scared to use them, Germans have a great sense of humor and they enjoy a good laugh.

Ready? Let’s get started!

Table of Contents

1. Germans are known for their efficiency but you still haven’t gotten ” Best Employee of the Year” for a decade now.

You are sitting with a German and he is bragging about his country to you? Well, take an unexpected swerve at him using this statement to prick him.

Very effective when you know they are not even a good representation of the fact they claimed.

Agreeing to the fact and further creating a joke around it makes it more hilarious and taunting for the German person.

2. The Germans are known for their precision. Too bad you can’t seem to find your way out of your own country.

Assuming you are in a hangout with a group of friends in Germany and they won’t bragging about their country to you; well the roast above can shut them up for a moment and at the same draw out laughter from everyone. 

3. I bet you’re from Germany because you sure do know how to make a romantic situation look like a mishap.

This is for your German friend who doesn’t know how to properly deal with a woman. So he has come to you telling you of another failed relationship and he is expecting you to sympathize with him.

Shock him with this roast above. This roast is a good one to tease your sad German friend and is also capable of drawing smiles from him.

4. I heard that Germans love order and discipline. Too bad it doesn’t extend to your infidelity.

When I look at Germans and the good qualities they possess, I do laugh because these good qualities can easily be tweaked to deliver a good roast for them. A good roast that is capable of burning them.

So the next time they would stop blabbing about themselves, just taunt them with the roast above and watch a German droop in shame.

5. You must be from Germany because you sure do know how to take a simple phrase like ‘I love you’ and turn it into a five-page essay.

Another sassy joke on the complexity and rigidity of a German.

People from Germany are known to be very serious and no-nonsense individuals and the joke assumes that it may affect their love life too; hence formality even in the shown of affection.

6. I heard the Germans are known for their engineering. Too bad you don’t still have a good family structure.

A German is talking with pride about their exceptional constructions and roads, and you can see the glints of pride as they talk, well I have a pride-deflating roast for them if they happen to have been going through a marital crisis.

Just wait for them to finish talking then fire them with this scorching roast.

7. I bet you’re from Germany because you sure do know how to make even the simplest jokes sound like a complex philosophical argument.

Funny Roasts for a German

A German brags about his wit and sense of humor but he says a joke and it looks like one of Hitler’s speeches; discard him from the stage with this hot jab that is capable of making them sweat in their palms.

8. So I heard you go to school to learn how to pack a suitcase because you are obsessed with efficiency.

Here is another joke to make around the Germans’ stereotypes.  Germans are known for their precision and efficiency, and from this fact comes the sarcasm.

This sarcasm is suitable for use in a word banter with a German and as such can elicit a burst of good laughter from your audience.

9. I heard the Germans are known for their discipline. Too bad yours doesn’t extend to your dancing skills.

Roast your German buddy with their fact and their embarrassing moment to create a masterpiece. Saying their discipline doesn’t affect the way they dance shows they have a disgracing step that can be embarrassing. 

This is certain to sting your German buddy to an extent.

10. You don’t have a Granny but you never told me you sold her for a spoon of asparagus.

Ah! This is one I find very funny. Germans love asparagus and they don’t joke with their “white Gold” vegetable. One way to piss off a German is you denying their asparagus because they attach so much importance to it.

Jokingly, people tease the Germans that when it comes to asparagus, they can sell anything precious to have it.

Use this hot savage to poke fun at your German pal and throw all into laughter.

11. Germans have a strong sense of humor but in your case, your jokes have never made us laugh.

This joke is for the 1% bastard of Germans, the ones that come from a country saddled with humor but still can’t make anyone laugh with their jokes.

This is best used when you are in an evening gathering of different people.

12. You brag about your punctuality but you have never come early to work.

Germans have a lot of good qualities and one of them is that they are known to be punctual people, however, this might not apply to all of them because of different social and psychological backgrounds.

If a Getman is trying to get to you with a general opinion, show him who the bigger boss is by picking out his personal bad qualities. This is capable of storing them hard and making them mute.

13. You guys brag about discipline. Too bad it doesn’t apply to your intake of beers.

Funny Roasts for a German

Our German fellows brag about discipline a lot but when it comes to drinking beer, they have no morals at all. Germans love taking beer and even have an open celebration that takes two weeks where they consume even more quantity of beer.

So when next German brags about discipline, draw his attention to his lack of morals when it comes to taking beers, using this roast.

14. Ain’t sitting with Nazi folks that can start World War III over a pizza.

Before I proceed I need to warn you that this joke isn’t for a random German as it is likely to annoy them but you can use it for someone you know, like a friend. This joke can be used to tease them and also draw laughter from them. 

Make it more hilarious by pretending to not want to sit with them then say the roast above. This will make your German friend laugh heartily.

15. Why do the German eyes bulge out? Because of long stares.

If you are not comfortable with your outfit, please I beg you don’t step on the street of Germany because the Germans will bore a hole in your skin with their stares.

Even those who are comfortable complain of the deep long stares of the Germans. 

Use this roast to poke fun at a German with big eyeballs. By using this roast, you are implying that their big eyeballs are a result of the long deep stares they take.

16. I bet you’re from Germany because you sure do know how to make even the most mundane tasks sound like a military operation.

Here is another hot blow on German seriousness. If you have a friend who is always too serious with almost everything then this roast is suitable for them. 

17. I can’t differentiate German bread from the hard pillow I disposed of yesterday.

Another hilarious roast to poke fun at a German. Germany’s bread is very hard and the amusing thing is they still boast of their hard bread. 

If a German tries to boast of his country’s bread then tell him his country’s bread and your pillow look like they were both made from the same materials. This will surely get to them, I can bet you.

18. Of course, you are a German, you sure do have a unique way of expressing affection, and by unique, I mean not very affectionate at all.

If you know of a German who is too formal and is not good at expressing their feelings then this roast is a good roast to use for them.

Just saying “Of course you are a German” is enough to piss them off, and to tease them further, use the complete statement. This will surely poke fun at them.

19. I don’t mingle with people that half their countrymen are Sitzpinklers.

Funny Roasts for a German

Here is a relatable and classic one-liners to use for a German that will get to them. “Sitzpinklers” is a German word and it is used for certain men in Germany.

These kinds of men are those men who sit down to pee and they are referred to as “Sitzpinklers” in Germany.

20. Why did the mob kill the Germans? Before he could say “Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz, I didn’t steal the meat”. He was already killed.

An epic roast to meet a German. “Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz” is a German statement that means “No” in English.

This roast pokes fun at the lengthy word of German and the danger it can cause if you are in a state of emergency.

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