Jokes are a universal language that pokes fun at stereotypes and highlights people’s way of life.
For this article, I toured the Dutch people and their way of life and I realized there are plenty of clever jokes about the Netherlands.
It is easy to find something amusing to laugh at in the Netherlands, from their tall heights, to windmills to their obsession with bicycles, cheese, and tulips, comes the greatest of jokes to weld about them.
If you need to roast a Dutch person, this article will come in handy. I have compiled 20 humorous Dutch jokes in this post that are sure to make you smile.
Come with me as we explore the realm of Dutch humor and indulge in some good humor!
List of 20 Funny Roasts for a Dutch Person
- I heard you have more bikes than people in your country.
- There are more cheeses filled up in your brain than in the actual sense.
- Is it true that your national sport is expertly dodging raindrops?”
- Apart from being taller than anyone else, you lack common sense.
- Sorry, I don’t do guys that wear clogs.
- You only need a tulip to kiss a maiden in Dutch.
- I hear your national pastime is arguing about who invented the Santa Claus legend.
- Do you have a special bike lane radar to avoid tourists wandering into your path?
- How do you manage to pronounce ‘Scheveningen’ without twisting your tongue?
- Why are there no short people in Dutch? Because they were drowned in the flood
- In Dutch, you only need a tulip garden to marry a woman or even more. How cheap!
- How do you know a Dutch man just arrived at a place? His wooden shoes make a hell of a noise
- Only in Dutch, you will see a queue waiting for nothing. How very dumb they can be.
- Do you know how to woo a Dutch woman? Just get her father a windmill.
- Dutch dream in stroopwafels and hagelslag?
- Okay, I agree you are good at ‘spotting the tulip field’ in spring, but let’s see how it brings you out of this poor state.
- How many layers of clothing do you have to wear to survive a Dutch summer?
- I heard you have to do a ‘rain dance’ ritual to summon the sun.
- I heard Dutch people are born with a bicycle bell instead of a cry.
- Why did the Dutch bring a judge to the football field? To settle the score.
1. I heard you have more bikes than people in your country.
The people of Dutch are notorious for their love of bicycles and bikes, and they are always experts at a young age which is the foundation of this joke we are using to roast them.
Twisting the idea of the stereotypes to derive a scornful remark about a Dutch will surely be effective in roasting them.
- The censor called, they said two wheels instead of fingerprints appeared in half the figure that were counted in Dutch
2. There are more cheeses filled up in your brain than in the actual sense.
What other way to make a hilarious joke at a Dutch person other than carving out savage jokes from their food obsession?
The Netherlands is famous for its cheese, particularly Gouda and Edam, and jokes aside, they can have cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So this joke borrows from these facts to roast a Dutch.
Use this roast to savage and creatively tell a Dutch person they are senseless.
- The part where your senses should have been occupied has been filled with cheese.
3. Is it true that your national sport is expertly dodging raindrops?
Another joke crooned around Dutch weather. This joke borrows humor from their weather condition.
The country has a maritime climate, which means it experiences mild summers and cool winters with relatively high humidity and rainfall throughout the year.
Hence, they prepare grandly for the arrival of rain; extensive network of bike lanes, large purchase of umbrellas, waterproof clothing, and covered outdoor spaces.
By using this roast on a Dutch, you are creatively poking fun at their weather.
- In Dutch, as a foreigner, umbrellas are more important than your visa.
4. Apart from being taller than anyone else, you lack common sense.
A savage one-liner to piss off a Dutchman. The joke is on the heights of the Dutch people. Dutch people are among the tallest in the world which is the ingredient of this joke.
If a Dutch person tries to bully you with their height, be a greater bully by using these lines.
- The sense you should have had has been used for your growth spurt.
5. Sorry, I don’t do guys that wear clogs.
Ah! This one’s for the girls to use to roast a Dutchman who wouldn’t stop chasing them. The Dutch are known for a few iconic symbols, part of which is their clogs, a wooden shoe.
Try to ridicule the idea of wearing clogs in modern times using these lines to roast your admirers
- Nice wooden shoes but I don’t do guys with clogs.
6. You only need a tulip to kiss a maiden in Dutch.
Another iconic roast that will sting a Dutchman. The people of the Dutch are known for their unique culture, part of which includes their planting of tulips, and these tulips are cherished by them like it is gold.
Roasting a Dutch person that you can kiss a woman as long as you have tulips implies that the women are cheap there. It is a stage remark that will work well when you are in a roast duel with them.
- You only need tulips to get down with the Dutch women.
7. I hear your national pastime is arguing about who invented the Santa Claus legend.
This is a sarcastic line that will work in roasting a Dutch person. This joke borrows the idea from the stereotype of the Dutch people always debating on the invention of Santa Claus.
By saying this statement you are ridiculing them for being idle.
8. Do you have a special bike lane radar to avoid tourists wandering into your path?
Another joke to poke fun at the Dutch obsession with bikes. The joke uses exaggeration to portray the number of bikes moving on the street which may cause collisions.
Using this line sarcastically, A Dutch will get the gist and it will surely hit them.
- When on the streets of Dutch, you need eyes on the back of your head and a bike lane radar to survive!”
9. How do you manage to pronounce ‘Scheveningen’ without twisting your tongue?
Another interesting way to poke fun at a Dutch person is to tell them to pronounce a part of a place in the Netherlands called “Scheveningen”.
Scheveningen is a coastal district in The Hague, Netherlands, known for its beach and pier.
The word is a tongue twister itself and if you have a boring afternoon, tell a Dutch person to pronounce the word and watch being entertained by their attempt.
10. Why are there no short people in Dutch? Because they were drowned in the flood
Another subtle joke to tease a Dutch person. Dutch are known for their heights and they only have a fraction of short people.
By using this statement, you are making a light jest of them.
11. In Dutch, you only need a tulip garden to marry a woman or even more. How cheap!
Another roast that is suitable to use in a roast fight with a Dutch. As earlier stated, the Dutch value their tulip garden and see it as a unique blessing their land possesses.
Implying that you can marry off a Dutch with just a tulip garden is a hilarious way of saying they are cheap.
- Just have a tulip garden my buddy, and you can marry the Queen of Dutch.
12. How do you know a Dutch man just arrived at a place? His wooden shoes make a hell of a noise
Another interesting thing to say to get at a Dutch person is to poke fun at their love for wooden shoes. Saying that what they take pride in makes a hell of noise is a hilarious way to roast them.
- What led the thief to our hideouts? The Dutchman’s wooden shoes.
13. Only in Dutch you will see a queue waiting for nothing. How very dumb they can be.
Here is a silly joke to make about a Dutch person. Although I don’t know how true this is, but I heard that it is only in Dutch you will see a queue waiting for nothing.
Well, you can use this toast to portray how dumb people from the Dutch are and watch them green with a comeback.
- I’m now surprised you are dumb you come from a place where people have a queue for nothing.
14. Do you know how to woo a Dutch woman? Just get her father a windmill.
Another common thing you will find in Dutch
aside from tulips and cheese is a windmill. Implying that you could woo a woman if you get her father a windmill is a crafty joke that ridicules Dutch obsessions and interests.
- The way to a Dutch woman’s heart is buying her father a windmill.
15. Dutch dream in stroopwafels and hagelslag?
Another savage comment to pass on to a Dutch. Roast a Dutch that while others have big dreams all they do is dream in stroopwafels and hagelslag.
Stroopwafels are thin, crispy waffle cookies filled with caramel syrup. They are a beloved snack in the Netherlands and are often enjoyed with a cup of coffee or tea.
Hagelslag is chocolate sprinkles that are commonly used as a topping for bread and toast in the Netherlands.
Saying they dream in stroopwafels and hagelslag is a humorous way to ridicule their obsession.
16. Okay, I agree you are good at ‘spotting the tulip field’ in spring, but let’s see how it brings you out of this poor state.
Here is a roast for a Dutch person who brags about his knowledge of tulips. Telling them it can’t help their financial state is a quick move for them. It is more effective if they are truly not financially okay.
- Tell me how your knowledge of Tulips has helped you achieve seven figures.
17. How many layers of clothing do you have to wear to survive a Dutch summer?
“How many layers of clothing do you have to wear to survive a Dutch summer?” is another savage line to ditch a Dutch person for their weather.
Summer as opposed to being hot can be relatively cool in Dutch which makes it less ideal to be called summer.
Use this humorous statement to make a joke of Dutch unpredictable weather.
- I heard you guys wear cardigans and cloaks even in the summer period.
18. I heard you have to do a ‘rain dance’ ritual to summon the sun.
This is a terrestrial joke that will surely get at a Dutch person. It usually means frequently there and the idea that they do a ritual before the sun comes down is a sassy one-liner that stings them.
- I heard you sacrifice cows to Apollo, the God of the sun before you can see the sun shine.
19. I heard Dutch people are born with a bicycle bell instead of a cry.
This statement is a humorous exaggeration that plays on the stereotype of Dutch people’s strong affinity for cycling.
The Netherlands is known for its extensive network of bike lanes and the high rate of bicycle usage as a mode of transportation.
So the humor in this statement is that instead of the traditional cry babies make, Dutch infants are humorously imagined to announce their arrival with the sound of a bicycle bell, symbolizing their future participation in the cycling culture of the Netherlands…
20. Why did the Dutch bring a judge to the football field? To settle the score.
This is a wordplay used to make fun of the Dutch players and it implies that they are not good enough. You can use it to roast a Dutch footballer in a word banter.