It’s easy to piss off Chicago Bears Fans in the most hilarious way, and I’ll show you how.
Most times, when I’m out of my repartee juice, all I say to them is, “Sometimes I forget the Bears exist.” and I see them get so disgusted.
Sometimes, a simple roast punchline such as “just like a real bear, the Chicago Bears often do nothing during the winter” can get them burnt with no hope of a comeback.
Well, in all fairness, there are always some football jokes associated with EVERY NFL team. But the Chicago Bears ones will have your head rolling.
List of 20 Funny Roasts for Chicago Bears Fans
Here are the best funny roasts for Chicago Bears fans I’ve heard so far, and I’m sure you’d want to use them, too:
1. You know your team’s wrong when their mascot needs a translator to talk to the quarterbacks.
Diss the constant quarterback changes their team goes through. It’s like a never-ending carousel – one quarterback in, another one out.
The mascot needing a translator is just a funny way of highlighting the team’s quarterback troubles.
Bears fans are demanding, and this joke is just a lighthearted way of poking fun at the team’s quirks.
- Your team’s so mixed up; even the mascot needs help talking to the quarterbacks!”
- “Imagine this: the bear mascot can’t understand the quarterbacks without a translator – your team’s communication is like a comedy show!”
2. “Da Monsters of the Midway”? More like “Da Must-Sees of the Offseason.”
Belitte, their legacy, turns their fearsome Monsters into parade floats. It’s like calling the Colosseum a “neat antique stadium” or Excalibur a “fancy letter opener.”
For a Bears fan, the offseason isn’t a tourist attraction; it’s a sacred time for reflection, hope, and maybe, just maybe, a hint of optimism.
They’re not here for lukewarm Big Macs; they’re here for Chicago-style gut-busters.
- “Bears? It’s more like Barely Relevant in the Offseason.”
3. The only time your defense gets interceptions is when the cheerleaders throw their pom-poms in disgust.
Tell them the Bears’ defense only manages to catch the ball when the cheerleaders are so fed up that they toss their pom-poms away. The Bears take a lot of pride in their tough defense, which is known for making impressive interceptions.
So, this line is basically teasing them, saying their interceptions are so rare that it’s like saying the cheerleaders are giving up on cheering altogether.
- “Your defense is so bad; the only interceptions they get are from the cheerleaders tossing their pom-poms in frustration.”
- “Hey, Bears fans, wanna see a real interception? Watch the cheerleaders when they get tired of watching your defense!”
4. I don’t think we should call it a roast. Bear fans might get hungry
Use this witty line to joke that talking about roasting the Bears isn’t a good idea because their fans might think you mean burning, as in cooking like you’d burn a chicken or something.
This works because it suggests that the Bears aren’t just a football team to their fans; they’re something so extraordinary that it could make people hungry.
- “Let’s not call it a roast – Bears fans might start craving touchdowns for dinner!”
- “I wouldn’t call it a roast. Mentioning Bears and hunger in the same sentence might turn the game into a feast!”
5. How do you keep a Bear away from your campsite? Just name your camp the end zone, and they won’t go near it.
Make fun of the Chicago Bears’ struggles in reaching the end zone during football games.
The joke suggests that if you want to keep a bear away from your campsite, just call it the “end zone” because, according to the mark, the Chicago Bears rarely get to the end zone in football.
For a fan who loves the Bears, it’s like saying their team is more likely to be wandering around without scoring points, and the campsite reference adds a humorous touch.
- “How do you keep a Bear out of your picnic? Just call it the ‘end zone’ – they’ll never show up!”
- “Want a Bear-free zone? Rename your backyard the ‘end zone,’ and you’ll never see a Chicago Bear around!”
6. Bears are the king of the north! Unfortunately for them, it’s the wrong north.
Use this line to make them question if their team is really as dominant as they believe. It’s a light-hearted way of poking fun at their team allegiance, suggesting they might be a bit off in claiming the crown.
It’s a lively comment, but for a devoted fan, it’s a clever tease that might playfully bug them!
- “Hey Bears fans, your team’s ruling the north, but is it the right north?”
7. What’s the difference between a Chicago Bear and a vacuum cleaner? The vacuum cleaner eventually picks something up.
This is a playful way of saying the Bears struggle to achieve success. For a fan, it’s like saying their team can’t get its act together.
The insult works because it pokes fun at the fear every fan has – the fear of their team consistently letting them down.
It’s a teasing remark that makes the fans feel a bit uneasy and eager to defend their beloved team.
After all, no fan wants to hear that their loyalty to the Bears is like cheering for a team that can’t get a win, even against a vacuum cleaner!
- “Why are the Chicago Bears like a broken vacuum? They both struggle to pick anything up!”
8. Soldier Field has more ghosts than Lombardi trophies in your trophy case.
The roast here is that while Soldier Field has a lot of history, the Bears haven’t won as many of those top-tier trophies as some other teams.
So, it’s a cheeky way of saying, “You’ve got a lot of cool stories, but where are the big championship trophies?”
It’s football banter, and you can use it to get under a Bears fan’s skin by pointing out the gap between history and recent success.
- “Soldier Field’s got more stories than Lombardi trophies in your case – where’s the shiny hardware, Bears?”
9. Even Rex Grossman could throw further than your hopes this season.
Tell them their expectations for the Bears are seemingly lower than even the not-so-impressive achievements of Rex Grossman.
Use this line as a clever way of suggesting that their optimism might need a bit of a boost.
- “Even Rex Grossman’s passes had more airtime than your optimism for this Bears season!”
10. The only time your fans get excited is when the blimp flies over at halftime
Tell them their excitement level is so low that the only highlight is a blimp sighting. Football fans live for the action on the field, the cheers, and the epic moments.
By suggesting that a blimp flying over is the only thing that gets them excited, mock them with the idea that their team’s performances aren’t enough to keep them thrilled.
It’s a playful roast that’s sure to ruffle some feathers in the Bears fanbase!
- “Your fans only cheer when the halftime blimp floats by – like that’s the main event.”
- “The excitement level for your crew is like a blimp sighting during halftime – pretty rare.”
11. I used to feel bad for you guys, but then I remembered you cheered for Mike Ditka in a turtleneck.
Make fun of the idea that the Bears football hero, who’s usually seen as tough and rugged, could have had a moment of fashion confusion with a turtleneck.
The line messes with the balance between their pride in the Bears and the humorous thought of Ditka in a less-than-macho outfit.
- “I used to pity you Bears fans, but then I remembered you cheered for Mike Ditka in a turtleneck – tough on the field, but a bit shaky in the fashion end zone!”
- “Thought about feeling sorry for you Chicago Bears folks, then I remembered Ditka and his turtleneck game – gridiron hero meets questionable wardrobe, huh?”
12. Your offense is so predictable; even Jay Cutler knows the next play call before the huddle breaks.
Suggest that their team’s strategy is so obvious that even someone not actively playing anymore, like Jay Cutler, could figure it out effortlessly.
You can use this roast to poke fun at the frustration of having a team with a not-so-surprising playbook.
It’s a lighthearted tease that might make them feel a bit defensive about their team’s performance.
13. I guess it’s fitting your team wears orange – it matches the constant disappointment when they play.
The roast lies in connecting the team’s orange color to the frequent letdowns they experience in games.
By saying it’s “fitting,” you’re suggesting that the color choice isn’t just a style decision but almost like a symbol of the consistent frustration Bears fans endure.
It’s a playful way of pointing out that disappointment seems to be ingrained in the team’s identity, and even their color reflects that ongoing letdown.
- “Your team wears orange, right? It must be because they want to match the feeling of disappointment every game!”
- “I get it now – your team’s orange uniforms are like a fashion statement for constant letdowns on the field!”
14. Your best quarterback played in the 1940s. That’s also when your stadium was last updated.
Use this line to playfully suggest that their beloved Soldier Field hasn’t seen a fresh coat of paint since the 1940s. It’s a lighthearted way of hinting that their team’s home sweet home might need a little sprucing up.
- “Your star quarterback peaked in the 1940s, just like your stadium’s last makeover!”
- “The last time your team had a quarterback to brag about, people still thought shoulder pads were cutting-edge fashion. And speaking of outdated, when was the last time Soldier Field saw some renovations?”
15. The last time the Bears were relevant, dial-up internet was still a thing.
Compare the Bears’ glory days to the ancient times when the internet was super slow and annoying.
Use this witty line to tease the Bears fans by linking their team’s decline to a time when technology was crawling at a snail’s pace.
It’s a clever dig that brings together the frustration of slow internet and the longing for the Bears’ past success.
It’s a sly way of saying, “Your team hasn’t been great for a while.”
- “The Bears were still making headlines when people had to endure the agony of dial-up internet.”
- “Back in the Bears’ prime, we were all struggling with dial-up, not just the internet.”