A few years ago, if you had told a devoted SeaHawk fan that Russell Wilson visits the Seattle Children’s Hospital every Tuesday because it’s less depressing than being behind that line, they would get pissed off. It’s a total burn.
But a few things have changed since then, and the surefire way to piss off a SeaHawk fan has changed a little bit.
Ever since I stumbled on Comedian Sam Ellefson roasting Seahawks fans for having too much team pride, I became inspired to gather some of the best roast punchlines I hear about the Seattle football team.
Here are the absolutely best ones I’ve heard so far:
List of 20 Funny Roasts for Seahawks Fans
1. “Are the Seahawks a bakery? Because all they’ve got are turnovers.”
Compare them to a bakery that makes bad pastries. The comparison takes something positive (a bakery) and turns it into a humorous dig at the team’s performance, suggesting they’re serving up a menu of mistakes instead of victories.
For Seahawks fans, it’s a witty roast that might hit a little too close to home!
- “Are the Seahawks a pizza place? Because all they deliver is turnovers.”
- “Are the Seahawks a coffee shop? Because all they brew are turnovers.”
2. “Why do Seahawks fans make terrible detectives? They can’t seem to find a second Lombardi Trophy.”
It’s not just the lack of trophies; it’s the “can’t seem to find them” barb that stings. It implies incompetence like they’re searching for silverware with a blindfold on.
Seahawks fans don’t do “incompetent.” They do “passionate,” “loud,” and maybe a little “too invested in officiating calls.”
Reminding them of their one shining moment only to highlight the barren trophy case since it is like watching their highlight reel on mute. The joy is there, but the silence afterward…oof.
- “Seahawks fans? Detectives? They haven’t even found Russell Wilson’s replacement on the depth chart!”
3. “Forget hot dogs; the only thing on the grill at Lumen Field is Super Bowl dreams.”
Give them an identity attack. It’s not just the loss; it’s the how. Remember Malcolm Butler? Yeah, we prefer not to.
That interception haunts us in our sleep, so reminding us is like throwing salt on a paper cut. And don’t even get me started on the 49ers’ comeback in 2020. Okay, okay, maybe we just need therapy.
- “Seahawks fan? Did you hear about the new cooking show, ‘How to Blow a Lead in the Fourth Quarter’?”
4. “What’s the Seahawks’ favorite app? Insta-collapse.”
Mock their passion. To Seahawks fans, their team is family. This joke takes a jab at their loyalty and devotion, implying they’re weak and prone to meltdowns.
It’s like saying their love for the Seahawks is just a flimsy Instagram filter.
- “Seahawks fan joke? They’d probably drop it before the punchline.”
- “Insta-collapse? More like their whole season just faded into a filter.”
5.”I asked a Seahawks fan for directions. They said, ‘Sorry, we can’t hold onto leads.'”
Every team has trolls, and Seahawks fans know theirs. This joke becomes a touchdown pass for rival fans, a chance to boast about past failures.
It’s like giving your opponent the playbook before the game. So, go for it, roast away! But be prepared for some friendly fire. After all, a little ribbing is part of being a fan. Just don’t push it too far.
6. “What’s the Seahawks’ favorite movie? ‘The Longest Yardage.'”
Call them muscleheads. Seahawks fans love finesse, too; the precision throws from Wilson and the lockdown defense – they’re not just about racking up yards like a broken odometer.
Use this roast line to imply that they’d rather watch paint dry than a beautiful touchdown pass. Rude!
- “Seahawks fans love grit, not just yards. Roasting them about yardage is like telling a lion its favorite food is lettuce.”
- “Yardage joke with Seahawks fans? That’s like calling a ballerina ‘the best runner.'”
7. “What’s the Seahawks’ favorite dance move? The fumble shuffle.”
Bring up Salty memories of butterfingers. Remember the Legion of Boom? They’d eat quarterbacks for breakfast.
So, when you joke about fumbles, you’re basically saying their defense couldn’t tackle a toddler with a lollipop. That’s like challenging a lion to a staring contest – bad idea.
- Just admit it: your team secretly practices the fumble shuffle in the locker room!
8. “Miracle on 3rd and Long? Seahawks fans: Say my name, say my name. Hail Mary? Woah-oh-oh…'”
Mock their spirits with this classic line. Remember that insane win against the Cardinals in 2013? Or the “Beast Mode” run in 2014?
These are epic moments Seahawks fans relive on loop. By doubting their faith, you’re like poking at their football scars, asking if those remarkable comebacks were just lucky.
- “Seahawks fans: ‘We trust the process… mostly in the final two minutes.'”
9. “Seattle Seahawks? More like… Seattle Lamehawks”
Tell them their team is not excellent, almost like saying it’s as exciting as watching paint dry. This insult is not just calling the team lame, but it’s also making a clever play on words.
Saying this line in a crowd of Seahawks fans would likely upset them because it’s like poking fun at something they’re really passionate about.
- “Seattle Seahawks? More like… Seattle Sleepyhawks!”
- Seattle Seahawks? More like… Seattle Weakhawks!”
10. “Should we say Vikings stealing a chant from a soccer team is more terrific than the Seahawks stealing the 12th man from a college team.”
Take a direct hit on the Seahawks’ pride. This is like saying the Seahawks are copycats, swiping their iconic 12th Man idea from college football.
The 12th Man isn’t just a saying for them; it’s a symbol of their fans’ intense support. So, claiming they stole it would be like telling them their team spirit is fake.
11. “What’s the Seahawks’ favorite type of music? The turnover chain.”
Suggests that the SeaHawks’ theme song is the annoying sound of turnovers. This tease hits a nerve because it points out the times when your Seahawks didn’t quite live up to their soaring potential.
Use the line as a cheeky way of reminding fans about the moments when victory slipped through their paws. Ouch!
- “Why do the Seahawks love the turnover chain? Because it’s their go-to soundtrack for fumbling victories away!”
- “SeaHawks’ favorite music? Turnover chain tunes – making interceptions sound like their theme song!”
12. “Seahawks fan use notepad to sketch out a winning strategy when the team is failing”
Imagine that the team is so bad they might need to draw up a winning play on the spot as if they don’t have a good plan in the first place.
This kind of roast could be funny, but it might also annoy a Seahawks fan because it teases the team’s perceived lack of success and strategic thinking.
It’s a playful zinger that suggests the team is always on the verge of needing a last-minute sketch to secure a win.
- “Why did the Seahawks fan bring a pen to the game? Just in case they needed to rewrite their playbook mid-match!”
13. “The Seahawk’s defense collapsed faster than the World Trade Centers.”
Take a real-life tragedy and use it to make the loss of the sport seem even worse. This kind of comment goes way beyond playful teasing.
For a Seahawks fan, it’s not just about the football job anymore. It feels like a personal attack, bringing up a painful and severe event to mock their team.
- “The Seahawk’s defense fell apart faster than a house of cards in a hurricane.”
14. “I have a joke about the Seahawks, but most Seahawks fans aren’t old enough to understand the reference.”
It’s a double whammy – making the person feel both young and inexperienced in the world of Seahawks fandom.
So, it’s not just a light-hearted roast; you can use the line as a sly dig that leaves the fan feeling a bit left out and maybe even a tad defensive about their Seahawks pride.
- “I’ve got a Seahawks joke, but it’s probably too old-school for you to catch, little rookie fan.”
- “I’d share a Seahawks joke, but I’m afraid it might sail over your head like a Wilson pass – you know before you started watching football.”
15. “Jet fuel could melt Wilson’s chastity belt.”
Use this sarcasm line. Russell Wilson, the Seahawks’ golden boy, is like a mythical superhero with an unbreakable shield – his chastity belt.
It’s a symbol of his loyalty, his Seattle-ness, his whole “can’t-touch-this” aura. That line is basically a verbal middle finger dipped in blue and green paint.
Use it wisely because the Seahawks are going to come for you like a pack of hungry orcas!
- “12th Man? More like 12 melty chastity belts!”
16. “I asked a Seahawks fan if they believe in fairy tales. They said, ‘Yeah, but ours usually end in heartbreak.'”
Use this assumed conversation to kick them when they’re down. Seahawks fans are notorious for their 12th Man spirit, a fiercely loyal fanbase that believes in their team even when the odds are stacked against them.
By implying they believe in “fairy tales,” you’re basically calling them delusional optimists clinging to false hope.
That’s like telling a Viking they should trade their longship for a rowboat – not going to end well.
- “Seahawks fans and fairytales? Yeah, right, more like nightmares!”
- “Hey, Seahawks fan, heard your team’s switching mascots from a Hawk to a heartbroken prince. Makes sense!”
17. “What do Seahawks fans and magicians have in common? They both know how to make a lead disappear.”
Compare them to a magician. For a Seahawks fan, it’s a playful tease, but it might also make them a bit upset because it’s pointing out that sometimes their team, despite having a lead in the game, ends up losing it.
- “Why are Seahawks fans like magicians? Because they can make a lead disappear faster than a magic trick!”
- “Seahawks fans and magicians have something in common – they both know how to turn a lead into a disappearing act!”
18. “Why don’t the Seahawks go to the beach? They’re afraid of getting swept.”
This dig hits where it hurts. First, it’s like saying the rugged and mighty Seahawks are scared of something as harmless as the beach – a total mismatch with their fierce football image.
The word “swept” is a double whammy, poking fun at the team’s potential for getting defeated.
- “Why don’t the Seahawks hit the beach? They’re worried about the waves tackling them!”
- “Seahawks at the beach? No, they’re scared of a little friendly ‘sweep’ from the ocean!”
19. “I have tinnitus thanks to your stadium.”
Use this sly dig to poke fun at how boisterous Seahawks games can get, with fans famously known as the “12th Man” creating a deafening roar.
You’re roasting them by making their enthusiasm sound like a rowdy rock concert that left you with a ringing in your ears.
It’s a cheeky way of saying their team spirit is so intense that it might come with an unintended side effect.
- “Your team’s cheers are so loud, I’ve got a constant ring in my ears – thanks, Seahawks!”
- “Seahawks fans, your stadium’s noise gave me Tinnitus. Your cheers are louder than a rock concert!”
20. “You know how I know you like the Seahawks? Because you listen to Coldplay.”
The statement reeks of stereotyping. It’s like saying all rockstars wear leather pants, and all football fans guzzle cheap beer.
Seahawks fans are a diverse bunch, united by their love for the Hawks, not a shared taste in beige music.
To lump them with Coldplay is like comparing a perfectly grilled burger to a tofu patty.
- “You’re a Seahawks fan? Must be because you groove to Coldplay – nothing says ‘football frenzy’ like a serene sing-along.”
- “Seahawks and Coldplay? Interesting combo. It’s like cheering for a tornado while sipping chamomile tea.”