Living in the era of free speech has us battling a persistent downside: trash talking.
At first trash talkers were people we had to deal with in the school playground, at the supermarket counter, or at town hall meetings, etc.
We now have to deal with trash talkers everyday on the internet. The ones on social media platforms are the worst.
If you have been bullied by trash talkers, fret no more. This article comes with 20 weapons of choice for your retort arsenal.
Dig in.
20 Good Roasts for Trash Talkers
1. If trash talking burned calories, you’d be a supermodel by now.
This reply cleverly implies that the person talks so much trash that if it had any physical effect, they would be in exceptional shape.
To use this roast on social media, check the person’s picture to see if they need the gym. Then follow up with the roast.
Trash talk: “You’re so slow, a snail could beat you in a race.”
You: “If trash talking burned calories, you’d be a supermodel by now.”
2. I would roast you back, but I don’t want to add to your already inflated ego.
This response suggests that the person’s ego is already so big that adding any more attention to them would only make it worse.
It also suggests that the person’s problem is out of control, and they can’t be helped.
Showing someone their problem can’t be helped is one of the most powerful ways to signal decadence.
Trash talk: “You’re not even worth my time.”
You: “I would roast you back, but I don’t want to add to your already inflated ego.”
3. Is that the best you’ve got? I’ve heard scarier threats from a kitten.
This reply humorously downplays the effectiveness of the trash talk, comparing it to something harmless and non-threatening.
Comparing the person’s trash talk to the threat of kittens is what blows things out of the water for the talker. At that point if the person is able to process the comparison, they should shut up.
Trash talk: “I’ll destroy you in the next game, just wait and see.”
You: Is that the best you’ve got? I’ve heard scarier threats from a kitten.
4. Your words sting about as much as a fly hitting a windshield.
This retort diminishes the impact of the trash talk by comparing it to something insignificant and easily dismissible. Use this trash talk when the person does the talking offline.
This reply stings. By comparing the effect of the trash talk to a fly hitting a windshield, this roast renders them harmless. This roast will also be legendary on a comment section on social media.
Trash talk: “You’re so weak, I could knock you out with a feather.”
You: Your words sting about as much as a fly hitting a windshield.
5. I’m sorry, I don’t speak nonsense. Could you repeat that in a language I understand?
This roast suggests that the trash talk is so illogical or nonsensical that it’s difficult to comprehend.
Calling the trash talk nonsense, a language only the trash talker speaks, is one good way to roast someone.
This leaves the person confused for a bit and others who hear it applauding the beautiful roast.
Trash talk: “You’re as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagna.”
You: “I’m sorry, I don’t speak nonsense. Could you repeat that in a language I understand?”
6. Did you rehearse that insult in the mirror this morning, or did it just come to you naturally?
This reply sarcastically implies that the trash talk is so basic or rehearsed that it seems like the person practiced it beforehand.
Also, this roast makes light of whatever the person has said, rehearsed or not. It takes the wind out of the person’s sails, making them feel defeated.
Trash talk: “You’re a failure at everything you do.”
You: “Did you rehearse that insult in the mirror this morning, or did it just come to you naturally?”
7. I see your mouth keeps running. Maybe you should start charging it rent.
This roast suggests that the person talks so much that their mouth could be considered a tenant, highlighting their incessant chatter.
This roast is for that person at the office, school, who can’t stop trash talking at you. It’s as though they signed a contract to this for a fee.
Speaking of the person’s mouth this way is one beautiful way to deflect their power.
Trash talk: You’re so slow, you’d lose a race against a tortoise.
You: “I see your mouth keeps running. Maybe you should start charging it rent.”
8. Congratulations, your words have officially reached the level of background noise.
This response dismisses the significance of the trash talk, likening it to unimportant background chatter.
How would a person feel if everything they say is perceived as background chatter? Darn it.
This roast is capable of sending your adversary into depression if used effectively.
Trash talk: “You’re so weak, you couldn’t lift a pencil.”
You: “Congratulations, your words have officially reached the level of background noise.”
9. I’ll add your trash talk to the list of things I ignore, right below ‘dull scissors’ and ‘cold soup’.
We are turning things up a notch with this one. Giving the trash talker back in his own coin. This one is for the comment sections, stuff of legends. Worthy of being turned into a meme.
This one humorously implies that the trash talk is as insignificant and uninteresting as dull scissors or cold soup.
Trash talk: “You’re such a loser, you probably sleep in a hammock.”
You: “I’ll add your trash talk to the list of things I ignore, right below ‘dull scissors’ and ‘cold soup’.”
10. Wow, I didn’t realize they made ‘generic insults for dummies’ into an audiobook.
This retort suggests that the trash talk is so unoriginal and uninspired that it could be found in a beginner’s guide to insults. It also suggests that you are legendary with trash talk if you wished to get it on.
But you’re a better version of the veterans in that field. You’re probably retired too.
Trash talk: “You’re so predictable, I could write a book about how boring you are.”
You: “Wow, I didn’t realize they made ‘generic insults for dummies’ into an audiobook.”
11. I’m allergic to mediocrity, so please, spare me your underwhelming attempts at insult.
This roast implies that the trash talk is so mediocre that it’s intolerable, likening it to something one would want to avoid due to an allergy.
This is for comment sections too. If you want to keep things civil but salty, use this. The trash talker is bound to keep his distance next time.
Trash talk: “You’re so unoriginal, you probably copy-paste your insults.”
You: “I’m allergic to mediocrity, so please, spare me your underwhelming attempts at insult.”
12. Your insults are like expired milk—sour and best left untouched.
This retort compares the negativity of the trash talk to expired milk, suggesting that it’s unpleasant and should be avoided.
This roast will sound good spoken to a trash talker who’s been having a good time putting others down.
Says it with confidence, and a proud pout.
Trash talk: “You’re so forgettable, people need a GPS to remember your name.”
You: “Your insults are like expired milk—sour and best left untouched.”
13. I’d respond to your insults, but I’m not fluent in gibberish.
This reply implies that the trash talk is so nonsensical or incoherent that it’s difficult to understand or take seriously. Yes, even if the trash talker did score a good point.
In the game of roasting, you accept no defeat. You come back with something even more acidic.
Trash talk: “You’re so clumsy, you probably trip over your own shoelaces.”
You: “I’d respond to your insults, but I’m not fluent in gibberish.”
14. Your words have about as much impact as a feather in a hurricane.
This reply suggests that the trash talk is so feeble or insignificant that it’s easily overshadowed or ignored. And if you were to reply with the same energy, your words will drown his trash talk.
The trash talker can either decide to stay and feel the heat or quietly walk away.
Trash talk: “You’re so unimpressive, even a goldfish has a longer attention span.”
You: “Your words have about as much impact as a feather in a hurricane.”
15. Your insults are about as sharp as a beach ball.
This retort means that the trash talk lacks wit or sharpness, likening it to something inherently dull. The lameness of the trash talk is compared to a beach ball.
Beach balls are meant only for beaches. Anywhere else and they become so useless.
Trash talk: “You’re so bland, you make plain toast seem exciting.”
You: “Your insults are about as sharp as a beach ball.”
16. I’ve seen scarier things written on kindergarten art projects.
This comeback diminishes the impact of the trash talk by suggesting that it’s so mild or harmless that even children’s drawings are more intimidating.
This one is apt for physical trash talkers who threaten violence too. Shut a bully up with this roast, in school or online.
Trash talk: “You’re so uncool, you probably still use a flip phone.”
You: “I’ve seen scarier things written on kindergarten art projects.”
17. If I wanted to hear garbage, I’d visit the dump.
This roast dismisses the trash talk as worthless or unimportant, comparing it to something one would encounter in a literal dump.
But in his case, you’d rather visit the dump than take his trash. This is lovely because it tells the trash talker his words are literally trash.
Trash talk: “You’re so dim, you probably need a flashlight to find your way out of a paper bag.”
You: “If I wanted to hear garbage, I’d visit the dump.”
18. Your insults are like a broken record—repetitive and annoying.
This retort suggests that the trash talk is so repetitive that it’s akin to a broken record, playing the same irritating tune over and over again.
This one is for the bickering trash talker at work who hates you for no reason. His past time is trash talking about you, or trash talking at you.
The beautiful thing about this roast is how it dismisses everything the person says. You have to deliver this with as much enthusiasm as you reserve for a book you’re never going to read, ever.
Trash talk: “You’re so unoriginal, you probably think memes are a form of high art.”
You: “Your insults are like a broken record—repetitive and annoying.”
19. I’ve encountered more creativity in a blank sheet of paper.
This roast implies that the trash talk lacks originality or creativity, comparing it unfavorably to something as simple as a blank piece of paper.
Thia savage roast will have everyone laughing. Everyone except the trash talker. Use this roast as a reply to whatever the talker says.
It doesn’t matter if the person has gotten applauses from trash talking to you. It’s a short, powerful statement of finality.
Trash talk: “You’re so dull, you make watching paint dry seem like a thrilling adventure.”
You: “I’ve encountered more creativity in a blank sheet of paper.”
20. You’re like a broken pencil—pointless and constantly in need of sharpening.
This retort suggests that the trash talk is ineffective and in need of improvement, likening it to a broken pencil that serves no purpose.
Wait till the trash talker has stopped talking to drop this bombshell of a roast. The power of this roast is in its simplicity. The word picture is appalling.
Trash talk: “You’re so forgettable, even your shadow can’t keep track of you.”
You: “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless and constantly in need of sharpening.”
Final Thoughts
Responding to a trash talker can now be fun for you with this list of roasts. Trash talkers reply on hard hitting words.
They also rely on number of words—they’ll try to put talk you. They’ll get the support of others, relying on a gang up to achieve victory in a word tussle.
With this 20 roasts, you can deliver hard hitting one liners and word plays that shoots everything the trash talker brings out of the water.