The military is doing great for the nation, fighting and defending the country. However, when most people think of the military, they think of hard men and women who don’t have any ounce of compassion or a sense of humor.
But, who says the military guys can’t take a joke? In this article, you’ll find a list of interesting one-liners you can use to roast your military friend.
From practical jokes these guys can relate to to creative puns that’ll leave anyone in stitches, these punchlines cut across experiences in the military to perceived thoughts people have about them.
So, whether you’re part of them or not, don’t hesitate to throw these harmless jokes and insults at them when you can.
20 Playful Roasts for Military Guys
To roast military guys is not difficult. You just have to think of these people as human first before any other thing. This will help you relate more with them.
However, remember it’s all for fun and it’s not everything or everyone you joke with.
Some exciting one-liners to try include: “Do you ever get horny on the battlefield?” “Why don’t you ever find a Will in the army? Because they fire at him,” and “Why does it take time for an army officer to get married? They spend time learning the rules of engagement.”
Here are 20 funny lines for military guys:
- What is your last thought when you think you’re about to die?
- I know why the military man refused to reveal his rank. It’s private
- What month do military guys hate? March
- Where do baby soldiers belong in the army? The infantry
- I never trust the Army, it means “a recruiter misled you”
- What do sailors say to each other when they encounter an issue? We’re in the same boat
- I thought you needed to be in physically good condition before you’re recruited as a military personnel.
- Who forced you to join the army?
- I don’t trust these military men. They stare death in the eyes most of the time
- Do you ever get horny on the battlefield?
- Why was the colonel angry that his son Aced his math exam? Because he taught him to conquer and not to divide
- You’re a submarine captain yet you can’t keep your head above water
- What happens when an artist joins the military? He’ll keep drawing the enemy near
- What do you call the soldier who cleans toilets? Lieu(loo)tenant
- What’s that weird thing inside a naval woman? A marine
- Is it true they use a crowbar to separate boys from men in the Navy?
- I thought military men were cute. Wicked but cute
- Why does it take time for an army officer to get married? They spend time learning the rule of engagement
- Why don’t you ever find a Will in the army? Because they fire at him
- My friend joined the Turkish army because he hoped to get a free Turkey daily
What Is Your Last Thought When You Think You’re About to Die?
The military faces death during wars all the time. From defending to attacking, they may not even have the time to fear death.
So, you can use this line to joke with military personnel. This is a hilarious joke they can relate to because of course, people usually have a last thought when they think closing their eyes is death.
- What is your last thought when you think you’re about to die? Do you think of the women you planned to sleep with?
- Do you think of your sins before slipping out of consciousness on the battlefield?
I Know Why the Military Man Refused to Reveal His Rank. It’s Private
Private is the lowest military rank, and so it is natural to assume that not many may be willing to reveal this rank.
So, this is a funny joke you can throw at a military person. It’s a play on words they’ll surely relate to.
- The military man refused to reveal his rank, he claimed it was Private
- The soldier won’t tell you his position. It’s Private, you know
What Month Do Military Guys Hate? March
This is another hilarious pun you can use to poke fun at military personnel.
Of course, matching can’t be fun all the time, and surely some military persons don’t enjoy it. So, you can use this line to make fun of them, implying they don’t like to match. They won’t miss the joke.
Where Do Baby Soldiers Belong in the Army? The Infantry
The infantry are types of soldiers trained to fight on foot. So, this is another hilarious play on words a military person will enjoy.
Also, it is a funny way to insult the infantry calling them babies. It’ll work well during a roast battle. They’ll surely get the joke.
- Which branch of the military accepts infants? The infantry
- Why did the army recruiter go to the nursery? To find more babies for the infantry
I Never Trust the Army, It Means “A Recruiter Misled You
This is another funny way to throw shade at the military.
This line makes fun of the army, accusing them of misleading people. It’s a savage line to use during a roast duel or to make fun of an army officer who tries to recruit you.
- And why should I trust you? Haven’t you heard of ” A recruiter misled you?”
- I shouldn’t listen to you, Officer. You just want to mislead me
What Do Sailors Say to Each Other When They Encounter an Issue? We’re in the Same Boat
Another thing to say to make fun of a military guy is to refer to the sailors’ experience in the sea.
Using this line to tease them implies that they don’t act bothered when they encounter a problem at sea. It’s a humorous play on words they can relate to.
I Thought You Needed to Be in Physically Good Condition Before You’re Recruited as a Military Personnel.
Another interesting way to poke fun at a military guy is by suggesting that they’re not fit to be one.
This observation is a ridiculous one that’ll get everyone in laughter. It’s a stylish and humorous way to insult them.
Also, it’ll work well during a roast duel or when someone introduces themselves as military. They wouldn’t see this one coming.
- Wow! I’m surprised. I thought you need to look fit before they permit you to join the army
- Who allowed you into the army? Did they assess you well?
Who Forced You to Join the Army?
Another crazy question you can use to tease a military guy is asking them who forced them to join the army.
This is a funny question that suggests they don’t like their vocation or that they’re not fit to be in the army.
You should use this question during a roast duel or during a casual conversation to take them unawares.
- Who forced you to join the army? It seems like you don’t know what you’re doing
- Who forced you to join the army? You look scared
I Don’t Trust These Military Men. They Stare Death in the Eyes Most of the Times
Another thing you can use to make fun of a military guy is playfully referring to their experience on the battlefield.
Saying that you don’t trust them because they’ve come face to face with death severally is a funny way of expressing your dislike or disapproval.
Do You Ever Get Horny on the Battlefield?
Have you ever wondered how these military guys fare at war? There are countless sacrifices they make just to protect their nation.
So, you can playfully ask them this question to tease them. You would be surprised at the answers you’d get.
Why Was the Colonel Angry That His Son Aced His Math Exams? Because He Taught Him to Conquer and Not to Divide
This is another funny illustration you can draw to throw jabs at a military person.
Of course, the military is meant to conquer their enemies. So, this line hilariously points out their purpose to them.
You’re a Submarine Captain Yet You Can’t Keep Your Head Above Water
The submariners are warfare officers who work under the water. And of course, a captain should get more than enough pay.
So, this is another creative play on words that makes fun of a submarine captain, implying that with their high pay, they should be able to keep their heads above water. But, sadly they can’t.
- Why are you captain of the submarine if you can’t keep your head above water?
- Just what do you do with the money they pay if you can’t keep your head above water?
What Happens When an Artist Joins the Military? He’ll Keep Drawing the Enemy Near
This is another funny thing to say to roast a military person. Of course, as a military person, you can also work in other fields like medicine, engineering, and so on.
And of course, you can also make use of your talents like singing, painting, drawing, and many more.
So, this joke will work for a military artist, implying they’re going to lead them to their enemies with their talent.
What Do You Call the Soldier That Cleans Toilets? Lieu(loo)tenant
A lieutenant is one of the ranks in the army. So this interesting roast line is another funny way to roast a military person.
It’s a play on words that makes fun of them, describing them as a toilet cleaner. It’ll work well for a lieutenant. However, you can also use this one-liner on any military person.
Also, it’s a perfect way to insult them and get away with it.
What’s That Weird Thing Inside a Naval Woman? A Marine
You might have heard of “marine spirits.” This is a phrase referring to some demonic possession from water.
However, a Marine according to rhe Military is part of the Naval force that works in land and sea.
So, you can use this line to tease a military woman, implying that she’s possessed by a marine spirit.
Is It True They Use a Crowbar to Separate Boys from Men in the Navy?
Another way you can tease a military person is by asking them if they use crowbars to separate men from boys.
It’s a ridiculous question that will take them unawares. Moreover, asking this question with genuine curiosity makes it more hilarious. It’ll work when they’re telling you things about the force or during a roast duel.
I Thought Military Men Were Cute. Wicked But Cute
Another funny way to jest a military guy is by attacking them with this statement.
Telling him you thought they were cute is a funny way of calling him ugly. It’ll work when he introduces himself as a military guy.
Also, this punchline is a double one-liner that calls them ugly and wicked. It’ll certainly hit hard.
- Wow! I’m surprised. I thought you all had the cute face
- I know you all to be wicked but I didn’t know you were ugly too
Why Does It Take Time for an Army Officer to Get Married? They Spend Time Learning The Rule of Engagement
The Rule of Engagement are internal rule guiding military forces.
So, this is another funny joke you can use on a military officer. This is a hilarious roast that makes fun of their rules.
Also, it’ll work well during a roast duel or during a conversation to get everyone laughing.
Why Don’t You Ever Find a Will in the Army? Because They fire at Him
You might have heard the term, “Fire at will.” It’s a military phrase that allows the freedom to shoot when one feels like it.
So, this is another humorous line you can use to poke fun at a military person. It’s a play on words that implies that they shoot all the Wills that join them.
My Friend Joined the Turkish Army Because He Hoped to Get a Free Turkey Daily
This is a perfect one-liner you can use for a Turk army.
It makes fun of them, accusing them of joining the Turkish Army because of Turkey. It’s a funny wordplay that’ll get everyone in stitches.
Final Thoughts
The military guys are also humans. So, nothing should stop you from throwing light jabs at them when you can.
This article has provided you with all the right punchlines you need to roast them and have the fun of life. You all would probably be laughing at the end.